i think there needs to be a big push in the working world on teaching people of a certain age that the ellipses are not appropriate replacements for a period in business communication.

pondering making brownies but i have bread tins, no proper baking tins yet. i do often wish a brownie could be the size of a slice of bread though....

this account has to be a bit. there's no way they pay a guy to be a freelance bluesky mod when people are upset about their articles. its like if pepsi just had a guy on retainer telling people to kill themselves if they post about pepsi not tasting as good as coke

hello im a reporter with consent manufacturing heavy industries,

how many guys in the old west would pull out their wiener during a high noon duel. i wonder how many of them died for doing such a good bit.

oh. if i bring the skincare to work with me, i never forget to do it. i'll be accepting my mensa identification card now

special forces in a clash with locals in the area the pilot is believed to be. trump's not dead, he's in the situation room with the gang watching guys who are missing their girlfriend's first day of high school to die getting shot by an Iranian farmer's SKS. and he's fucking farting

heck yes. new baseball hat. i have to take pictures of my cleavage

oh hello!

when people have multiple locations in their bio, does that mean they are often between the locations, or are originally from the prior listed places

unfortunately i don't think It Happened. i think its a scramble because more air force guys are showing off how good they got at ejecting class

a lot of people's posting makes sense when you learn about exposure kinks.

BREAKING: Missing airman found dead in Iran. Locals claim the body was found mere inches away from the soldier's standard issue survival kit of Mr Beast Bars and an autographed picture of Jeffrey Epstein.

I am sore as hell from another day of toil and it’s not over yet. a modello would hit me like an adrenaline shot

please go back to the streets. you were doing so good. now you are online making a big show of how messy your diaper is and yelling that no one has cleaned your diaper

Dr Whittaker, or “I’d put him in my purse and bring him home and keep him in a terrarium of his favorite things”

had a guy walking past my post with the neighborhood trans working girl, grinned like a shark, got real close and told me to have a good day. i got a drive-by chaser DM

if you are having trouble with dates, do not become known for publicly documenting every time it goes wrong. if I found out a guy I was on a date with has a very large social media account that details every faux pas or reschedule in dating, I would immediately ghost him mid conversation

we gotta tax the churches after this last round of Christian fascism. higher progressive rate for Protestant churches, growing for each grocery store sized person warehouse they hold services in.

why doesn’t my job let me work in my sports bra. I should be given a [REDACTED] sports bra to work in on sweaty days

Adam Friedland and Takashi Miike collab is real, lmao

the classic hag and her eight gay guys

sweaty!!! At 8:30 am?!

now it’s on sight! when I see you next I’m gonna fall in love with your ass!!!

sometimes you see a beautiful man on the phone screen and all you can do is bite your bacon egg and cheese too hard

did you just fuckin degender Mr Pibb

sore in the way that makes every muscle fiber feel like it has its own upset tummy

so it turns out that doing medieval peasant work is kind of nice. spent a lot of today raking muck and i feel great. hold on, wait. is that-- no fucking way, you can't be serious. a witcher? here? well i certainly don't approve of his mutant kind in our village.

mama home must snuggle her phone

near empty bus, an old Russian woman gets on and looks around nervously, spots me and takes the seat next to me. she is sitting next to my dirty, sweaty ass because I am the only visibly white person the bus and is being racist towards everyone else

the temptation of The Device

My coworker

they just awarded me with a single piece of paper at work that says “Mrs Met” and said i have to find a woman to give this to before Mr Met hunts me down or i will begin The Metamorphosis. just another day in the big city

just found out about “pretty boy swag”. my toes are still hyperextended and lightheaded.

not a single face i enjoy in this picture. from my understanding this is an article about a den of people who would try to put me in a big pot with onions and carrots to make a big soup. because of this poor first impression, i will not be reading the article.

this is the funniest idea possible

its not problematic to dungeon dive with an orc and elf. you are too humanties brained if you think slaying a dragon is bad.

new york times keeps calling me about kristie noem's husband. "you're trans and have massive implants, its the same thing. give us a quote, balloon girl" and i keep telling them not before i get my twenty dollars and hot dog

getting fired from your job and everyone knows you are a nasty freak who does her own lip fillers, couldn’t be me

imagine the guy at third way who’s really into abundance doctrine and has a pathological need to find the best contractor to build broken web portals for ACA sign ups seeing this interview and walking into an office where every display is set to pictures of Hasan

never understood goons who love their corrupt mayor in comic book movies until mamdani. I’d probably take a swing at Batman after he broke every limb of my fellow goons in front of me if Mamdani said “get da bat!”

had no idea Scott Pressler is doing denial chest hair. horrifying images of boymode Kirk today, just nasty shit

if you’re still in nyc and you were part of Adam’s schemes, you needed that ticket to turkey a year ago

got my ffs date for october

keep your fingers crossed, might have a really good opportunity coming up.

there is an abandoned skateboard at my post and it keeps talking to me like the green goblin mask

A Wisconsin based Beagle Experimentation/Vivisection Farm

sorry boss I’m behind, there was a bodega cat looking out the door and lost about five hours taking pictures and petting his head

it must feel so good to have the IT guy remote into your machine so you get a surprise paid break in the middle of the first day back from the weekend, in space

the level of pent-up horniness for a rocket launch that doesn't benefit or involve elon musk exceeds even my high expectations