Schrödinger's Glory Hole ~ The thought experiment/paradox in which a man finds himself simultaneously existing on both sides of a glory hole.

Me: Be kind, you never know what someone is going through. Also me: "Nice turn-signal fuck face."

I bought a U2 GPS and it's garbage. The streets have no name, and I still haven't found what I'm looking for.

LG: I AIN'T DEAD UNTIL I SAY I'M DEAD!! BK: I LIKE BEER!!

So what's the latest on Schrödinger's Senator?

I've got a pretty solid Tuesday vocabulary according to the NYT crosswords. I have to work* a little harder on the other days. *cheat a bit

Looking forward to the day Honest Don fucks with Mt Rushmore. It will be a monumental fiasco. He'll hire a bumbling contractor pal who will blow the nose off Abe Lincoln and they'll blame it on antifa vandals.

Happy Birthday America! And humble apologies for putting the man in charge in charge. Please forgive us.

A poignant reminder

The question everyone wants to ask - Who's changing Donnie's diapers? Is it that blonde chick? It's that blonde chick isn't it?

While in the military, T-Rex specialized in small arms fire.

Most people don't know you can exchange a cat for a burger at any Burger King drive-thru.

[being murdered in the kitchen] are you serious i just frickin mopped

I really hope I never become lactose intolerant later in life If shitting my pants is the price I have to pay to eat ice cream, I’m worried that’s not enough of a deterrent

Why is food so fucking salty these days? Are they using salt to preserve food for lengthy DoorDash voyages?

Back in 1975, my Grandad came up with a line of corduroy sports wear but he never got to bring it to market as he spontaneously combusted while running our town's annual Summer 10K race.

[from the news] "But the giraffe, which stands roughly the height of a tree, hasn’t turned up." How tall is a tree? Asking for a friend.

I went to the fair in Bell Buckle, Tennessee and the gathering around the tent selling painted walking sticks for $5 was larger.

we came, we saw, it was enough for one day

Imagine if dogs knew there were bones inside them

Shrimp Escapes Culver's Basket And Swims Hundreds Of Miles Back To Her Baby. It is wrong and immoral to hold beings of self awareness captive if they have committed no crimes.

Great news! I found my lost knife! In the last place I looked! I'll be sure to look there first next time.

Our sun accounts for about 99.86% of the total mass in our solar system, the rest is your mom.

Old enough to remember when Ruby took her love to town. www.youtube.com/watch?v=2R7a...

mom used to put notes in my lunchbox when I was a kid which was really nice, food would've been nicer

Great comments in this one folks. 😂

Balance so poor they stumbled right out of their shoes.

Woke up at 3AM with a burning question I had to google - Why does Trump defecate in public? Unsatisfied with google's response I'm asking all y'all. Why?

809 skeeters in my group chat.

*FINANCES ARE LOOKING UP!!* I know this might come as a surprise to you considering the amount of junk emails we all receive on a daily basis. I would appreciate it if the content of this email is kept strictly confidential. I am contacting you concerning an abandoned sum of $139,752,000.00 USD.

To recap: Trump ruined the game for everyone and derailed the Knicks 45-day winning streak just to get booed and fall asleep

Mike (Have you read it?) Lee over there on twitter with a personal tweet by tweet mission to make everyone hate Mormons as much as they hate him.

I've often wondered how The Cheesecake Factory can offer so many different kinds of cheesecake all day long. Turns out they operate child labor cheesecake sweatshops in Kentucky that run 24/7.

Don't know about the rest of you but I've got a powerful hankerin' to binge Z Nation again.

She died doing what she loved: obsessively cleaning the toilet with a mixture of bleach and ammonia.

Patient: I think I'd rather have a baby than a root canal. Dentist: Please make up your mind so I can adjust the chair.

BREAKING: Kevin Malone announces that he and his band Scrantonicity, have pulled out of performing at the Trump Freedom 250 Celebration. #DonaldTrump

BREAKING: Trump to raffle off tickets to UFC fight, Kid Rock and Vanilla Ice show -Winner gets 2 tickets -2nd Place has to take 10 tickets

“After major breakthroughs in obtaining the penises of a manatee, an armadillo, and a pygmy jerboa, I’m pleased to announce that my experimental anticancer elixir is mere weeks away from completion,” said Health and Human Services Secretary Robert F. Kennedy Jr.

Some gave all

Me, first day on the job as a lifeguard, frantically trying to type in my credit card info.

Did I hear that right? Kyle Busch ran out of talent on a racing simulator?

Trump Requests $1.2 Trillion To Have https://bit.ly/3RjdlH1

Heard the Willhelm scream on a TV ad for a pain relief supplement.

Data centers. AI. Robots. What’s the end game? Your thoughts and opinions please.

the year is 2026. a penile implant surgeon that runs a YouTube series called Erection Connection has been chosen by the Trump administration to handle the hantavirus outbreak. we’re all going to die.

Yelling "Fire in the hole!" just before you fart never gets old, despite what my wife says.

Our cat leaving the bedroom when we're tired of playing.

Young & Restless going all in on the AI story arc.