Clinton: “Release any files pertaining to me” Trump: “◾️◾️◾️◾️◾️◾️◾️” Me: “Guys calm down, you’re both creeps”

Cmon @realdonaldtrump you kid-touching pile of hospital laundry stop being such a coward and really own your Kennedy infatuation

As long as @anthonyjoshua is out there breaking racist jaws let’s get him an invite to the White House

Big day tomorrow

The Princeless Bribe loves throwing money at people to make them go away, especially if it’s a mouthy kid after a rendezvous on Epstein Island, but I guess service members will have to do

@vanityfair did a decent job with their closeups of Team Trump but there was one glaring omission for those that hate having an appetite

It must be a real bummer realizing you’ve spent an entire decade of your life worshipping a meat scarecrow who rapes kids

It’s like Klan Chowder wants us all to root even harder for his impending, hopefully very painful death.

But what he really wants to know is how to see kids when they’re sleeping

I suppose if I looked like the waterlogged corpse of a California Raisin, I’d play dress up all the time, too

I’ve seen a few people making this comparison and it made me think how odd it is that we haven’t see any pics of Trump playing with Caligula Jr. given how into kids he is

Even the only friend Donald ever had would be embarrassed to know those pics of him and Lasagna Skin Steve went public

More Epstein photos dropped and Trump is all over them like an elementary school playground

Actually, that performance-vested pack of parasites caught in a charisma vacuum is a pretty good summation of the shit year we’ve had

Watching Kristapo Noem get demolished at today’s hearing was great but mostly I’m just impressed with the steel-stomached surgeons who had to work on her Tupperware face

The patron saints of homemade “We The People” arm tattoos love to be loudest about the things they know least about

Flipping a mayoral office that has been in Republican control for over 30 years shows how deeply hated those fascists fucks are.

Sure, Crypto Kid Rock is a dad-rich apartheid merchant with a boring edgelord fascination and a kinship with Nazis and is a world-class bad father and doesn’t know how comedy works and has skin thinner than a butterfly knuckle, but he’s also a real piece of shit.

I always knew the fascists would become mainstream I just didn’t think they’d be so impossibly lame

One’s a national treasure, the other’s for sectional pleasure

I think it’s from Epstein: 86:47

Too bad that any legacy KISS had that was worth preserving got Kirked a long time ago

The racist losers who lost the Civil War are the same racist losers who became Klansmen are the same racist losers who became cops are the same racist losers who became ICE agents

It must have been an honor just to be nominated

The Combustion of Madman (apologies to Michelangelo)

If Traitor the Hutt wants his hand to heal as fast as his miracle ear he should just hire another lonely recluse to pretend to shoot it

Ok, ok I’ve heard all your feedback and have updated this for accuracy

Reposting this oldie in honor of Pantone’s color of the year, “Cloud Dancer”. (Not pictured: the Honky Pokey, the Twatusi, and the Festering Walrus Turd)

The amount of kompromat the Russians have on Full Diaper for using his pageants and businesses to fund and facilitate a global sex-trafficking operation could fill a Mar a Lago bathroom

First obituary to hit the Top 100

I hope Bari Weiss asks Grift Laugh Love Kirk the real tough questions, like “what’s the right amount of pyrotechnics for an open casket funeral?” and “will eyedrops stain my leather mourning pants?”

Coming for @msrachelforlittles instead of actual neo-Nazis like Nick Fuentes is like coming for Mr. Rogers instead of Dr. Mengele

Jeez @pantone you had so many options to choose from though

Putting Klan Chowder’s name on an “Institute of Peace” is like putting his name on a Gap Kids.

The “fog” is not knowing whether it’s the gallows or the gimlets that will get this wife-beating war criminal

And by “Deport” I mean “Send to The Hague so they can answer for their crimes”.

Aftyn Behn coming within single digits in a district that went for Trump by +22pts should be a devastating wake up call for Republicans. But given their hatred for teachers and schools, I’m not expecting them to learn any lessons.

You can always count on the guy in the comments who makes his entire identity being mad about Black people in Star Wars to give you his smooth-brained hot takes on literally everything.

Tennessee, you have the opportunity to make history and do the most incredible thing today by electing Aftyn Behn and putting an end to GOP dominance. Polls close at 7PM - bring a friend, tell everyone you know, and MAKE US PROUD!

President Mayonnaise Sculpture crashing out all night like an overstimulated tween is pretty solid proof that MRI was “perfect”

I love that I know any time Full Diaper is caught on camera either shitting himself or looking like a wet cadaver because @jaketapper is trending

Trump is hiding these MRI results like Argentina hiding Stephen Miller when this is all over

Aging like fine whine

My apologies to festering piles of shit, you’re so much better than @katiemiller

Stranger Things < clips of New Yorkers making life extra hard for ICE right now

From the moment I first heard him say he could shoot someone on 5th Avenue and no one would care, I was like “yup, truest thing he’s ever said”. And it gets truer every day.

Fun fact: there are more hoaxes and people killed as a result of Trump not wanting to be revealed as a prolific pedophile than there are trans athletes competing today.

100% chance they’re bringing smallpox blankets with raisins to dinner

Guaranteed pardon

Fixed it for you, Decomposing Zoolander