My 2yo just informed me that her favorite food is gummy bears wrapped in salami. Then she held eye contact while wrapping a gummy bear in salami and eating it.

Soooo good. If 1980s Teen Movies Took Place Today www.mcsweeneys.net/articles/if-...

Thanks to @lisaborders.bsky.social for doing a funny guest rec for my most recent newsletter. Lisa’s book Last Night at the Disco is out next week 🤩 julievick.substack.com/p/september-...

slightly ominous mailer from the Red Cross

ICYMI, @lindalenhoff.bsky.social's novel, *YOUR ACTUAL LIFE MAY VARY, made a guest appearance in @julievickwriter.bsky.social's August Monthly Links Roundup! buff.ly/pLVkFso Get *YOUR ACTUAL LIFE MAY VARY right here: bit.ly/4fQa2Oi @susanschulman.bsky.social

@sallymiller.bsky.social and I teamed up on this one to imagine what some 1980s movies might look like today.

My personal assistant. Just need to teach her to make copies.

Periodic reminder that we at @mcsweeneys.net ’s have no writing staff (save for the great @shadesofgreaves.bsky.social), and rely on unsolicited submissions for our humor & satire. We respond to each every submission within 7.39 days (but usually much sooner). www.mcsweeneys.net/pages/guidel...

If you are interested in writing satirical news headlines like the ones you have read in pubs like The Onion, then this post is for you. julievick.substack.com/p/tips-for-w...

Mine in today’s New Yorker. Greetings from America’s High-Capacity Server Coolant Reservoirs, formerly the “Great Lakes.” Read my cartoon-filled rant about this at open.substack.com/pub/paulnoth...

My kid, after rolling down the window in the car and looking out: "Now I know why dogs like this."

Uber but just for parallel parking if you need help real quick

Happy book birthday @pennyzang.bsky.social ! I have been intrigued by the description of this dark academia suspense debut and am looking forward to reading it.

9. Log on to the website. 10. Forget your login. 11. Click the link “FORGOT LOGIN.” 12. Receive message that your email is not on file. 13. Congratulate yourself on writing down your login from last year. 14. Try again. 15. Fail to log in.

Happy pub day @amrangowani.com! I read an advanced copy of Leverage —if you are looking for a fast-paced thriller with dark humor set in the finance world, then this is the book for you!

For all my fellow librarians #libraries #librarians #reading www.mcsweeneys.net/articles/col...

I'm running another advanced short humor writing workshop starting Sept 13th! In four weeks you'll write 2-3 drafts of short humor pieces and get notes and feedback in a supportive environment. Writing from previous workshops has been published by The New Yorker, McSweeney's, and more!

Happy book birthday @writesloud.bsky.social ! Looking forward to reading this one :)

You think you're pretty funny don't you? Well now is your chance to prove it If you think you can match the high journalistic standards of Hard Drive then email 5 headline pitches to [email protected] Read this page to give you an idea of what we're looking for hard-drive.net/how-to-pitch...

“Folks say “I don’t like kids,” as casually as they’d say they prefer Pepsi to Coke. When people say things like “kids are okay, but I just don’t want them around me,” we don’t generally question that. I think we should.”

Proud to announce I can already check “almost rage-quit while trying to fill out school-year related online form” off my August Bingo board.

"After you download GameUpdater, find the name of our team, the name of our opponent, and then enter your child’s date of birth, their blood type, and the locations of any known birthmarks to log in."

Cats are and always have been cyberpunks

Now the song is stuck in my head but with the “I am four eels” lyric on repeat.

I enjoyed talking to Amy about Substack and some of my favorite bylines for this!

I’ve got a new piece up @belladonnacomedy.bsky.social today inspired by my inability to stand through entire concerts anymore.

"It turns out that people would rather read a thoughtful essay with an error in it than one of ChatGPT’s grammatically flawless articles about delving into a thought-provoking tapestry of synergy." www.mcsweeneys.net/articles/im-...

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This Is Just To Say My kids have packed their own lunches today But left this container in the icebox so empty and so cold

Happy launch day @seemoreevil.bsky.social

Disappointed that AI writing is tarnishing the reputation of the em dash. I would prefer it to be overusing something like the umlaut.

next submission call in ~48 hours! Tuesday, June 10, 10 am ET! looking for SQUARE blocks of text. what that means, vaguely: ~280-290 words, no linebreaks, no paragraph breaks. what that means, specifically: 20 lines of text w/ HAD formatting: havehashad.com/pages/wysiwyg

This Wednesday on the Andy Richter Call-In Show, Andy Daly and I want to hear your Nature Encounters! Tell us about your close calls and weirdest experiences with Mother Nature. Leave us a voicemail at 855-266-2604 or fill out the google form in my bio (Conan O’Brien not included)

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BREAKING NEWS: This video will likely improve your day.

Funny how a person with 10,000 tote bags frequently can't remember to bring at least one of them to the store.

About a thousand people applied for some of these new Onion jobs and fellowships. If you didn't get the fellowship this summer, your packet was probably really good or great. (Except for ~two of them, which were brain poison.) Keep writing jokes. It's good for everybody. Next round in 6 months.

I signed myself and my kids up for our library’s summer reading program today. And I wrote about why parents should sign up too in this piece. 📚 medium.com/the-parentin...

Any writers I know qualify for this? substack.com/profile/4136...

This is the Groove-billed Ani (Crotophaga sulcirostris), and it's just straight up a dinosaur. Like, I know *all* birds are technically avian dinosaurs, but my first thought looking at this guy is: dinosaur. (📷: Suzie McCann, eBird)

the nea just canceled grants ALREADY AWARDED for presses/mags that, according to the letter, do not “reflect the nation's rich artistic heritage and creativity as prioritized by the President.” support small presses. support literary mags. we have to find ways to keep literature alive.

Now that the weather is getting warmer, my cat is migrating to her summer home (the bathroom sink).

Julie's newsletter is the best! Also find out the surprising book that recently had me cackling.

My latest newsletter includes links to some posts sharing transparent author numbers, a humor writer editor panel video, and a funny book recommendation from humor writer @kristenmulrooney.bsky.social julievick.substack.com/p/april-mont...

Me: Checks LinkedIn once every 6 months. LinkedIn emails: You’re on a roll with LinkedIn!

I've been getting new followers and am guessing it's from a starter pack, but I am not sure which one. Is there any way to tell, or should I maybe stop procrastinating writing by trying to investigate this important mystery?

Very useful list of publications to submit satire, literary humor and humorous essays from @julievickwriter.bsky.social julievick.substack.com/p/20-markets... #humorwriting #submittinghumor #satire #humor #humourwriting

Me trying to figure out my kids’ sports and activities calendar this spring.