the middle ground of the abortion debate: the right to neither bring a pregnancy to term nor terminate it, instead banishing it to the ethereal realm between worlds, ever to wander the twilit dust as a mourning shade

I dont know who wrote this, but 🎯

Here is how you dismantle the conservative movement: - Ban gerrymandering - Unleash the IRS to target political nonprofits/strip them of tax exempt status - Pack SCOTUS to overturn Buckley v. Valeo - Eliminate consumer welfare standard - Break up right-wing media - Punishing taxes on the rich

It’s the 48th anniversary of Jeffrey Vallance’s solemn interment of Blinky, a Foster Farms fryer frozen chicken from Ralph’s Supermarket, at the Los Angeles Pet Cemetery, with a full funeral service, a light blue coffin with pink satin lining, and memorial plaque 🧵

I remember the day I realized My father wasn’t a noble anticapitalist. He was just proudly and profoundly cheap

"This is what you get when you elect Republicans." Every Dem within 100 feet of a camera needs to be saying this repeatedly. Every time we elect Republicans, we get dumbass wars, tax cuts for rich people, and financial crises. Every time. Fucking say it!

Ok your space propaganda wore down my space apathy and now I’m really into it I hope you’re happy

We should let him finish it. On the day it's done you let him in for a final inspection. It's knee deep in plastic balls. Oh ha ha he says. Balls. A ballroom. We're making jokes. We like jokes don't we. Everyone leaves. More balls begin to pour in. It's not stopping. The doors and windows are sealed

Might be the greatest opening paragraph of anything ever.

I know I've said this a trillion times but I have to say it periodically to keep from going insane: The right ran a huge, well-funded, & ultimately successful campaign to completely take over political media & the infosphere more generally. This is by far the most important political development...

"Heard joke once: Man goes to doctor. Says he's depressed. Says Iranians are sinking tankers in the Strait of Hormuz. Doctor says, 'Treatment is simple. Great President Trump is in town tonight. Go and see him. He says oil is flowing.' Man bursts into tears. Says, 'But doctor...'"

Like a lot of things rich guys believe and fund, the AI consciousness thing is in part driven by a desire to abscond from the responsibility of what they've made. It also explains why so many of them think we're in a simulation. Doesn't matter if everybody died if we're all just 1s and 0s baby!

YOU (simpleton): Morrissey will never have a relationship with a younger Italian man, known only as "Gelato", with whom he will seek to buy a house ME: [chuckles wryly,]

Hemingway was once bet that he couldn’t write the world’s happiest short story in just 5 words. He replied,

McDonald's is expecting to sell a heck of a lot of Filet-O-Fish for Ash Wednesday today, but just think of how much better it would be if they served them in a CAPTAIN CROOK SEA BAG! This was McDonalds' first-ever attempt at a kids meal, from early 1975.

My friend and America’s greatest filmmaker, Fred Wiseman, died. No one has penetrated further into the fabric of reality. I will miss him.

let's stay together

On a downtown street in Minneapolis, as people stream out from the massive march, Mary Tyler Moore says “fuck ice.”

First Sunday funnies of the new year

I am determined as God is my witness to start the Trump fake hand conspiracy theory. His hand isn't showing signs of an undisclosed illness. It's a fake painted Halloween costume hand because his hand was already removed. It's time.

“This is a Christmas card that Al Horen sent me in 1966 or so. That’s 60 years ago. It features Mickey, Popeye, and Charlie McCarthy! The top half folds over. When it is lifted, this is what we see” Source: Mel Birnkrant

The only conclusion I can draw from this is that there is something physically wrong and cognitively wrong with Trump, he knows it, and he's angry and frightened.

“I love mankind ... it's people I can't stand!!” -Charles M. Schulz #BOTD

NO

The ugly secret is that AI is a narcissist machine that’s programmed by people who desperately need validation for a lonely, isolated population that desires an increasingly frictionless existence.

The ambivalent return of Sunday Funnies

it's so funny that alex jones was totally right about everything, the government is a bunch of drug-addled pedophiles and masked regime thugs are grabbing people off the streets, and now he has to pretend it's all a hoax

Good things are possible and we don’t have to settle.

Give to your local food bank. Build mutual aid wherever and however you can. If we’re going to make something better it’s going to depend on reinvigorating a sense of interconnectedness. We’re all in this together and the fight depends on recognizing that.

We live in an episode of Veep

The German company that makes the mechanical ladder used in the Louvre heist has used the image to advertise, with the text 'When you need to move fast' 10/10 response, no notes

Abolish ICE. Bulldoze the ballroom. Jail the collaborators. Should be the Democratic platform.

🎯

They confuse Venezuela with the vuvuzela, which is a thing everybody hates and will go to war over

you fucked around and now the Episcopalians are doing memes. are you happy now. are you

Singing in Spanish and you're shitting yourself in terror? Crying like a little bitch because the road had a rainbow on it? Screaming hysterically that Portland has been invaded because the wizard frog gyrates at you? This is what the manosphere votes for? You mewling little fuckweasels.

A young, beardless Jim Henson with a car trunk full of Muppets Henson was BOTD in 1936

I wouldn’t tell anyone I’d won $2.50 on the Powerball, but there would be signs—

here's the truth about charlie kirk that abc is censoring along with the trump administration. we won't be silenced. he was a hateful bigot who pushed conspiracy theories and lies. his legacy is hate on top of hate. we won't shut up.

I’ve been rewatching the Coen Bros filmography this month and while drawing a Barton Fink illustration, it struck me how much their films feel like Far Side cartoons: funny, strange, clever, yet frequently inscrutable. Anyway here’s a thread!

Last Sunday funnies for a while. Thanks for reading.

Sunday funnies