these 49ers uniforms are so fugly

I would want my superpower to be erasing peoples minds because nobody should know that much about me

i have real tears in my eyes all i want in my mouth right now is ice cream

scromitmas may have come early this year

just reminded myself to drink water and i want to make out with myself for that genius revelation

no one hates me as much as i hate myself after two drinks

and what would i be without a conscience? unconscience

wait pause?? the roommates may be talking shit about me? or my boyfriend?

innocently eating my nachos when suddenly i bite into the spiciest jalepano I’ve ever goddamn met

can’t even watch tv anymore without a mf promoting weight loss injections via commercial

there’s a time in my life when i got super upset that i didn’t get picked to be a reddit mod and i just wish i could go back in time and beat the living shit out of her

getting the ick from #my#self

moscow mule fucks

If i had a nickel for everytime i was in a trio with two girls who ended up hating each other I’d have two nickels and i really fucking wish i wouldn’t!

starting to get drunk so my raging heartburn is turning into a warm hug but from that one specific family member

I may just be the weirdest motherfucker you’ll ever meet

trusting people is so lame and boring

see i think im being funny but i would 5150 me if i was an outsider looking in

everything’s hitting at once I’m in between realms

a few weeks ago, i forgot to tell my boyfriend i took the edible and so i was just trying not to lose my shit at the fact that brock purdy looks like he has rabies

watching football crossed is the funniest experience

cut? water?

cut water #2 say your goodbyes yall

I can’t wait to wake up with crippling anxiety tomorrow morning

all i want in life is to be roommates with my best friend but she refuses to move anywhere over 20min from our hometown

wait let’s circle back Joe keery? SMASH Tom welling? SMASH Kristin kreuk? SMASH Anne Hathaway? SMASH (always)

having the restraint to not randomly reply to peoples posts with questionable comedy

everytime one of you pop up in my lil notifs tab it fills me with such whimsy and serotonin

I’m not even drunk i just unfortunately think I’m hilarious

another drink sir? WELL DONT MIND IF I DOOOO SIIIRRRR

I am already entirely too tipsy to walk past these men to go smoke

I love beautiful women it’s such a curse

that’s the game baby

would love to see the boys reaction to me collectively coining them as “the cokeheads”

spicy nachos = an unforgiving sunday morning bathroom extravaganza

no offense to 49ers fans but i hope you lose❤️

boycotting the 9ers game because my bf is somewhere watching it and I’m mad at him

hilarious update: the roommates earlier today were talking all about the bitches they were gonna get and now they’re practically circle jerking on the couch all alone & watching football

when i grow up i want to be a bills stadium shoveler

and if i said

I could not get past episode four of s5 stranger things but i also took a massive edible beforehand and could not focus on anything but the bad acting

sometimes I’ll go through my posts, get a massive ick, and mass delete them

real talk 🗣️ i shouldn’t have had those two zyns at dinner

being nice to the local alcoholic at the packy because my moms an alcoholic and that shit is so sad

you can’t hurt me I’m literally so perfect and gorgeous and fun *she says knowing she’s straight up lying*

today being saturday is quite the surprise for me

there is nothing quite like getting cross-faded in the comfort of your own bed

in my “ugh why do i look like that” era

just got back time to get fucked up🤑

sitting around waiting for 3pm like