a special burn unit specifically for people who can’t wait for their food to cool down

If only someone could figure out how to make milk safe to drink! It'd be such a big deal the process would be named after them.

BREAKING: groundbreaking Lawndale garage band Mystik Spiral have pulled out of the Great American State Fair

Don’t forget about Gaza!

Bottom line: either you believe everyone has an absolute right to personal autonomy and self-determination, or you believe some outside force—the government, the church, the media—gets to tell you who you are. To define you. If you believe the latter, you’re fundamentally opposed to all freedoms.

Beached Shark.

Just remember, no one can prove you weren’t an employee of the month at RadioShack

Existential dread canceling headphones

Götterdämmerung jazz

If liminal spaces were music, then earthlings? would be God. earthlings1.bandcamp.com/album/ecaps

Good morning

Of course the devil exists The Who would never have been able to make "Squeeze Box" a hit without infernal help

Unfortunately the Mos Eisley Cantina Band have had to drop out of the Freedom 250 show due to too much scum and villainy.

Today Microsoft moved all its GitHub copilot subscribers to token-based billing. If you want to see what happens when people have to pay the actual costs of AI, the day is finally here. It's obvious that every customer sees the deep, meaningful value and isn't angry at all.

Wow, do I like this new channel. Jackdaw breaks down some of the most popular lies in paleoanthropology: Might Makes Right, Hierarchy is Inherent, Patriarchy Is Natural, and Man Hunt, Woman Gather. On par with miniminuteman re: debunking mid-century sexist biases. www.youtube.com/watch?v=FHUB...

I choose to believe that you have to serve this by letting your guests dip their wineglasses in the bucket

pride month can’t start tomorrow my lions haven’t hatched yet

What a coincidence! I just interviewed this Fisher Price Farmer Says See 'n' Say, and it told me some incredibly interesting things about farm life. Let me know when you'd like to publish this!

“Do u mean clinches, they’re a legit tactical move” yeah it’s for when you really wanna hug

Girl who practiced boxing just for the little hugs they get to do in the middle of the fight

Make a movie title into a porn title: Backdoor Rooms

The Soggy Bottom Boys have confirmed their withdrawal from the Freedom 250 concerts after revelations about the organisers' links to a certain secret society

Told a Conservative guy today that Hitler was so scared of “the kind and tolerant left” that he preferred offing himself to facing the justice we had in mind for him, and I fear I may have broken his brain, he was leaving me a 10th post of gibberish when I blocked him.

Many obsess over the idea that poor people might take more than they need, but they never question why billionaires are never satisfied with what they already have.

found a sticker

Americans, I am begging you to understand that this is what your country has always been.

I attempted it about ten years ago and he cancelled last minute which felt like an authentic Morrissey experience

Daft Punk is playing at my house. My house.

I would be remiss not to point out that "Tricking Milli Vanilli into performing a concert for a dictator" is LITERALLY a storyline from the 1990s 'Super Mario Bros 3' cartoon 🙃

Here's the serious bit for anyone who'd rather skip the 4000 words of jokes

When you let your dick arise, the scripture says, your enemies will be scattered. Depression, lack, trouble, cannot stand against your dick. When you let it arise, chains that have held you back will break, problems that look permanent will turn around.

scam likely

God: *creating Eve from Adam's rib* Adam: That's a weird way to make people God: Lol wait till you see how she does it

The rules of being a poseur: 1. Admit and own that you're a poseur. 2. Don't let your inner gatekeeper rob you of the joy of enjoying that band or whatever it is even though you're a poseur.

My life coach yelling from the sideline for me to "just run out the clock"

TOMORROW YOU WILL GRAB THE SUN WITH BOTH HANDS AND DEVOUR IT. FOR NOW HAVE YOU HAD ENOUGH WATER TODAY?

The world celebrates Eid, while Gaza greets its first day with bombardment and 20 martyrs. Fear and terror are their constant companions, and Samaa fears greatly for her daughters amidst this destruction. Your support and donations can make a world of difference for them. chuffed.org/project/1575...

You can help Ziad & Mirna's family survive Israel's genocide by sharing & donating:

Now you can keep track of how many billions the AI companies are losing on AI. (Red is spending, green is revenue.) isaiprofitable.com

In difficult times, more than ever, you need to have a battle cry of faith. Create a sound of victory. “Yes, this problem is big, but I know my dick is bigger.”

"everything is made up" is uniquely freeing. we can—and should—make up better things together and get rid of made up things that hurt people. we have the power to change reality because we *invented* reality.

Wait... why is this true? There's something to this...