wtf is a FIFA peace prize? that's like being an NFL laureate in physics

excited to see my post about snow tires is gaining traction . folks,,

Damnit, Love, why you gotta be obvious in the silence?

“ if I had the hair to do it, I’d still be rocking a mushroom haircut.” “That’s your biggest secret?” “…yes?”

RFK, Jr. cancelling oxygen

Don’t answer unknown numbers, Charlie Brown.

Do you even give up on the daily, bro?

World War Z is my favorite movie about the spread of fascist lunacy.

I said he'll flip you. Flip ya for real,Charlie Brown

RFK, Jr. cancelling oxygen

rfk jr cancelling headphones

Do you even give up on the daily, bro?

Don’t answer unknown numbers, Charlie Brown.

Never get involved in a land war in Asia, Charlie Brown.

The urge to spam your group chat >>>

officer i only missed that stop sign bc i was looking for the wizard emoji on my phone

still existing over here (without my consent)

me: i have to tell you something but keep it on the down low. you need deodorant. here. take this. bff: ok. your secret™️ is safe with me. wait. what ??

[port of miami] guy who works for TMZ: im here to catch a celebrity check-in agent: sorry, sir. that ship has sailed TMZ guy: no, i mean, like, Cruise check-in agent: sir. you can’t just hop on a cruise TMZ guy: what check-in agent: what narrator: what

I’m strongly opposed to a baby monitor. Like a baby can effectively observe and perform surveillance? That’s asking quite a bit from an infant.

guy from Louisiana: hey. how y’all doing? how’s bayou ? me: what

Masked men jumped a San Bernardino family in unmarked cars, opened fire, and shattered their truck windows—all while the family was just coming home from work. The feds later admitted it was CBP, but the family says the agents never showed warrants or IDs.

World War Z is my favorite movie about the spread of fascist lunacy.

CONNECTIONS be like: 🟢Green: Cardinal directions 🟡Yellow: Sandwich ingredients 🔵Blue: Terms for a social value you should know 🟣Purple: The last three letters in the names of my grandmother’s dead cats, in reverse

CONNECTIONS be like: 🟢Green: Cardinal directions 🟡Yellow: Sandwich ingredients 🔵Blue: Terms for a social value you should know 🟣Purple: The last three letters in the names of my grandmother’s dead cats, in reverse

Pizza crusts go uneaten, but people will devour an entire pan of breadsticks.

He's a 10 but he carries around an open mug of coffee while out doing errands.

Overdoing “on the other hand” alternatives for dinner to impress my octopus date

He didn't "throw" a sandwich, he freely offered his sandwich in friendship and love really fast

I probably won't fix it if I realize I've been wearing something inside out but I will undoubtedly tell everyone who looks at me that I am wearing something inside out and this is a story about being American in 2025 thank you

Kinda unfair that you can only die once. What if I want to find out the best way? I’m not perfect, you know.

Once you accept, truly in your heart, that the laundry is never done, then you will know peace.

What's the matter, babe? You've hardly touched your murder axe today.

Kinda unfair that you can only die once. What if I want to find out the best way? I’m not perfect, you know.

Slightly diminish a band Nirva-nah

A federal judge has ordered Florida to pause construction of the “Alligator Alcatraz” immigration detention center in the remote Everglades for 14 days.

Just once I would love to be the bridesmaid and not the bride

Long story short, onion jokes also make people cry.

me: I have a little headache WebMD:

Nothing unites so strongly as mutual sarcasm.