Call me old-fashioned, but anything you can say to me over text, you could have delivered by horse.

The Cat Show poster. Starring all the feline fur babies ever mentioned in Welcome to Night Vale. Find it here: buff.ly/Da7NixT

Good night. Sleep tight. Don’t let the eye bandits strike.

Happy Aries Season

Everything bagel? No everything not bagel. In fact most things not bagel.

The most important prize in science has arrived ! Get yours here: buff.ly/omGvUa6

“No worries if not,” I say to the angel flipping through the book of life.

Jeffrey and Joseph are live in one hour. Come chat about St. Patrick's day traditions, favorite vacation spots and more. Join here: buff.ly/XIjKg4R

What will you become when you grow up? buff.ly/dt70tJ1

Today on The Best Worst, it's The Golden Girls, featuring an appearance by a famous musician 15 years before she became famous and Bea Arthur repeatedly calling Betty White a cunt www.nightvalepresents.com/the-best-worst

Fans of Night Vale, did you know Night Vale co-creator Jeffrey and Cecil (voice of Cecil Palmer) co-host another podcast? In Random Number Horror, they randomly select horror movies to watch, chat about and even provide an approachability guide. Listen here: buff.ly/hZydGXT

All dogs go to eleven.

New Episode: Harrison Kip's Twilight Gospel Hour Well howdy y'all! It's time to worship the god who lives behind the sky with chanting and sacrifice! Listen here: buff.ly/WO3Ii6q Illustration by @angrycomics.bsky.social. Want it as a print? Buy it here: buff.ly/JEPGKaN

Hate to say I told you so. That's why instead of saying it I'm just having a billboard about it built outside your window.

“A decades long, globe-spanning saga of adventure, betrayal, love, and fate [about] one of Welcome to Night Vale’s most enigmatic and terrifying characters... A funny, terrifying, and unpredictable slice of Night Vale's macabre history.” Kirkus Reviews (starred review) Find it here: buff.ly/uQjdKYa

Pin your favorite Night Vale icons to your clothing, bags, hats, or friends. Find all five pins here: buff.ly/AkJC7db

All bogs are good bogs.

Ten seasons of independent but interwoven stories of life in an alternate universe. Co-created by Jeffrey Cranor of Welcome to Night Vale and Janina Matthewson. Rated 4.8 stars on Spotify. Listen here: buff.ly/R7tzc2F

Last chance - once these shirts are sold out, they are gone from the store forever. Kill Your Double T-shirt: buff.ly/MpRpZAT Nervous Sheriff t-shirt: buff.ly/DtkfWBu Petting Zoo: buff.ly/Og6tJsr

History is written by the Victors. Philosophy is written by the Garys. Lucy writes all the religious stuff.

Our live show Murder Night in Blood Forest returns in May, with stops in Edinburgh, Manchester, London and Amsterdam. Bring a friend, your grandmother, or a stranger off the street. No knowledge of Night Vale is required to enjoy. Ticket and tour information: buff.ly/TG2adQI

Last Chance! Valentine's Day may be over, but you can still share the love if you order by 3/31. Four different sets available here: buff.ly/giAZ1xq

On average, 8 spiders eat you in your sleep. Well, you're asleep at first anyway.

Do you love Night Vale? Storytelling? Writing? Welcome to Night Vale co-creators Jeffrey and Joseph host Start With This, where they share tips, tricks and exercises for writers, aspiring writers and I'll-start-tomorrow writers. This podcast is for you. buff.ly/WPuVwWA

Sorry! All the other ones are illegal now due to freedom! buff.ly/OQBJ8Xt

For God so loved the world, He named it Checkers and got it a cute little sweater and took it on long walks.

New! A normal hot/cold tumbler with normal moths on them. No weird stuff. buff.ly/FTIEjjf

Let’s make this meeting an email. Let’s turn this family dinner into a quick zoom. Let’s move this wedding to slack.

New Episode: Work From Home It's a bad sandstorm out there. Plus, a short film festival, how plants work, and a new intern(?). Listen here: buff.ly/scIvpkH Illustration by @angrycomics.bsky.social. Want it as a print? Buy it here: buff.ly/jM3ZXMi

An invigorating cold plunge. Then wrap yourself in the warmth of Ash Beach. Find all four of our beach towels here: buff.ly/Pt9Jd4p

Do unto others as you would have them do unto people they don’t like either.

The bestselling Welcome to Night Vale novel is a poignant look at the ways in which we all struggle to find ourselves, and it also has a shapeshifting teenager and a mysterious man with a briefcase full of flies. Find it here: buff.ly/C1Kt0Bl

Cozy cuddly kitty socks that may or may not help you levitate. Order yours here: buff.ly/aZfdiSw

I did my own research (vaguely remember something a guy next to me at a restaurant was saying last year)

The most important prize in science has arrived. Order your trophy here: buff.ly/kK2ch74

From Star Trek: The Next Generation to The Sopranos to Mister Ed, find out what watching the best and worst episodes of classic tv can teach us about where tv is going next. Hosted by Night Vale's Meg Bashwiner and Joseph Fink. Wherever you get your podcasts. buff.ly/79b44Ui

Children’s Fun Fact Science Corner

Is it possible to surgically remove despair? Asking for all of humanity.

ICYMI: Welcome to Night Vale is going to Europe! Find out more and get your tickets here: buff.ly/ByZR9zh

PISCES: You worship the moon, Pisces, and that’s great. For you. Not everyone believes in that thing, though.

Last chance to pre-order the Listeners t-shirt in your favorite color. After 2/22 only the most popular color will be available in our store. Choose your color here: buff.ly/8qdVMsA Available as a regular t-shirt and a fitted t-shirt.

Decorate your laptop, water bottle, or the bus stop with art from all of our Night Vale artists. Collect one or all three packs here: buff.ly/ke81LcH

Dress for the job you want (cashing checks), not the job you have (snapping necks).

Tickets are now on sale for Murder Night in Blood Forest with stops in Edinburgh, Manchester, London and Amsterdam. Ticket and tour information: www.welcometonightvale.com/live

Did you know Night Vale co-creator Jeffrey Cranor co-wrote a book about an alternate universe with Janina Matthewson? Find out more here: buff.ly/9x5q4mi

Today is the last day to purchase your Patreon pre-sale tickets to Murder Night in Blood Forest before the public on sale tomorrow. Ticket and tour information: buff.ly/ByZR9zh Not a member yet? Join here as a Weird Scout or higher: buff.ly/ZE6redF

Who will blink first? Find it here: buff.ly/RANO8jC

Get you a man who can't do both.

Pre-sale tickets are now on sale for the Murder Night in Blood Forest Europe tour! With stops in the UK (Edinburgh, Manchester, London) and in the Netherlands (Amsterdam), we can't wait to see you there! Buy your tickets here: buff.ly/ByZR9zh Join Patreon to access the presale here: buff.ly/ZE6redF