Be best

Always Frozen, Never Fresh

5D chess for 1D people

Actual footage of President Amber Alert dealing with his self-made Iran debacle #taco

Cops, judges, TSA, if there’s a uniform to sport while being a dick, ICE will wear it

They want it to be too expensive to drive and too dangerous to fly so we all stay put and obedient in our serfdom.

Sending ICE to police airports is like sending the klan to police airports

Never was a fan of that goofy MAGA homophobe

He’s cool with killing us all if it means avoiding accountability for his many, many sex crimes

I mean, as long as we’re holding reality tv personalities accountable…

President Amber Alert can’t read the room because he also cannot read

The patriarchy is like microplastics in that it is everywhere, no one needs it, and it will slowly kill you

Every single time

He’s really the Donald Trump of forcing himself on people

It’s St. Patrick’s Day so here’s a drawing of one of the true greats from the Land of Thousand Welcomes

Whenever I screw up, I think of the time Trump opined about Revolutionary War airports and the brave patriots who gave their lives at the Battle of Baggage Claim and I’m like “sure I’m dumb but at least I’m not, like, Trump dumb”

Unmasking the wrong masks, per usual

Hey DOGE wait up, I’ve got some ideas on “reducing spending”

Sure hope they include Satire in the “In Memoriam” segment of tonight’s Oscars

Last year’s Oscar post is just a sad reminder that none of these fashy clowns can be added to the “In Memoriam” segment yet

Or at least let me send yours to go kill and be killed so I can avoid accountability for my many sex crimes.

These champagne flutes of room temperature milk make Beavis and Butthead look like Marie and Pierre Curie

Ten Trump Bucks says these spine-bereft sycophants develop cankles just to appease their favorite decomposing Zoolander

It’s the Get Out of Epstein Free card

It’s always the ones you most expect

At least now we know the exchange rate for a few weeks of making people forget about the president’s sex crimes is 167 dead children.

The president is a child rapist.

Party hats will be encouraged

Personally, I think the presence of a pedophile makes the transfer less dignified, but maybe that’s just me

Surprised he didn’t wear his golfing best to the dignified transfer

MAGA’s latest flex is sending their kids to die in a war because a pedophile doesn’t want his sex crimes exposed

Hoping every question they ask Name Menagerie Mullin during the confirmation hearings begins with some variation of “What was we ranked?”

Prayer group or scene from “Close Encounters” where they sculpt a mountain out of mashed potatoes

Don’t worry @sec_noem I’m sure you’ll find employment as a Tupperware-faced dog murderer or costume aficionado for a white nationalist Facebook group real quick

These pedophiles must think we’re toddlers with the way they’re dangling this mass campaign of death and violence like car keys

It’s like the Crusades but instead of Richard the Lionheart it’s Donald the Nightmareneck

Aging like fine egg salad

Full Diaper’s neck rash has him looking like late-stage Anakin Skywalker more and more every day

It’s always a win-win for the worst-worst

Don’t worry the strongly worded letters are being drafted as we speak

This fucking guy

When your ghoulish bloodlust dovetails with your desperation to make people stop talking about your pedophilia

It is now illegal for trans people to drive in the state of Kansas. Because too many hateful losers are in too many positions of power where they can exact their jealous bigotry people just trying to live their fucking lives.

Same frustrated loser energy, different decade

Rep. Al Green is an example of how everyone should have responded to the child rapist’s sermon.

I would say he’s asking for a friend but he doesn’t have any

There is neither an amount high enough nor currency that exists that could get me to sit through the televised pants-shitting of a melted pumpkin candle

You can tell this sweaty weirdo is a big fan of hockey because of the Heated Rivalry between his eyes

The criteria for which words and phrases are considered censurable is never surprising but still enraging.

All the try-hard pageantry in the world won’t change what Full Diaper’s actual legacy will be.