Throughout American history, citizens have all longed for the same thing: to get out of Cleveland

Me when someone asks what my buddy Garfield wants for dinner:

OLDER FANS: we hate the modern game please fix it so it is like it was when we were kids (Miles Mikolas pitches) OLDER FANS: no that’s not what we meant

Dingler Dinger: This Statcast-projected 433-foot HR is the longest of Dillon Dingler's MLB career (previous high was 410), and it ends Detroit's 18-inning scoreless streak. 2-0 Tigers.

DING DONG

WHERE IS DISTRICT DETROIT CHRIS

Can't believe I have to work on a holiday (Opening Day in Detroit)

I think my brain is broken

Charlie Browns mom: Waaah wah wah wah waaah waaah waaah wah Charlie Brown: oh, you mean pigpen Charlie browns mom: Wah way. Waaaah wahwahwah wah wah waaah waaaah wahwhawah wah wah Charlie Brown: yeah I get that. It’s pretty bad over there but I don’t think they hit him

no tiny change can take something from deeply uncool to undeniably hip like removing one ear flap from a batting helmet

Red Wings won a game in April. Miracles can happen.

Looking real forward to JB's comments after the game tonight

These refs missing a LOT of obvious calls tonight

She Man-Eater on my Bug til I Target 1 monster on the field; destroy it

A new career high for Alex DeBrincat with 79 points. ➖ (38G-41A--79PTS) #LGRW

JD middy jumpers save me

me when she asked for no pickles

really am feeling like garbage today for no reason

There was a lot going on with this play, and a lot going on in this game. But what a catch by Mud Hens center fielder and Tigers No. 2 prospect Max Clark to start a double play.

Buster Olney put 9/140 out there. Then deleted it. But it's because they can't formally do this deal until Griffin plays a game, so that they can keep the PPI pick.

Tigers have released RHP Phil Bickford and LHP Colin Poche. Both were assigned to Triple-A Toledo roster after signing minor-league deals in January and February, but neither pitched. Bickford was in big-league camp as a non-roster invite but didn’t pitch due to a triceps strain.

me when she me when uhhh when me she when uhhhhh

Twins infield defense is BAD bad huh?

I have to know if Frederic Gisborne ever traveled to Big Ass Lake @jonbois.bsky.social

Turns out the wind is so bad that the spray from the fountains is making the outfield cameras virtually unusable I love baseball so much lmao

"Speed don't slow" Announcers are truly in midseason form already

Getting motion sickness watching the Twins-Royals broadcast

Seeing something I just personally like: this is so trans girl coded

Tigers No. 6 prospect Hao-Yu Lee (oblique) is scheduled to begin a rehab assignment with Single-A Lakeland Friday. No. 7 prospect Thayron Liranzo (oblique) is on a return-to-play progression. No. 4 prospect Josue Briceño (right wrist surgery) is rehabbing.

Oh my god, the Texas Rangers invented Homer's nacho hat

wow, looks like a rough patch for stocks AND bondis

Can't say I LOVE Bernie tweeting out "America First" tbh

it's beautiful

Everyone keeps saying "serving cunt" and it's making me feel really old. I still call them waiters.

so like...konnor griffin, what's going on there. bad ST, didn't force their hand for the OD roster. Has raked in 5 games, but like come on, that fixes nothing? PPI still in play, likely extension coming (already discussing it). What was all this for? Just to get a home opener pop? Feels like a lot.

The thing about batting average with RISP is that it's only a step above noise over a full season, so it's considerably less than that over a mere few days if you think this is targeted to your team: yes, it is

YOU 🫵 are personally responsible for every flaw in the democratic coalition

Every post on Queering the map falls into one of two categories: 1) Doomed Sapphic Yearning 2) "I sucked off so many guys here!!"

BREAKING: The golden Romanian helmet of Coțofenești, which was stolen last year from a museum in the Netherlands, has been recovered. Great work by the Dutch police!

A day late but so delicious

Last year's Tigers also opened on a west coast road trip and went 2-4. The shutouts are a bit concerning though

Tigers get 7 innings of 1-run ball from Tarik Skubal, but fall 1-0 on Corbin Carroll's first-inning HR. A season-opening road trip that began with back-to-back wins in San Diego ended with four straight losses, including a three-game series sweep in Arizona.

You may not like it, but this is what the perfect baseball career looks like

The Rockies are still going to lose a billion games and finish in last, but having watched their first week of ball, they're a much better team than last year's. Not a high bar to clear, but it's noticable.

Unfortunate news for Arizona fans

Guy concerned about children of immigrants being “sleeper agents”: We should make life as difficult as possible for immigrants so they hate our government.