DJIA holds near record highs on news that ballroom will "have more gold than anyone has ever seen"

We give young men confusing messaging about how to behave. On one hand, we fill the airwaves with songs telling them "don't be a bad boyfriend" and on the other hand there's a seemingly endless supply of hot singer-songwriters waiting to date them and write songs about what bad boyfriends they were.

What would I do with full SNAP benefits?

Here comes Charlie Schumer. Good ol' Charlie Schumer... yes, sir.

What did conservative freaks do when Reagan wore tan suits?

Turning Point: The Bomb and the Cold War is pretty good.

Very big brick bug (house centipede) scooting around in my basement.

"You're all set, Mister. Have a blessed day" was not on my Burger King bingo card.

It's probably time to put away my slutty pumpkin outfit.

Working on a booger that I'm going to name Snotzerella.

Alex Garland makes amazing movies, and Civil War is one of the best, but why are there bullets strewn around Cailee Spaeny on the carpet? Shouldn't they be spent casings?

If I'm going to pay $5.99 for a streaming rental it had better have a lot of fucking.

Going to jail for pissing in a Johnnycab™

You've heard of hotdog juice and hotdog water. Now there is also hotdog plasma!

Shake On Me, and it's a pop song about urinal etiquette.

Where do the night farts go?

boooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo www.washingtonpost.com/education/20...

You're talking away. I don't know what I'm to say.

Imagine thinking you were entitled to an inside track that let you set the terms and make sure only you get what you want.

You cry out in your sleep All my failings exposed

You'll shit your eye out, kid.

Getting Into Impossible Wars: An American Tradition of Hair and Hubris

Woke up with my head in the same spot on the pillow but with each of the blankets shifted distinctly toward separate destinations on the floor.

Greg Abbott threatening a wealth tax on rich guys fleeing New York socialism is certainly a choice.

Gentlemen Broncos is delightful.

My new plan for becoming a billionaire is to sell sub-proof plate inserts to ICE guys.

Dude has a fucked up affectation of a hairdo and yet nobody at the time was like "this guy is a obviously a sociopath, maybe we shouldn't put him in charge of anything."

ICE guys going out in the back yard every night to stand in front of a pitching machine that shoots footlongs to toughen up.

Turning Point: The Vietnam War is pretty good.

Sometimes I feel the ocean in my blood music.youtube.com/watch?v=6XYU...

Your tongue is sharp But I miss the taste of it

In between what I find is pleasing

executive chef at failing three-star restaurant: "I'm going full Sysco mode!"

How do people obsessed with the pull-through or backing into parking spaces haul their shopping cart to the back of their car without wrecking all the cars around them?

chicken pot pie and pils lunch!

tiny friend

If it matters in any way that our soldiers and generals are too fat to run away then we need to think harder about the fights we're picking.

I just made you up to hurt myself

The pressure is really on now for Eric Adams to find a way to drive New York City into a tree in the next two months.

Somebody better go empty the Moon, it's full again.

Imagine that bloated corpse wallowing in that tub.

I told dick cheny the sybian was too strong but he wouldnt listen

A lot of people knew they could thank Obama.

birch leaves on moss in my driveway

It's Tubesday, kids. Time to get on the Intertubes!

NYC has not yet caught fire and fallen into the ocean. I'll let you guys know if anything changes.

Gary Numan looked back on the sand and saw one set of footprints. music.youtube.com/watch?v=PM9T...

Remembering fondly that time Dick Cheney met with oil company execs at the White House and destroyed all the records just before making sure the US continued to do nothing about climate change.

A third plane has struck Dick Cheney

New kind of Blade Runner just dropped. gizmodo.com/mississippi-...