And Then I Make A Substack About It

“I am a river. You are my canyon.”

When I make a huge batch of scrambled eggs

sure aint paying to read that

Stephen Miller right now

Made the most delicious creole red beans and rice yesterday and I was so looking forward to leftovers tonight but forgot I have dang ol dinner plans with friends at a restaurant! Jealously watching the kids devour the red beans before I go out, feel like I messed up big time

MAMDANI: And I just think that there are barriers, barricades, to helping Americans that we can break down TRUMP: Uh huh MAMDANI: And breaking down barriers? Reminds me of a certain Broadway show *smiling widely* where they worked together to break a barricade? TRUMP: *sitting bolt upright* Phantom

Six different viziers are currently wrestling over the phone that’s logged into Truth Social

TRUMP [after spending 5 minutes with Zohran]: surplus value, it’s a very wonderful thing, very wonderful, and they’re stealing it. Can you believe that? We’re going to be looking very strongly at the bourgeoisie, what they’re up to

He’s surrounded by such wormy little losers at the White House that I think he was like wow a cool guy

imagine kissing Dagwood Bumstead. maneuvering under the nose, his wide mouth encompassing your entire jaw. you risk a look only to see his pitch black oval eyes regarding you coldly

well New York has tried the cop mayor, and the billionaire mayor. maybe it's time we give a chance to Billionaire Cop Mayor

Yes, Chris Mohney, I have finished my study of Chimarvamidium.

Thrilled to announce I'm teaming up with Nvidia to create a basket big enough to fit all of humanity's eggs in it

i haven't noticed the cloudflare outage because i've only been visiting morally pure websites today

everyone showing up online for the morning nuzzi takes

This mural has gone up in Kingston, ostensibly for Christmas but AI has ensured it's actually to celebrate the return of our dark lord Cthulhu

POV: you are a young woman celebrating a recent academic success

ok nevermind, I’m reading these things now. who am I kidding

oh yeah, well I desire desiring desire being desiring, how bout that

Cenobite at open mic night: we have such sights to show you…such exquisite pain…but enough about being married FOLKS haha I kid, my wife is a great teeth monster

so close

new season of Landman really showcasing Taylor Sheridan's range in writing strong female characters, like crazy bitches, dumb bitches, mean bitches, sexy bitches, and bitches on their period

couple military choppers cruising up the Hudson. for reasons. bonus dramatic sky background

I brought an email to this knife fight

The Patron Saints of Wraparound Oakleys and Indictable Hard Drives are having one helluva time right now

Obligatory

I like the new Witcher with Liam Hemsworth. marinating in the humiliation of all involved. it’s like what if they did a fake Game of Thrones inside the Curb Your Enthusiasm universe

welcome to another crisp fall Friday of "Not Reading That"

ok so no more overt statements of metaphorical violence on here. button up your language. for example, I think President Trump should make spaghetti

Not cooking for Thanksgiving this year, but I'm making stock anyway from last year's turkey bits unearthed from freezer at last

police man: You are under arrest me: inventory police man: What ? me: check inventory

me: (reaching into 800g jar of cashews on top shelf) .... little cashew treat .... beautiful snack devil on my shoulder: Do it. They should be part of you angel on my shoulder: Im so proud of you. You deserve cashews. Sweet child. Im so happy youre taking them me: everyone agrees thats for baby boy

always found it surprising that only one guy was executed for Confederate war crimes - the commandant of Andersonville prison camp in Georgia, where an ancestor of mine died as an inmate medium.com/@chrismohney...

one of the most ghoulish proposed applications of technology I’ve ever seen

getting a text in the middle of the night and it's just my loathsome vizier saying "Your enemies lie in wait, my lord!!" what am I supposed to do with that. its four in the morning

It should be against the law to create frankensteins

one aspect of Epstein's email conduct is he's just very comfortable with who and what he is. sure he wasn't public about his crimes and predelictions, but he also wasn't living a double life of pretending to be something else, unlike the various creeps he dealt with

tomorrow Mike Johnson will demolish his own world record least believable “I haven’t heard about that, haven’t seen that” establishing a new milestone that will stand undefeated for generations

[colin farrell as penguin voice] Ahhhh c'maaaan! who ya gonna believe, da guy running da pedophoile ring for billionaires, or da billionaire friend of his who always talks about how he likes undeyage goils???? c'maaaaaan