mentally I’m one of those soft supermarket cookies with the frosting.

As a deep thinker every shallow thought disgusts me

My cat: No thoughts, only screams.

I thought the rapture happened in 2012 and this was hell. So, I’m pretty out of loop.

Don’t correct my grammar. You wouldn’t like me when I use correct grammar

you’re never more than 10 feet away from someone texting “lol” with a completely expressionless face

Baby Penguin Kerfuffle Break

When I'm not here you might find me tearing it up over on Zillow or maybe crying in the bathroom.

I just read a post I didn’t agree with and was able to scroll right past without it affecting me. This is growth.

Babies

Sometimes when you’re working out the waxy grain in the hollow of a spoon made from the limb of an apple tree it sounds just like your dad walking away from you in his shiny black Florsheims

honestly if this goddamn world gets any stupider I might start drinking gasoline just kidding I can’t afford that

using one of these instead of a bidet

Sometimes it's not about the destination, but the sinkhole that opened up and swallowed everything down into infernal darkness along the way.

My new cleaning lady asked me if I got donations to feed all of my cats. Anyone want to sponsor Cairo? 😂

In a perfect world , Bluesky would be a hyperbolic time chamber

🎀🎀

The rapture happened, it just didn’t take MAGA.

Hasbro is updating Monopoly by eliminating the luxury tax, charging astronomical rents, and waiving jail time for rich people.

They should make the Discover feed harder to find.

You can store so many repressed memories in this thing

What is it called when you are asleep but dream you are awake.

Seems prayer should be the answer to autism. It’s put out as the answer for so many of America’s concerns.

I got kicked out of law school when I cited joe v. the volcano on my final exam

relating more with the alien in every film

Life is beyond parody at this point. [remembers The Onion] Life is almost beyond parody at this point.

2025 update so far: Still garbage.

omg omg i think im being raptured nope just stood up too quickly oof nvm

If you're subskeeting me it's a relative waste of time, because my whole life I've never even known when someone was flirting with me.

I cancelled Hulu, then resubscribed, just to get notified that they are raising their rates and cancel it again.

"It was a singularity to everything except the pinwheel using it as a center of mass to attract some attention to the universe" wow so peacocks only teach physics for showing off

Look, it’s Heroin and Adderall ganging up on Tylenol.

This ain't my first Rapture.

I forgot to leave out milk and cookies for Jesus!

No one fucks with you if you put your lipstick on like The Joker.

Has it happened yet, guys? Are they gone?! 😂🤣😂

Some people don't have red flags. They use sticks and stones.

Fuck it let's let AI run for office

Girl dinner is quest chips dipped in cottage cheese because chasing this protein goal is a full time job.

it’s just all so stupid…and on top of that not having anything to look forward to makes the sucking suck more 😮‍💨

Most unhappiness isn’t tragedy. It’s misunderstanding and keeping your mouth shut. ~ Dostoevsky, probably

You want a pep talk? You either die of stupidity or live with it

Without knowing it we contributed to the written alphabet. A sound in the air most probably has a shape we laughed, like it was even funnier how it floated away for somebody else to find and keep in a box. Maybe an artist who wanted to point and laugh at the noise "corrugated day job"

You can't ignore someone who doesn't care if they're noticed.