Mothers in this country can’t even fucking DIE without some of yall heaping shame on their parenting

Hey @lindsaynicolle.bsky.social the Cavs are playing the Nuggets let’s fight? (Be friends and go to bed as soon as the game is over)

My husband, skeptical that I will Aldi too close to the sun for NYE: Listen the list says Tostitos Scoops okay please do not get like Clancy’s Schmoops

He has taken more pics of the brisket than the children 🤣 Merry merry Christmas

Pray for me my kid just told mall Santa all she wants is a hyper specific item she has never once shown an interest in prior to today

Hating kids is so embarrassing. Like your enemy is really 3 feet tall and holding a Bluey plush? You have real beef with someone who tried to feed a toy truck Cheerios

My son is enjoying his vacation

You COULD do drugs or you could finish a super healing and difficult marathon to the emotional crescendo of TYRANT by Beyoncé which is stronger than drugs

Before and after If you ran HNL I’ll see u at the doctor next week for trench foot

I blurted out “oh my god tiktok I love you so much” which is a normal and cool thing to do

My sweet gem of a 72 year old mother told me, with great concern, that my 5yo “took a huge dump” on the pool deck Friends, she meant she tripped. Talk about bringing a very different energy 😂 (She’s ok!)

“You can’t have a village if you don’t want to be a villager” is bullshit here I wrote about why

Pitch meeting for Pedialyte popsicles “Ok, imagine a popsicle. It’s for sick children.” 🙂‍↕️🙂‍↕️🙂‍↕️ “You need scissors to get it open. And to eat it, you need the dexterity and patience to push just enough of the popsicle out of the plastic to eat but not so much it flies out and makes a mess.” 🤩🤩🤩

“Teach your 2 year old toddler to sit quietly and respectfully, you checked out parents!” Post the MAGA Boomers as the president of the United Stayes calls a sitting governor the r-word in a nonsensical screed.

The last indignity of norovirus is I cannot take these kids anywhere because I don’t want to spread it. They have been in the house for like 5 straight days, have taken everything completely apart, have reached the whining stage of bored, and

Every time I get norovirus - literally every single time - I’m like what is this eldritch horror? This must be an ancient plague! There is no way this is the stomach flu of my youth, I must be patient zero of something truly horrible. Alert the CDC

Our family all got norovirus in brutal succession over Thanksgiving and whew I am salty about it

It’s @yusufahmed.bsky.social first organized race so we brought headwinds, snow, ice, freezing temps and steep elevation to the party 😂💪🏼🫶🏼

Reading bios on Blue Sky is so funny - it’s always like NO CRYPTO STRIPPER SEX DMS I am HAPPILY MARRIED also RESIST

I did my 20 mile run today and absolutely ate pavement at mile 15, like completely busted my ass, but! I am so lazy, so absurdly lazy, that I just finished the final 5 of the run with my bloody knee and hands bc running 15 a different day just to get to 20 sounded worse TW knee pic in replies

Can anyone who has seen wicked for good give me the lowdown on appropriateness for my wicked obsessed 5yo

It’s so funny to see people ANALYZE why Trump fawned over Zohran Mamdani and it’s literally because he’s an old man who watches news TV all day and the man from the TV came to see him which was very exciting

Me, driving home from Thanksgiving where my kids ate so much: okay, bedtime when we get home My kids: aren’t you going to give us dinner

My husband knows my love language (never ever speaking to anyone)

Yes, I am trying to make the best of the fact that I don’t have a full time job right now. Maybe I was a little too good at it. No, it is not ever a “privilege” or a “vacation” to not have a job and need one

Y’all the tech bros have moved out of quarter zip season and into puffy vest season, which precedes wool overcoat season by about 45 days

Getting pretty fucking tired of the President of the United States getting away with shit that would get someone fired from any even entry level job

I can no longer follow the plot of this show. I suspect the writers and actors can’t either. I don’t think they have a show runner.

We need to stop talking about Trumps outbursts as questions or propriety and start framing them in terms of mental fitness

Today at @thepom.bsky.social I join @kristenmulrooney.bsky.social to review HBO Doc Thoughts and Prayers - previews tonight. Link in replies

I have spent 38 years not giving a fuck about what MTG thinks and let’s just say I hate to snap a streak

One time when toddlers absolutely have you by the balls is when they decide to simply sit down on the floor in protest. In public? There is no dignified way out of that for you

I am actually pretty strict about my kids’ behavior in public - I can’t abide the idea of them bothering anyone and will always remove them if they’re having a hard time sitting quietly at a show.

Taking a freshly potty trained toddler all over Manhattan I’m Lauren Ahmed, welcome to Jackass

Spending some days experiencing Shakira Law

One other thing about using a prolonged government shutdown as a mechanism for policy: it can’t only be deployed in service of policies you like and want. If we embrace the ethos of minority parties turning up the pain on people who largely did not

It’s cold cold now - not jk cold, cold enough that the lake effect hardened northerners are starting to take notice

Finishing a lengthy library book before I have to return it always makes me feel like the most powerful being on earth

In addition to the selfish desire for me to be able to feed myself and my family, the other thing that really scared me was the possibility of a major air disaster. I don't care who would've been "blamed" for it. It's a tragedy that I hope we avoided.

I am not defending Chuck Schumer, but I do think it is slightly more reasonable than we give credit to say that we cannot allow starving Americans, withholding their pay, and compromising their safety to become the way we do policy here. Saying “we were winning!” - no one wins when kids go hungry.

look I know being an engaged citizen IS the work of democracy but it is also the work of elected officials not to create situations where everyone has to be mobilized all the time to prevent them from allowing some kind of Dickensian horror on a Sunday night while you're in between loads of laundry

It is the job of the president to provide the necessary leadership to keep the government open Keep repeating it

I have a new instant pot and it doesn’t look exactly like my old instant pot so I sometimes look at it and then just decide best not to risk it

I am not going to participate in the question of whether women belong at work in a country where the job market and wages are so shitty I’m frankly wondering if our family needs a THIRD income

Charlotte was fun and also I have never been to a city whose downtown is so deserted It’s like walking through a movie set

Doing the bravest thing someone can do (arriving first on a girls trip with other moms during virus season)

I have entered the marathon training phase known as hungry

Trumpism is not popular when it’s actually in power and being enacted, it is ONLY ever persuasive when they can lie about it Read it again

One of my toxic traits and secret shames is I genuinely love Subway If you ever wonder who tf is still eating Subway it’s me

When I think about the things that have reorganized my brain on a molecular level the most salient is returning to work just 4 weeks after a c-section, not even medically cleared, with no daycares even being willing to accept a baby that young