Here's a really easy New Year's Resolution: If you're sick with something contagious, you will stay home if your circumstances allow. If you can't stay home, you will mask around others until there is no possibility you are contagious. By making these choices, you will literally save lives.

I think the hardest part for my friends and family is that the normal ways of checking in on someone, just- doesn't work for me.

Fuck it lets astral project into each other's nightmare projects.

If I had an additional 100 right now I'd get a tiny tattoo of a lizard crawling on a diet coke can.

I showed my husband what I would do if I got my lips done and he was like, "Ohh you know-" which means I COULD HAVE GONE MY LIPS DONE THIS WHOLE TIME???

lol I just came across this post by Zoharn’s wife Rama Duwaji’s stylist and the boots were…. on loan open.substack.com/pub/brainmat...

Babies are so weak. You don't hear me crying every time I crap my pants

The Cuckold Bridegroom, by Jan Havicksz, 1670, 📸 by Justin Ford

No shit? Word?

I always feel a little funny on New Years Eve; the last time I *drank* was New Years of 2013. I remember being very emotional that night, and a little sloppy but otherwise in good spirits. The hangover that last through the 7th of January, however, forced me to rethink life.

Mamdani: For too long, those fluent in the good grammar of civility have deployed decorum to mask agendas of cruelty

"What did you do on New Years?" Me:

This is when I traditionally let my feelings expire in order to make room for different days I'll fall in love with but my love diary says it's gonna be a rebound year. I must have bought a similar cheaper notebook

An hour to go for Andy and Anderson and within two hours I've witnessed at least 4 shots a piece. The fact that Andy Cohen is still as coherent as he is can only tell me one thing: functioning alcoholic.

Happy New Year, I'm not going to be sorry if I choose my mental health more often this year.

The only thing worth looking forward to in 2026 is 'Madden' starring Nicolas Cage as John Madden and Christian Bale as Al Fuckin' Davis.

At some point during my husband's 3 weeks off, at the end of the year, he gets depressed. Every year this happens and I dont know if telling him, "Its because you're not doing anything and you feel useless. But being at home you don't know what to do causing paralysis and depression," would do much.

Allow me to explain why this is very fuckin’ bad. Read this to learn something, or don’t and stay stupid. Whatevs; I’m getting stoned at the end of writing this either way. 🧵👇🏻 (a thread) apnews.com/article/snap...

There's a lot in life I don't deal with. Other things I deal with immediately. Others I put off and deal with later. And everytime I'm not sure I've made the right decision.

I feel as if I fail most of the tests life throws at me.

Warning: Contains scenes of drugs misuse? no no, that's just regular drug use. you're supposed to do that with drugs. that's how they work. drugs misuse would be injecting a cannabis.

in 2026 we are NOT hustling, we are NOT grinding, we are doing just enough Job to have money for Video Game

...There are no bluesky famous people. Recycled Twitter content feels weird, like wiping the slime off the bottom of an animals water bowl and calling it clean.

Where's that chunk of people I dont like? I feel angry.

Blinked and the powerpuff girls stole my lunch

imma smoke some weed about it

And my favorite vibrator died.

Not to be controversial but I think we should use tools and resources to make people's lives less miserable instead of more

My aunt gave me 4 cans of black beans along with a gift because she doesnt like black beans. Come to find out shes never even eaten them- she just doesnt like them because theyre black and she thinks that means they'll taste bad. I'm- fuck- Jesus Fucking Christ.

Happy Xmas Fuckheads 😎👍👉

Look I just really love Scott and I really love James Marsden. I have no intention of watching another Marvel film. I'm just happy to see him.

*to the tune of I saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus* Iiii waas not kept saafe as a chiiild

Show me how your 2025 went

...CYCLOPS

As it’s Christmas, I thought I’d share with you a painting by the Low Countries painter Pieter Brueghel the Elder (c1525-1569) who painted one of the most atmospheric artworks in 1565; The Hunters in the Snow. I’ve used software editing to bring the image back to how it might have originally looked.

Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory: Madness riddled choclatier creates maze filled chocolate factory filled with fantastical and unregulated machinery; also a hundred or so little people he's kidnapped and painted orange. Gives it all to a poor kid.

the trade off to smoking too tough and fucking too good is that you are constantly getting a little tummy ache

próspero año y no money down

Christmas… *gulp*…EVE?! Like where the sins of the world came from

By George, shes done it again lads!

Today for Christmas Eve Instagram decided to show me nothing but therapy videos about having Immature Parents. Happy Holidays everyone.

I wasted my time. Damn you Holiday Baking Championship!

Its so late I just wanna see who wins this baking championship.

Watching the Disney Christmas Spectacular and seeing Good Charlotte covering Fairytale of New York by The Pogues just puts a the weird fucking cap on this fucking year.

People who bring up other people's pasts for cheap laughs are the cheap laugh. There is no substance there. You're a cunt.

My brain is sputtering wheres my buddy friend who likes fungi?

When they ask me what radicalized me

I've seen enough

Whatever make it 10 factor authentication.. I don't want to be able to sign into anything ever again