This line in the movie was the inspiration btw

It's been a while since I did an Austen mashup and I felt the need for one today (home with a sick kid) so here we go: Jane Austen characters × The Emperor's New Groove. A thread.

Hamlet: To be or not to be, that is the question Central Pennsylvanians: definitely not, yeah no for sure, definitely not

Letting my bangs grow out a little and really leaning into my 50-year-old-receptionist-named-Linda aesthetic

Mustaches are just bangs for men

I don't miss Twitter for the most part but I do miss having the bandwidth and opportunity to do nonsense like this when bots and randos slid into my DMs.

Just sat behind a group in my biology class who were feeding every question on the worksheet into ChatGPT and I'm just... sad? It's so, so blatant and no one is even trying to hide that they're cheating in a college course with a robot bullshitter. Bc the question of course is why wouldn't you?

Ugh my kids keep saying really funny things but I'm so brain dead by the time I get on social media at night that I can't even bleet them (file this under sentences that, while not of the "none of these words are in the Bible" category, would certainly disconcert a Puritan goodwife)

And can everyone please stop saying that the blanket oppression against mostly Latino immigrants and citizens that has included the murder of multiple citizens and the neglect deaths of many in detention as a distraction from the files? You know what’s also as bad as being a pedo? ALL OF THAT.

We're featuring a guest post today from Laura L on The Pom! "I don’t want to be the kind of parent who provides contradictory evidence to what my kid experiences in the world. Reassurance is crucial, but invalidation is so rough on the psyche." thepom.substack.com/p/sometimes-...

5yo: Mom I want a tornado Me: ...a what 5: A TORNADO Me: To do what 5: TO EAT Me: ... 5: Mom PLEASE I am HUNGRY for a TORNADO Me: What is a tornado 5: Mom you KNOW what a tornado IS Me: ...a storm? 5: NO A FOOD TORNADO Me: Buddy. 5: A TORNADO THAT IS A BURRITO BUT WIFOUT MEAT AND BEANS A TORTILLA.

Seen floating around the Internet:

relevant to many of yalls interests.

No version of Christianity that is faithful, orthodox & true can fit neatly into a Democrat or Republican box. Anyone who's trying to do that is giving up the best gift that we have, which is this word from outside that challenges the human assumptions and political boxes we’ve made. @kaitlynschiess

"With a judicial finger in the constitutional dike" is the kind of line my kids will learn in social studies class.

want to slash your grocery budget? Eat the rich

My favourite way of saying “we’re on it” or “we’ll take care of that for you” is the Dutch we zullen dat varkentje wel even wassen. It means “we will certainly get that piglet washed.”

I can't catch up on anything, I'm drowning with school and work and life and kids who don't sleep, but RIP Catherine O'Hara, the Great, and [censored] [unprintable] [FBI look away] ICE and Trump and Musk and Epstein even though he's already dead.

We're featuring a guest post today from @sallynicholls.bsky.social "It was not fun. There were a lot of tears. A lot of boredom. A crippling sense of responsibility and a constant awareness that I was failing somebody, somewhere, no matter what I was doing." www.the-pom.com/p/how-mr-rog...

Mr. Rogers has been a foundation of my parenting ethos since my now-5yo was a baby. I absolutely loved and resonated with this heartfelt guest piece from acclaimed children's author Sally Nicholls. 🩷

you can't lawfully deport a US citizen so this is more accurately described as kidnapping and child trafficking

my expectation of democratic senators is that they find 1/10th of the bravery of your average 70 year old lutheran lady following ICE around mpls in her subaru crosstrek

ICE has killed 9 folks in the first 26 days of ‘26: • Alex Pretti • Renee Good • Keith Porter • Heber Sanchaz Domínguez • Victor Manuel Diaz • Parady La • Luis Beltran Yanez-Cruz • Luis Gustavo Nunez Caceres • Geraldo Lunas Campos They all deserve justice. And for us to remember their names.

If Bilbo had Chat GPT

Liam himself is five goddamned years old and should be at home with an adult he trusts right now no matter who his parents are. It would not matter if they were literal criminal masterminds, Liam Ramos is a baby and babies do not belong in prison.

What scares me about our current moment is the number of people that seem to think things aren't that bad. What do they think Nazi Germany was like for straight, white Germans who generally didn't know/care what happened to the "undesirables"?

I stand in awe of the efficacy and activism of the fiber arts resistance, exemplified here by my 32-month-old

One thing that is really bothering me about the emphasis on Alex Pretti as an ICU nurse and an exemplary neighbor is that his death still would have been senseless, evil, unjustified if he were unemployed and surfing 4chan all day. "Model" citizens are not the only ones whose lives are sacred.

I was told by Soros that we can only share this highly classified information with people who can prove they have made a sizeable donation to the Immigrant Law Center of MN so receipt up, babe

I just do not think that the world needs another white woman to tell us to protect our peace and take care of our own and hug our babies tighter and find the joy. Like, I think we're good on that front.

I think I'm going to stress bake

I have nothing to offer anyone today except more grief and rage and my cat watching the snowstorm.

We should not have to watch a video of a man being shot from sixteen different angles to prove that he didn’t deserve to die in the gutter.

I have been turning this over in my mind since last January. We are testing whether that nation, or any nation so conceived and so dedicated, can long endure

We have a new update for all subscribers, both free and paid, on our site today -- along with a special offer! thepom.substack.com/p/paid-subsc...

"Having a two-year-old is MAGICAL," I whisper to myself as my toddler screams and claws at me begging to go outside and "swim in da baby pool" in 30-degree weather

I can't help but feel that the more we prepare for and hype this snowstorm, the less snow we will get

It's not lost on me that the same people who are so pro-ICE are also the same folks speeding around in giant trucks with tinted license plate covers. Or that they are the same folks who consider any suggestion that they should not drive like sociopaths as an attack on their freedom.

I was wise and smart and decided to do my shopping *this* evening to avoid the crowds tomorrow and Saturday. Guess how many other people were just as wise and smart

my perhaps naive take is that america is a deeply flawed and sometimes evil country but it’s still our home and it’s worth fighting to try and make it better

"There is simply no replacement for firsthand experience managing a toddler when it comes to building empathy and solidarity with caregivers—whether or not you choose to become a parent yourself." @laureneahmed.bsky.social makes the case for babysitting today: www.the-pom.com/p/bring-back...

and it still seems like too many of the ones who voted for this are more upset about not being treated politely about their choices than they are over their complicity

I have so many friends and relatives who would go nuclear if MY five-year-old were kidnapped by the state. They'd be calling representatives, sending out missing posters, maybe helping me serve a lawsuit. But they voted for the people who trafficked Liam Ramos and they won't acknowledge him at all.

A 5 year old is practically a baby. He probably can't communicate completely clearly. He very well may need to wear pull-ups at night, he may still be taking naps, he probably needs help getting dressed, and might not be independent in the bathroom yet. It's child abuse, plain and simple

I'm sorry, how is this not kidnapping? This is despicable and every single person complicit in this needs to be prosecuted to the full extent of the law. This shouldn't happen to adults, but it especially shouldn't happen to children.

No one: Absolutely no one: No one at all: My 5-year-old: Why does Mater even have TEEF if he doesn't USE them to EAT FOOD

The issue is that I don’t think a father of four can run a country. Who will be at home caring for his children?

This Is Just To Say I have stopped 8 wars PLUS that should've got me the Peace Prize but you were probably saving it for someone else Forgive me I want Greenland so sweet and so cold

Mom math is when the kid is sent home from daycare with a fever today but then he gets his energy back while you're trying to work with no childcare and you have to decide if you should ask for a sick day tomorrow *now* to give people time to plan, or if it'd be a waste because what if he's better--