Get it, boy!

Everyone shut up I finally got a video of Jyn doing her cartoon snoring thing

Group of teenagers lurking outside a Curry’s trying to bully you into buying them an iPad so they can go on Pinterest

Is your child up at 9pm arguing about tram networks with the entire staff of the FT and some tedious Americans who are not familiar with the concept of a joke? This report make shock you.

Coco says hi

Just watching all the fishies 🐠

🎶 I am headin down tha Atlanta hi-way 🎶

Today I am sitting in bed, Ivy is asleep under her radiator and Martha is watching birbs through my bedroom window. It’s all chill here with slight ekekekek

Just remembered that Joey Barton is still on remand in prison.

(jorts is just gay, not dead)

Musks a trillionaire and he’s still got chippy tits and even Paedo Island wouldn’t invite him round hahahah hahahahahahahhahahahhahahaa

Actually, Brexit was a bad idea from the start. You were not betrayed. You just didn't bother to think through the consequences of your choices.

Had to reset my Kindle and am currently trying to re download all my books, massive ballache

Not a funny joke just days before the 10th anniversary of Jo Cox. New Black Country Reform councillor jokes he will 'hold surgeries when stab vest arrives’ www.expressandstar.com/news/new-bla...

Fun fact: the word ‘trillionaire’ actually comes from the French, meaning ‘it’s truly staggering how many people hope I just fucking die’

guy has a trillion dollars, 0 friends, and has never landed a joke. I know a pact with the devil when I see one.

Jesus wept

@katebevan.com please inform Godmother Daphne that this morning at 4am Ivy stole a bag of catnip dreamies from the kitchen drawer and subsequently woke me up with a paw in the face when she realised she couldn’t open it

Don’t give lighters to squirrels, kids

I am waiting beside a man with his golden retriever. Woman: "Excuse me, but can I pet your dog?" Man: "of course." The woman pets the dog, who gives her a bunch of kisses. Woman, with tears in her eyes: "Thank you. Mine passed away last month. I miss him. This made my day." More joy for today.

losing an election so bad you start farting around everywhere

no other way to say it, this thing in the uk where every single time a non-white person is in the news being accused of a crime we have full on race riots is very very bad

Condemning riots isn't enough. We need policy action, including an immediate appraisal of X as a vehicle for coordinating far-right disorder. And we need political leadership, to challenge white nationalism as an idea, not to validate it daily and then complain when it turns violent.

Went to see dietitian who had been avoiding me for a year “Can you eat this eating plan?” “No” “Oh well I’m not an eating disorder dietitian so I’ll have to refer you to them” “They’ve declined five referrals in the last three years” “Oh, I’ll close the case then” Fifteen minutes I won’t get back

My first professional audio writing job is on sale again for the price of £1.99. I remain proud of it. www.bigfinish.com/releases/v/d...

⚪️💛 she's on the nip 🤭🤣🙃 🪄💛⚪️💛⚪️🪄⚪️💛⚪️💛🪄

Can't we go back to Ceefax and only having 4 channels?

LORD LET THAT TESLA CRASH open.spotify.com/track/7zG2yp...

Watched the new Russell T Davis. Gosh.

"As a cunt, I would love to know exactly how I should act the cunt about the tragic murder of somebody I'd sneer at if I ever met them in real life."

I found it! The algorithm brought it back to me

Perhaps the most Hotdog Guy guy of all time, which is funny because he does actually look quite like a hotdog

Everyone needs to see this

We need more rich people with normal interests like "your movie sounds neat" instead of, like, white fertility rates.

Watching Drop The Dead Donkey again. Seems to have become my comfort show. Which is fucking weird.

Arthur Scargill, 1984

What's wrong baby? You haven't touched your peach piss n fart cake.

Is it Dane Bowers from Another Level?

Fucking hell imagine the headloss if that happened now. Musk rage wanking himself into knots. Darren Grimes projecting STRAIGHT PRIDE on his massive greasy fod

This has lived in my head for 2 joyful years 🙏🏼 @jonnymorris.bsky.social

No, it doesn’t count. Next!

"It's called the Nudge Unit"

"fuck off"

#Dogs #Dog #FunnyDog #CrimeScene #BestFriend #GoodDog #FaithfulFriend #LoveDogs #DogsAreLove

Someone is using a hedge strimmer next door and Martha has decreed it BAD NOIZY MASHEEN

A lot of rules don’t seem to apply to Farage and one day we’ll all find out why

BBC doing this too. "Police pelted with missiles at Henry Nowak protest" smears an innocent victim again Try "Police pelted with missiles after Southampton murder" Inappropriate to call it a "Henry Nowak protest" when his family explicitly call for it NOT to happen. www.bbc.co.uk/news/article...

Shameful from Reform and a good example of why you should never share anything by that godawful aggregator account, which just happens to be run by a Reform councillor. Obviously prostate cancer is a particular problem for black men, who are twice as likely to suffer from it in their lifetimes

I would REALLY like to see the cat road collisions petition actually get somewhere this time. Two weeks left to get it over the 100k line so ministers can't just shrug and go "nah that's just for dogs" as they have previously. Please sign and share: