when a person falsely claims they went through a goth phase it's called stolen pallor

The Trump administration's threat to deploy troops in Portland is unlawful. Here's a thought. When you upgrade to a larger bed you end up with more bed room, but less bedroom.

IT'S THURSDAY NIGHT IN GIRARD, GEORGIA CAN DIRTBIKE DERYL OUT FOX THE COPS AGAIN?! ONLY ONE WAY TO FIND OUT, AND HERE HE COMES

Cannot agree more strongly. WE DON'T BELONG DOWN THERE

Hell is empty and all the devils are here

please don't make jokes about Joe Camel dying from lung cancer

I think if you listen to a podcast with fake AI people saying AI generated words you are functionally dead, you are basically a phone to me at that point

I've gotten no less than a half-dozen spam texts in the last two weeks all saying "The steak dinner was wonderful and we should do it again soon," and now I'm afraid I actually have my own Tyler Durden going around slingin' late-night beef all over town.

What if they not letting Trump speak because he had a Reverse Fetterman Stroke and hes woke now

Of course Archie Manning is struggling out there, he's 70 years old!

What the FUCK

Making them wear high-visibility vests over camo is such a good joke you couldn’t write it

“Your English teacher and your gym teacher are getting married!”

I'm not at all kidding when I say that these stupid fucking "AI" things need to made 100% illegal immediately.

Britches Get Stitches: My Life as a Serial Pants Splitter

Danny DeVito is the greatest living American

Stone-cold classic. If you've never seen it, do yourself a favor and bask in the aura of Tom Atkins and his world-class lip sweater.

Hmm…

bragging about being a giant pussy is integral to the conservative mindset

Soothing myself during these trying times be watching comically gruesome Italian zombie films from the 70s and 80s.

All Cops Are Brazzers

“Do we like Damien? We like Damien, don’t we? It’s all for him, we do it all for him. We just want him to look at us. We treat him well, sometimes he’s not very nice to us, but it is for him, it’s really all for Damien.”

Fitness executive Ben Midgley

Eyebrows are the pubes of the face

My beloved Honda died from an overdose of carfentanil. It's no joke.

Alabama Governor Signs New ‘Heartbeat Bill’ Lowering State’s Age Of Consent

I hate when someone unearths my pube-autograph to the world's most famous pedophile while I'm dying of cankles

Oh no Mr. Met

It's the remix to Audition Holding tryouts for women The way you injured your body destroyed your ballet ambition You can afford some CDs Let's get a room by the sea That's a nice rubber apron baby kirikirikiri

Decent weather on a Saturday for once? That's a paddlin'.

In-da-peanitz Day

This motherfucker thinks he can bulldoze Toontown to build a freeway

I SAY YOU’RE BOTHERING PEOPLE WITH THIS PUZZLE BOX, BOY. YOU’RE COMIN’ ON TOO STRONG WITH THE “SUCH SIGHTS TO SHOW YOU,” WITH YOUR SKIN PULLED EVERY WHICH WAY

it is funny how many people affiliated with the secret police have had to say "stop making fun of the secret police, the guy in the tac vest that covers him like a training bra is a hero, he tracked down and subdued two hospice orderlies using only the W-2 forms they file annually"

Happy 50th anniversary to the movie Jaws. This is probably the greatest line in cinema history:

Look, the trade certainly seemed shocking at first, but the fact of the matter is that it's very difficult to field a winning team with one guy taking up such a huge chunk of the salary cap. Boston did--what's that? I'm sorry, I'm getting something from the producer through my earpiece-- Oh. Oh no.

The fuck?

@edsbs.bsky.social Your boy Rick Steves raising a little hell this morning.

My favourite one like this is Don Henley getting Brian to autograph a copy of Pet Sounds. Brian signed it "thanks for all the great music" then thought for a second, crossed out "great", and wrote "good"

Also point this out to anyone you can. These were not planned protests. These were normies getting the supplies for their weekend projects or at a restaurant and saw their servers getting hauled off and were like this is some bullshit.

May I present the mascot for the Halifax Oyster Festival, Pearl

@starkweather.bsky.social @buttersbc.bsky.social

Leapt over the back of a couch in my friend's basement, landed on a skateboard, and essentially ollied it directly into my beanbag with incredible force

OK, this is wild. In September 2023, geophysicists across the world started monitoring a very odd signal coming from the ground under them. It was picked up in the Arctic. And Antarctica. It was detected everywhere, every 90 seconds, as regular as a metronome, for *nine days*. What the HELL? 1/