*adjusts spectacles and lifts ear trumpet* I'm old enough to remember when supermarkets sold ice cream by the half-gallon

Sigh. No it doesn’t and this continues to be weird eugenist garbage that Nazis LOVE. You cannot judge someone’s morality by how they look and it enforces very dangerous stereotypes in both directions to do so. Stop this shit.

Vaccines cause autism. No more vaccines. Tylenol causes autism. Get rid of Tylenol. Women have children who are autistic. Welp--

women being blamed for autism is very 2025 and also very 1692

Everybody on social media is like Hobbit Day this and Hobbit Day that and listen, I appreciate the attention to our height and snackfulness but I believe the *proper* salutation is "happy wedding anniversary, Amy and Rob" 🙄

My 2yo begged and begged this evening for a bowl of sour cream, despite my telling him multiple times that it was not yogurt, and I finally caved and gave him a spoonful. He gulped it down, eyes widening in alarm, then defiantly grinned at me and said, "mm-HMMMMMM! GOOD!" I fear the teenage years.

What are some books you read in high school that you think everyone should read? I just read NIGHT by Elie Wiesel for the first time at age 30 and @kristenmulrooney.bsky.social said this was the "most homeschooled thing" I'd ever said so now I'm curious what other gaps exist in my lit education

me, pronouncing Maldives to rhyme with alewives: what do you mean you don't think I'm cultured enough

Pronouncing “omeprazole” like an Italian nonna in the Costco.

Please be quiet. I am burping my Tupperware.

Every so often I think of the person I was arguing with in 2020 about Black Lives Matter. She was adamant that it should be All Lives Matter and as I was trying to explain why that misses the point (not calling her racist), she told me angrily, "I am NOT a racist! I have black coworkers!"

I'm lying beside my 2yo trying to get him to fall asleep while desperately trying to not fall asleep myself because I got my covid booster today and I feel like I've been hit by a truck. Can we do a meme thread? I'll start.

Bluesky is like if the world was divided into people who are silly and the literal silly police

This is your friendly reminder that hate wrapped in scripture is still hate.

I am ticked off about Jimmy Kimmel, yes. But he is going to be fine. He's wealthy, he has a platform. How many ordinary people are suffering far more without mass boycotts drawing attention to their unjust job termination?

Don't ever let anyone tell you preschoolers don't work hard. It takes GRIT and DETERMINATION to wake up in a comfy bed surrounded by beloved toys after a full night of sleep, start the day with zero responsibilities and an already-prepared breakfast, and immediately find something to whine about.

I want to assure you guys that I'm fine and I'm just being dramatic 😅 and listening to Graceland as per

The danger of having a friend who's a little more bougie than you are isn't jealousy or whatever, it's that you get hooked on treats that should be out of your budget range but are SO good?? Anyway I just bought my first case of lemon Spindrift and I don't think I can ever go back to Belle Vie again

Been a real "why am I so soft in the middle now when the rest of my life is so hard" kind of week

I think @kristenmulrooney.bsky.social 's piece for The Pomegranate this week is a banger and you should subscribe to the-pom.com so you can read it tomorrow

lesson 1: push that fascist's mug right off the coffee table and start licking yourself in a way that definitely makes everyone else in the room VERY uncomfortable

Health experts: It's sick season! Viruses are coming home with your kids from school. Remember to prevent germ sharing! 🥰 Me: What? Sorry, what? I can't HEAR you over the sound of my 4yo deliberately coughing into his lemonade straw to make bubbles and immediately handing off the cup to his brother

My 2yo doesn't consistently sleep through the night, and I often end up sleeping beside him to calm him down. This morning I woke up at the same time he did, snuggled him close, and said, "Good morning! I love you, sweetheart." 🥰 And he stared deep into my eyes and shouted, "NO! I's TRASH TRUCK!"

"Despite my avoidance of self-help parenting books, I’ve been an avid reader my whole life, and as I thought about what kind of parent I wanted to be, a few principles from my favorite novels came to mind." www.the-pom.com/p/why-i-star...

Tomorrow I'll drop my kids at preschool at 9 & go to a 10:10 class. At 11 I will immediately go to pick up my kids at 11:30 to drop them off with a sitter at 12. Then I'll drive back to campus & do remote work for 1 hour & then class at 1:25 & 2:30. Last class ends at 3:45, pick up kids at 4:30.

Things you can't say on TV without getting fired: Charlie Kirk contributed to the political climate that led to his murder Things you can say on TV as long as you apologize later: we should kill the homeless

Ok here’s the thing. This is NOT a village. This is a nuclear family. By being like “we only need each other!” you’re not being cute, you’re enforcing the idea that women shouldn’t need any support outside of their own home, and if they do they’re failing. I hate this.

The fact that Matthew Dowd lost his job for pointing out Charlie Kirk’s hate speech, while Brian Kilmeade openly suggests we should euthanize the homeless and there is zero outrage, shows exactly what is terribly wrong with today’s political mainstream media.

Just saw a bumper sticker in the Aldi parking lot that said, "honk if you're letting the soft animal of your body love what it loves" and idk it just made me really happy

My almost-5yo spent an afternoon with a friend who has a garage full of exciting toys: battery powered ATV, bikes, scooters, etc. "What was your favorite part of being at your friend's house?" I asked him. "Hmmm," he said. "I think it was when me and [friend] counted to TWO HUNDRED together."

I finally put together a recap of what I read and wrote this summer! www.amy-colleen.com/p/the-summer...

Feels like that time of year-- chill in the morning, sultry in the afternoon-- to make Paul Simon's Graceland album my entire personality for the next ten days or so

"My younger son is a gleeful thrower, a mess-maker who creates for the sheer love of art and not to express any real distaste with the meal offered. Blueberries, mashed into a pulp– trash. Noodles shoved beneath the high chair seat– trash." www.the-pom.com/p/why-i-star...

So anyways some advice that I’m glad I finally learned to listen to: 1. You do not need to post. You are not a public figure. People are not waiting for you to weigh in. 2. You can log off (see above).

I wrote about one of my favorite books today for @thepom.bsky.social and about wanting to give my kids the gift of wasting security. www.the-pom.com/p/why-i-star...

No one deserves to be shot at. Not children at mass, not civilians in Gaza, not Charlie Kirk.

There is no broad conclusion to draw from this other than, if the pro-gun pundit with the professional security and the metal detectors and all the alleged good guys with guns nearby, gets shot and killed, how could this not happen to you? In what way is anyone else safer?

4yo: I had a mint cookie at my friend's house and I squished a blueberry on top of it and do you know what it tasted like? A hot dog! Me: Buddy, I think you're doing what they call "pulling my leg." 4yo: WELL I FINK *YOU* ARE DOING WHAT *I* CALL "EATING MY CAR."

How is it only Tuesday? It's Tuesday, right? Is everyone having a good Tuesday

Every care tag on every article of clothing or bedding these days says "machine wash separately." My good sir just how many washing machines do you suppose I possess

Administered the first children's Tylenol of the school year, hup hup lads here we go

Health experts I would trust before I would trust RFK: -Doctor Bluey and her misdiagnosis of cat-in-the-abdominal-cavity -Dr. Spaceman from 30 Rock -Sid from Toy Story -Mr. Woodhouse and his bowls of gruel -Old Mother Hubbard, who probably has at least Tylenol and a bandaid in that cupboard, right?

Friends don’t need to know what your spreadsheets are about, friends need to know how your office beefs are developing

I love all of my friends so much. I'm so proud of all of them. That being said, I must confess: if you are my friend and you work at a job that can't be neatly summarized by a Richard Scarry animal doing that same job, I probably have no clue what it is you do for a living. Love u tho 😘

"The difference between a lady and a flower girl is not how she behaves but how she is treated," I whisper to myself as I eat moose tracks ice cream directly out of the container

Do you ever wonder if you did the world a net disservice when you look back at a time when you, trying to be kind and reassuring, told someone, "no your thoughts aren't stupid!"

I interviewed author Devoney Looser @devoney.bsky.social and reviewed Wild For Austen on my Substack today! www.amy-colleen.com/p/wild-for-a...

I miss making my funny little posts. My brain has no room for thinking of them these days. But I feel the lack.

Not every mom is currently cruising the aisles of TJ Maxx, as IG would lead you to believe. @laureneahmed.bsky.social piece for The Pom is so good! www.the-pom.com/p/i-dont-car...