I love toddler sentences. "I got a tomato in my shirt."

Love this for me and anyone else who might need to breathe today. So great.

Aesop: I TOLD YOU

pausa de hidratación

I don't think she liked the VAR decision

The thing about dreaming of having a child who loves to sing as much as you do is, it will come true but that child will never ever stop singing (just like you). Especially not at bedtime! I love her so much 💕

No, this is right.

It looks like the after of an “I used photoshop to make my 3-year-old’s drawing of this player real”

He turns his head in such an odd way when he delivers! It's giving Bent Neck Lady

‼️

When we say patriarchy hurts men too, this is what we mean

Rushing has been made into one of baseball’s villains this season, but this video actually just makes me feel kind of bad for him. He just seems like he’s kinda lost and doesn’t really know how to handle adversity.

Tonder slices of bool stood

It just struck me that it's extra quiet around the house right now. Turns out it's because there was a thunderstorm this morning so no one can mow their lawn today! It's wonderful

these assholes didn't deserve this many words written about them

With alt text because this is so good everyone should get to enjoy it.

Why the fuck is everyone acting like it's a full moon. The dumbest shit, all day

Seen in the daycare parking lot:

This is the ideal male body. You may not like it, but this is what peak performance looks like

THE FLORSHEIMS FIT FINE is the updated version of

Today I was getting a quote from a pest control guy and he was telling me that clover mites are all female and reproduce without male intervention and I blurted out "well happy Pride to THEM" and thankfully he snort-laughed

Is an oyster a taco?

If you’re really allys you’d send every bisexual a vinnie pasquantino city connect jersey

🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈

You used to be able to google the time of the sunset, and Google would give you the exact time right on top every single time. Thankfully, with artificial intelligence, you can now ask Google what time the sun will set and it will conveniently tell you "I don't know."

happy Pride Eve to all the people who are about to paraphrase this tweet from 2022 or repost it with my name removed as if it’s a thought they just had themselves

I don't need to be "protected" from seeing porn, I need porn artists to be protected from being debanked, having their work stolen by AI, being abused for the content of their work, and going broke.

There's something like six divisions with fifty events each for each of fifty states, so when you do the math you can see how 1/15,000 titles per year going to a trans kid is an urgent national issue.

This flouf is one of 15 healthy California condor chicks to hatch at our conservation center this season. A new record! #Condorable #KeepCalmAndCarrion

Now imagine the starting QB for your NFL franchise just voluntarily decided to associate with the same figure that’s too toxic for Young MC and Bret Michaels.

Does what now

Meanwhile in Triple-A Omaha, Memphis has sent nine batters to the plate in the 4th inning. All nine have hits. There are no outs. #Royals

I love this idea

These are the two optimal types of Baseball Name.

as always i am sympathetic to the fact that male loneliness is a real problem but the solution to male loneliness is robust afterschool and other social programs and shit like accessibility to public parks and the lonely men take industry opposes these things so i don't know what i'm supposed to do

Linda Ronstadt had the best voice and also the best bangs

cancelled for skinning men and turning them into sofas because i'm upholstering the patriarchy

It's The Baby's birthday and I am Emotional. Feels like just yesterday, but also thirty lifetimes ago, that she was born. And now she's chowing down on hummus and singing along to Harry Styles with me. I'm more in love with being her mom every day.

to = ➡️ two = 2️⃣ too = ➕ Toto = 🙏🌧️⬇️🌍

What’s wrong babe you’ve barely touched your MLB app specific incorrectly geographically tagged commercial that talks about what you should do if a family member owns a gun and has become unpredictable in Illinois

Lima Time!

This is also why live streams work for podcasts! It's fun to watch/listen together when you can. There's no community to be found in your own personalized AI-generated content. It's just you and the algorithm, which is what the tech companies would prefer.

I hate having ANYTHING on my face so I never wear coverage makeup. But I'm gonna give the CeraVe tinted sunscreen a try because a pretty lady on TikTok said to (and she was not selling it)

"what's an egret?" "bird." Ryan and Denny, respectively. #Royals