I’m incredibly disappointed to learn that Analtech in Newark changed its name to Miles Scientific.

we're watching journey and it makes me want to go sing karaoke real bad

just took imitrex for a migraine for the first time ....I feel worse? what's the deal here?

hot tub isn’t enough. I need to be ground down to a perfect sphere through 100 years of tidal action

hmmm I do not think so actually!

there should be a law that if we have to do daylight savings, spring break has to be that week. stupid dark morning.

ladies and gentlemen of the jury, my client admits that he sprinkled when he tinkled, but the facts are plain: he wiped the seatie. do the right thing: find him sweetie.

dog names at the american dog show: finn, roxy, sargent dog names at the british dog show:

Women 👍 Get after it ladies. Or don't. It's entirely up to you.

the world is cruel and scary. but there are also women. you must remember this.

You have to love that Tolkien couldn’t stop writing about the little world he made. He had maps, he had functional languages, he had little recipes for his little hungry hobbits, and 90% of this stuff wasn’t ever meant to be published, he just loved his creation and enjoyed visiting and taking notes

Little Green Pope is the only supreme religious figure I'll listen to

slides used to be soooo tall but thanks to woke they're not allowed to make them scary heights anymore🤏😡 oh, and another thing! gimme my ORIGINAL dad back wokies!! the BIG one!!! 🖕😠 where the hell are you hiding him he's huge

dog names at the american dog show: finn, roxy, sargent dog names at the british dog show:

getting out the door on time for swim lesson on Big Clock Day is proving difficult

ladies and gentlemen of the jury, my client admits that he sprinkled when he tinkled, but the facts are plain: he wiped the seatie. do the right thing: find him sweetie.

I'm tired of every puking woman in a movie or TV series turning out to be pregnant. I'm making my own movie with an all-female cast and they'll ALL be puking ALL the time and NONE will turn out to be pregnant. My German investors are very excited about the project. Almost a little too excited...

Fucking burn it down

my kiddo calls sportscasters "hockey talkers"

very often on the weekends, especially when the weather isn't as nice, my mind completely deletes the "things we can do for fun" file except for baking something, which is fun but not what I want to do right now

Challenge for people who believe Claude *is* conscious and use it anyway: Explain how you’re not a slaver.

So much online conservatism these days is just "I miss being a kid"

I'm not arguing with someone about why a statistical model is conscious. On a Saturday? In this economy? During these hellish times? I don't even have pants on

Trying to find a poem, Internet has been no help. I believe it's in Late Middle English, possibly Donne or a contemporary. Last couplet is something like: "Thane I shall know both God and man / What I was and what I am". Anyone have any idea?

They've now killed four people -- three U.S. citizens and a Mexican national. They've shot several more. They've lied about all of them. They haven't shaded the truth. They haven't "misled" us. They've brazenly, knowingly lied while in possession of the evidence disproving their lies.

cinnamon refusing to dissolve in your iced coffee

I'm supposed to have my formal teacher observation today and I just want to be like, I'm too sad because of the state of the world can we do this another time, or at least like, please understand I'm not putting on the bells today because i literally can't think or process correctly but idk

“I can’t help but notice—“ I can. I can not notice anything. I have no idea what’s going on right now. Skill issue.

parent drop off is the worst distillation of amoral, hyper individualism, car culture bullshit. every single bad driver behavior is on display every day for 30 minutes. anyway multiple cars are not joining the line but waiting to join the line, idling in the staff lot ACROSS THREE STAFF SPACES

My school district is being forced to lay off several educators and a librarian because of a $500,000 budget gap, or roughly the amount spent on the war while I was typing this post.

Free parenting tip: come up with a safe word for your kids! Kids too committed to the bit? Safe word. Kids hiding too well and you can't find them? Safe word. Second parenting tip: don't call it a "safe word" though, people will make assumptions

my lunch today is a can of beans and a can of eggplant in oil with goat cheese on top. delicious slop!

there's a male teacher at my school who straight up sucks and he shouldn't be teaching, he was dressed up in a tie the other day in a moment of sheer bliss I heard a student tell him "shut up bro, you look like Boss Baby" which is very disrespectful! and also so good

just in case anyone's in the market, there's a beige half timbered construction strip club for sale near me. DM for details.

My hot take is that everyone says schools don't teach you how to do your taxes, but the way you do your taxes is to hang on to important paperwork and then follow the directions on a form while performing arithmetic, which actually is what they spend a fair amount of time teaching.

bringing up some interesting lore questions for the Cars franchise

i tried this with ben franklin but he wouldnt stop asking about yoga pants and hentai

know the funny papers rules

Xennials, our long national nightmare looks to be coming to a close. www.cbr.com/jem-and-the-...

Please, take it from me. We know him here. You do not want this guy in charge of anything, but especially not BLM!

Damn, she was right. Every day IS a winding road.

I've been very lucky to have had an independent sleeper for a kid unfortunately my brain is always picking up the slack with Too Many Thoughts

when I graduated college with a CS degree and got my first job - and this was with a small company, before I entered big tech - I made more money than either of my parents had ever made in their careers as elementary school teachers I think about that a lot

Show your range 🐱

my kid, who stims by bouncing against the couch, saw the vibing cat on a video and was like he's bouncing like me! which is adorable, he's got a mascot now

This is pretty good

tired and fuzzy and too full but also hungry and cold but sweaty I love being 40