hungry jacks trying to make a “kansas city burger” a thing in australia is so fucking funny what kind of connection are you betting on the average australian having with *missouri* mate insane stuff

Got my performance review.

if your klein be naomi, relax homie if your klein be ezra, it’s your duncecap era

Okatsuka posted the censorship rules for the controversial comedy festival, noting how many "You can’t say anything anymore!" comedians have signed on. www.avclub.com/riyadh-comed...

a great writer and a tremendous photographer of california and the southwest whose work I admired very much. a very sad day.

imagine flying over to a new friend to say hi and he has a book open to a page of you

Heidi is a wonderful person who has endured the unspeakable over the last few years. Please donate and/or spread this around as you’re able, and let’s help our colleague.

Human rights defender Greta Thunberg: "I am not scared of Israel, I am scared of a world that has seemingly lost all sense of humanity. What we are doing here is trying to show there is some humanity left. That there are still people willing to step up when all other means fail." #3E

Limbless, Slippery RFK Jr.: ‘Becoming An Eel Is A Sign Of Good Health’ https://theonion.com/limbless-slippery-rfk-jr-becoming-an-eel-is-a-sign-of-good-health/

why is it when you’re twenty you have like four back muscles but when you’re forty there’s like sixty back there and at any time three of them are fighting

more like cameNOT

It's weird that in this administration that literally everything they're doing is side-channel despite literally controlling all 3 branches It's all executive orders and shadow docket shit and non-euclidean org chart bullshit where one guy is acting deputy director of like 4 different agencies

A man who made deep fake pornographic images of prominent Australian women and posted them to a website has been fined $343,500 by the Federal Court — the first case of its kind in the country.

PLEASE I just RAN from TikTok to find this on YouTube to share it with anyone who has not yet been blessed youtu.be/tgOGQwPmBRw

I'm editing a new anthology of sci fi written by sex workers for @workinggirlspress.bsky.social. It's called Liquid Silver (after the club/brothel in Tank Girl) and I'm so excited to see what my SW babes are writing!

spring is such a garbage season, this constant wind is making me insane completely riding on stolen valor, spring. the only reason people welcome it is because we’re bored of winter by then not even appreciated for what it is, but what it isn’t embarrassing shit

The first step to ditching a tech feature is to silo it off from the rest of your products It’s happenninnnnnnngggg

i made english muffin pizzas and the children now consider me a god

"please rate your package delivery" i mean ill click the smiley face because i assume it impacts the poor bastard who delivered it but i must impress upon you that forcing both him and i into this situation is an act of utter inhumanity and furthermore that god frowns upon your deeds

After over 2 years cooking in Steam Early Access, Mars First Logistics 1.0 is finally here! Engineer your little rover and deliver lots of silly stuff!

this woman knows three different ways to fix your sink and will do it at the party where she found out you had issues with your sink

how it feels working on a self-imposed deadline

Big day for me. A box I've been saving for over 3 years was just perfect for something

in that he’s preoccupied with a large bull and not really paying attention to her

AI companies accusing others of stealing is so funny to me www.theguardian.com/technology/2...

my daughter really captured my essence in this portrait of me “at work”

oprah got sued by the beef industry for saying “wow i dunno if i could eat a burger again” after hearing about mad cow disease, i imagine the president of the united states saying tylenol is bad would be worse? are they gonna sue? i dont want to monkey paw it because this is how we got dr phil

Man Just Wants One Trip To Laundromat Where He Doesn’t Meet Perfect Woman https://theonion.com/man-just-wants-one-trip-to-laundromat-where-he-doesn-t-1819577191/

before anyone asks I do in fact have adhd

the teens i know have it way more together than any previous generation my 17yos take on Charlie Kirk was better than most media outlets

I wish more people would embrace a full on sulk to get it out of the system; instead of trying to positive vibes & uwu a bad day out of someone. Let people stew in their bad feelings sometimes. Especially if they just need bad feelings hour to move past it (eventually).

just learned the Baby Steps soundtrack is by an NYC-based hard techno artist who literally processed about 400 bird noises into ableton instruments, so that's neat

looked through a few of my “riesling reports” and just read this one in the voice of dr steve brule

just found a bullet casing that said, “charlie brown had hoes.”

absolute bullshit that we have to wash our hair to get clean hair a swindle for the ages

Sex workers posting wildly incorrect WW2 rage bait to get people to click on their bio instead of thirst traps is the funniest anecdote you can tell about this place

i’m a strong woman who can handle anything, the wells of my fortitude are deeper than any earthly pail can reach, but what if my kid asks for a wallet chain

as you can see here our officers recovered a bullet featuring a tiny bawdy portrait of my wife addressed to the shooter and signed with lipstick kisses. we are investigating whether this was done via some form of silk screening or if my wife can instead become very small. we have no further comment

one thing that is true for everyone reading this: unless something changes dramatically the number of people who agree with you on what basic facts constitute "reality" will shrink every year for the rest of your life

Tomfoolery? Ballyhoo? Not here, pal. This is no place for poppycock

Eating a banana just to peel something

is coeliac serology a normal part of a full blood work up or is my doctor trying to ruin my life by taking away pasta i didn’t know that was on the table, a real deal breaker for the whole “seeking healthcare” thing no doctors is easier than no pastas

i think men should be way more grateful to me that i don’t giggle-and-bicep-touch them into doing way more grunt work for me

A reminder that @theflytrapmedia.com's Residents of the Bog get an EXCLUSIVE editorial hangout tomorrow where we will be sharing some exciting news about plans for our second year! Your subscription comes with a gift for a friend so it's basically 2-for-1, and our 10% discount is almost up!

I subscribe to the @theonion.com for the ads.

New Zealand prevaricates on whether to recognise Palestine as a state, or not. My Stuff #cartoon today #NZpol #Palestine #Gaza