Maximum Pleasure Guaranteed is pretty good.

Imagine if Biden had droned Mar-a-Lago right after the Supreme Court ruled that a President can do anything and he's beyond the law.

What's the colloquial French term like depeche mode, but for casual fascism?

Is there some possible way he could burst?

I like "chili dogs" but I can't say I'm a fan of most regional meat sauces, mostly because people get really precious about putting a lot of cinnamon and sugar in them.

This year I'm growin' them new laser beans.

psych of delic

As a fellow giant slob and Carhartt wearing troll, I want to emphasize that John Fetterman's craven opportunism doesn't represent all of us.

The Boroughs is pretty good.

Memorial Day? That's the day we get a discount on mattresses because we never forget Charlie Kirk got killed by woke.

I didn't think we would ever see the limit of these guys' toadying. Bravo, fuckers. You went all the way to letting the guy take the copper pipes out of the basement of law and order, but this is too much?

Splendid. Just splendid.

Why is cyclops plural?

Aliya Rahman is a force the federal government hasn't got the patience to withstand. slate.com/news-and-pol...

DJIA approaches record high on news that George Santos may be getting a payout

The curses I hurled at this blister-packed marinated chicken that would not drop out onto the griddle even after I slashed it open with a very sharp knife would curl Satan's nostril hairs.

Why stop with these second rate dingdongs? Big tobacco should take a crack at it.

Work and work for love and sex Ain't you hungry for success, success, success, success Does it matter? (Fatter) I've gotten fatter.

(watching an alien comes to earth sci-fi movie and the government guys in hazmat suits show up) Nice, everything is about to get so much worse

More like POOP tail deer.

Woodchonk alert!

"Modern live-streamed, manifesto-driven accelerationist terror" is something we're seeing more and more of, apparently.

Some cops are bastards, but in a good way.

You don't have to go to prison if you want toilet wine.

Wanda Sykes' new thing is pretty good.

meat push pop

I love music, but I generally avoid concerts. There are so many reasons, but the main one is that I hate people and their existence being forced on me.

I don't do drugs or go to concerts, but if I did, this would be a concert I'd go to and do drugs. youtu.be/4wzyC3J6-NU?...

*shudders ecstatically* youtu.be/ihquQfv-v-0?...

Some time ago, maybe twenty years ago, I registered a Sandisk product, probably an 8MB MP3 player, and ever since, Sandisk has faithfully emailed me once a week.

The solution to "there are too many As" is not "let's only give As to a maximum of 20% of the class," it is "let's make the curriculum harder." www.washingtonpost.com/education/20...

the human experience is to fall asleep, live somewhere you haven't been in twenty years, chat with long-dead family, get chased by animals, ride a plane, ride a miles-long escalator, ride a tiny horse, and when you wake up they say all that stuff is fake but paying taxes is real

<at pitch meeting with the Tolkien family> "Space Bilbo"

My wife and daughter share clothes (grudgingly, like sisters) and sometimes it gets a little heated, but none so much as the time recently when my daughter unironically wore some cutoff jean shorts my wife had only gotten for a Joy Hickey costume about ten years ago.

I guess the Earth got smaller or something, because my watch is telling me I live about twenty feet lower than usual.

Marco Lubio sounds like something Dan Savage would have called him during his campaign.

AI Capone is some kind of singularity revivification of the old gangster. Just imagine the hijinks and criminality it would get up to with the reach and resources of the networked modern era.

The secret to preventing the cats from begging for food all day is keeping the house above 82°F, apparently.

Kids, be this type of guy (committed to public service), and not the other type (the President).

I'm so angry that we're just letting Trump state that the government was 'weaponized" against him and his posse of crime-committing criminals. If anything, prosecutions were overly meticulous and scrupulous and un-political, which ultimately let him run the clock.

The limes may be 4 for $3, but they are sad and unfit for g&t (gins and tonics).

An electric car so smart it pulls to the side of the road and shuts down when it only has enough juice to run the emergency flashers for 24 hours.

Who invented the poop that only comes part way out like a stinky little tail? I suspect it was some Silicon Valley entrepreneur. No one asked for it.

Like Al Capone's taxes, this will be what finally brings down the juggernaut of crime and cruelty! www.washingtonpost.com/education/20...

Is... is it because everything is more expensive? www.wsj.com/opinion/why-...

They were all in love with dyin'. They were doin' it in Texas.

I don't know how you like to get your E coli and norovirus from Chipotle, but I like to do it by ceremoniously putting everything that tumbles out of my overstuffed bowl onto the table back in.

It was a little hot this afternoon (32C), but a perfect day to go punch little holes in paper very far away.

My Pillow guy gets half, Michael Flynn the other half.

"To the graduating class of 2026, in order to succeed you must embrace a future in which your bodies are pulverized into a slurry that will be used to cool our thinking machines. Only then will you know happiness." (flipping through note cards) "Ok, what else, what else..."