I open Bluesky every day for a couple minutes hoping to see that it finally happened, but alas, another day of the waking nightmare awaits.

They voted for him after the debate where he ended with 'They're eating the dogs. They're eating the cats.' Morons, all of them.

MESSENGER: sire, a peasant named humpty dumpty fell off a wall KING: send all my horses and men to put him back together QUEEN: should we not just send a doctor KING: no send all the horses and men ADVISOR: my liege, the castle will be defenseless KING: all of them i said

Worst assassins ever

1, 2, 3 assassination attempts?

Hey, journalists! Could you do us all a favour? Fact check Donald Trump BEFORE you quote him. Then, if he's lying, we don't need the quote. A simple statement "Donald Trump lied again" will do. Save us all a LOT of time - you don't have to write a lot of nonsense, we don't have to read it.

It is Trump’s fourth term. All Democrats and leftists have gone into hiding. Famine is rampant. Hiring a black person, when even one white person is unemployed, is a capital crime. “Not on my dadgum watch” says Pope Cletus the First, as he sharpens his guillotine. The angels rejoice.

I hear lots of fancy people using lots of fancy data to help explain “the Trump voter”. Trump voters are one of three things: Stupid. Selfish. Or stupid and selfish. It’s just that simple.

What’s all the fuss about? 🤷🏻‍♂️

“The pope is weak on crime”

Y'all there is a woman and a black man circling the moon and NASA's mission control+ science teams are so diverse and people are nerding out about science and exploration this is all a gigantic middle finger to the stupid and hate and grotesque ghouls running our country

lol okay now what would you do if you were a senator

"But they don't have the votes for impeachment so you can't criticize them for not saying it" is fallacious. Dems don't have the votes to do anything. Even post-midterms, they still wouldn't have the votes to override vetoes, either. It's nonsensical to say they therefore shouldn't advocate stuff.

Dit it finally fucking happen?

There are Marines on a mission to save downed pilots with bounties on their heads in the most perilous place on earth because the president and all his men raped children.

why won't he die? why won't they die? why don't they all just fall over dead. everyone living someday has to die. today is a good day to start something new. something new like no longer living. them. not you, not me. but him. and them. why won't they die?

It’s genuinely a challenge for legal journalists to cover the birthright citizenship case, because one side’s argument is “the Fourteenth’s Amendment intent and text and a century of uninterrupted Supreme Court precedent all support birthright citizenship,” and the other side’s argument is “nuh-UH”

I said this in replies elsewhere, but I want to say it loudly here. Anything other than a fullthroated affirmation of birthright citizenship in this country by SCOTUS is an act of treason. It is grounds for immediate impeachment. It is a violation of every oath they have made.

there it is, all 7 continents

And then he drew a perfect Mona Lisa with nothing but a blunt pencil. Grown men were weeping.

that dude is still alive wtf

You’d think expensive oil would make our government focus on solar and wind energy, you would of course be wrong

You may not like it, but there’s actually no universal consensus vis-à-vis blowing up little kids, and in fact suggesting that blowing up little kids is evil is, itself, a form of terrible violence, and furthermore naïve to say, if not outright childish. And you know what we do to children

I was already going to say that. I’m still going to say that. I can’t fucking wait to say that.

A thing that’s fun to think about is that when it happens it will be a GLOBAL celebration. Like there will be video from around the world of people dancing and laughing and singing

remains wild to me that the GOP is the party that's actually treating their opponents like they're an immediate and dire threat that must be eliminated at all costs meanwhile the Dems are like "hmm not sure I totally agree with all of this but let's hear these guys out, just in case"

Good morning. The President of the United States was in the middle of the most serious child sex trafficking ring of the last quarter century. He is referenced not a dozen times in the case files. Not 100 times. Not 1,000 times. He’s referenced 38,000 times.

For decades the Right has daydreamed about saving their country from monsters, they finally got the chance and it turns out they love the monsters. The monsters are even monstrous in the exact ways they fantasized about! You never have to listen to these guys about anything again

Come on 2nd Amendment activists. Surely you understand your rights. You’d be jumping up and down if this was a school shooting, protecting your rights to carry guns. So stand up for PRETTI. Otherwise, you’ve lost your gun argument.

And please don’t forget about the Epstein Files

I just hope he knows how much we are all willing him to finally kick the bucket

Look, it's simple. We just want the worst person in the world to die

ok he’s acquired the prize that will get him into heaven. there’s only one thing left to do

The top 10% of richest Americans own 87% of stocks. The top 1% alone own roughly half of all stocks. It's worth pointing out once again that the stock market is not the economy.

billionaire: i have 3 brains. in my skull interviewer: incredible

The Onion, 23 years ago. theonion.com/no-blood-for...

*all the fifa executives rifling through their dictionaries looking for the definition of ‘peace’*

shark: *smirking* no hablo inglés

American public opinion is largely generated by foreigners who make money by lying to Americans over unregulated social media. Out of respect to those entrepreneurial foreigners, we will continue to treat their commodified fictions as one side of a reasoned American debate. -The Editorial Board

petition to switch from calling it xmas music to bskymas music

If you call yourself a follower of Jesus Christ but support the pepper-spraying and arresting ministers, then thou art staggeringly full of crap.

Idea: hotter pockets

Anyway a great way to radicalize people is for them to realize that you just abandoned their chance at being able to access and afford health care because you didn’t like waiting in line at the airport.

Remember when some of us said the Democratic leadership would take all the wrong lessons from the blue tsunami and squander all the goodwill? Here you go.

Me: *absolutely wailing the opening verse of the Carpenter's 'Close To You' in a fine, fragile tenor* The guy at the urinal next to mine: *eyes closing as he harmonizes perfectly*

Incredibly funny to watch the right wing going Oh so just because I love money and hate poor people I'm a bad Christian according to "the pope"???