a book called ‘The Room’ where the promotion is just “read The Room”. you’re welcome, writers😘

Kash Patel is going to make history as the first FBI director to get medically evacuated from Burning Man

Me: I know pantyhose are a little dated but I love how they even out my skin tone Teller: So is this not a robbery? Me: No, it is

How are we supposed to trust AI when they can't even get autocorrect to work right?

5 second Olympic drama. Stumbled into the living room this morning wondering who won the hockey match. Turned on the TV and saw the score tied in OT. Then BOOM the gold medal goal.

Know your limits. I once pitched my tent EXACTLY three feet too far from the campground toilet.

National Beef Council Debuts New ‘You’re Supposed To Feel Like That’ Campaign https://theonion.com/national-beef-council-debuts-new-youre-supposed-to-feel-like-that-campaign/

An inconvenient truth - You can’t walk fast while clenching your butt. Or at least you shouldn’t.

Soap Opera 101: Never lock your doors at home or office (especially if those are on a train car) to prevent unwanted guests from wandering around and overhearing or walking in on your nefarious meetings and conversations.

COKE: is pepsi okay DR PEPPER: *removes surgical mask* we did everything we could

SON OF A BITCH! I exclaim as I remember the difference between PASTE and INSERT in EXCEL.

*Taylor Sheridan pulling a slot machine arm* "Ok, we got... Kurt Russell... as a... Fire Chief in... Paducah, Kentucky" Paramount Exec: Sure whatever, here's $40,000,000. All of our parents: Prairie of Flames is the best show on TV

Trump Suffers Setback Unrelated To Child Rape

Looks like Honest Don's tariff grift was as well thought out as my buddy's plan to strike it rich at Mardi Gras by renting a T-shirt cannon and blasting every pair of naked titties he saw with a free T-shirt.

After seeing the legs on Kid Rock, I'm convinced someone close to him should be accompanying him everywhere...and carrying a basket. I believe that boy will eventually start laying eggs.

I imagine it was extremely disturbing

Oh look. Another TV western "Indian". 10 bluesky points if you can name the actor.

It's a long way to the top if you're gonna to take the stairs

Our cat is making eye contact while making biscuits on the sofa. Should I be worried?

If you won $10 for second place in beauty contest.. you might be a redneck.

Who up wintering they Olympics?

Awaiting the latest winter Olympics cheating scandal - women ski jumpers caught wearing illegal aerodynamic merkins.

Olympics on tv in the background,women's curling, USA v Japan: ME: I think I've heard this one before.

Study: 89% Of Husbands Planning To Surprise Wife On Valentine’s Day By Dressing As Naked, Chubby Cherub https://theonion.com/study-89-of-husbands-planning-to-surprise-wife-on-val-1823006999/

Advertisement: "Give your Sweetheart some sweets this Valentine's day" Wilford Brimley: {disappointed sigh}

Close your eyes and it sounds like tonight’s Olympic curling is a lesbian couple working on a home improvement project together.

It was 1992 and I was at the keyboard of my Gateway desktop participating in a flame war in some chat room and I distinctly remember typing “you jagoffs need to go outside and touch grass” in case you want to know the real origin story of that phrase

My husband just texted me there's a downhill skier called Breezy Johnson in the same year that the ski jumpers are in trouble for letting out the crotches of their suits and this cannot be true?!

from 2024

absolutely ridiculous that in the team ski jumping they jump individually instead of all at the same time holding hands

Got an email from LL Bean today advertising BeanFlex® comfy jeans. Sure. Why not? Duluth's got Ballroom® jeans. Gotta keep the beans happy ya know.

The lyrics to most of Kid Rock's songs trigger the requirement to report exposure to his son.

Responding to emails alone would have been a full time job. How did Epstein find the time to crime pedo and party with his BFF Donald?

Live. Laugh. LOOKOUT for that tree.

*Injecting hyaluronic acid into my own penis to further my reach on social media*

Jeff Bezos chose darkness.

Going to retire for a little reading.

*praying they don't close my local Hut*

oh so you’re a big fan of kid rock? ok name 3 of his venereal diseases

This is all because those Brady kids messed with that tiki in Hawaii.

If I die, I want my remains to be scattered at the US Capitol. Do not cremate me.

I still think about the time my sweetie & I were driving across Pennsylvania and stayed at a hotel overlooking a parking lot and strip mall. Although our room was on the third floor I was uneasy undressing in front of the window like there could be a horribly disfigured 60 foot colossal man outside.

The Melania movie is so bad, they had to release some of the Epstein files as a distraction

Of all the things that never happened, this ‘Melania’ movie moment never happened the most. How much do you think they paid Nick to write this fiction?

They hid the Trump evidence from the Epstein Files in a place it will never be seen: the end of the Melania documentary.

Her: I just want to be alone for a while. Me: Here’s a ticket to the Melania movie.

“Melania” really hurting its Oscar chances with a January release.

I'm so old that I saw the original Star Wars in a theater on its original run. I don't want to go out to see the Melania documentary in case it has the same kind of long line to get in.