He just admitted what Republicans are accusing Biden of.

Goodness, how did Republicans have time to vote today between calling in bomb threats to Democratic precincts?

Someone tell Keke it’s fine that she doesn’t know who he is anymore. He dead.

*brings a Costco sheet cake to a knife fight Can you cut this up before you stab me, please?

no top lip in sight 🫶🏼

Unfortunately for every other generation, 3!OH3! absolutely cooked with “tell your boyfriend, if he says he’s got beef that I’m a vegetarian and I ain’t fuckin scared of him,” so everyone else will have to deal with us repeating it forever.

Socrates teacher was a woman. But they don’t tell us that.

*prince voice* little moist towelette

*lilting fiddle music* My dear, I can almost smell your cherry pop-tarts in the toaster as I don my camo and black gaiter for another skirmish. The inflatable frog is a relentless foe, but we fight on against his terrible wokeness. If I should die, cradle my broken head on dem fine ass tiddies. Jack

Girls will say “I needed this” and it’s just a comfy sweater and cold weather.

Years ago when Twitter was still Twitter I @ed Tomi Lahren and invited her to come to Oregon to bare knuckle box me in a cage match. She blocked me immediately.

My boyfriend’s Diablo character is a necromancer named NecroWafer and if you don’t understand the pun then you’re likely way too young to be following me.

They took our grandmothers medicare away. 50 years working the state government for Oregon. She now has a monthly expense of $1300 or, she lets herself potentially die. We great yet?

Luke Skywalker is a terrorist under the fascist Sith regime. Do you think he was a monster for taking down enemies that wanted to murder and destroy planets of innocent people? Didn’t think so.

They were right. The revolution will literally be televised.

I take my weed like I take my illnesses Chronic

don't eat shit from the hand that feeds

live fast die young bad girls do it well *closes pill-minder case*

“You gotta be kinder to others, you absolute waste of space.”

I wish you could watch a YouTube video backwards just to take your view back

“I sautéed some microgreens with cut Black Forest ham and some cracked pepper, and now I’m watching horror movies and doing skincare.” My boyfriend asks me what I’m up to while he’s at work and I wonder how he ever lived before me and my thrilling itineraries.

children used to be able to work in mines and metal foundries because we let them drink beer and smoke cigarettes at age nine. but child labor just isn’t viable now that most kids are teetotalers

each time one of you deactivates an angel loses its wings

at least the memes will be good

I just want everyone to consider that I do not be fucking with people but when I do, it’s because they thought it was safe to fuck with me.

if you cant be a real star just pretend ✨⭐️✨

gritty late '90s remake where the finale reveals Edward Norton was two guys, a girl, and a pizza place the entire time

Personally I’m still busy listening to Selena + Benny ✨

𝐄𝐦𝐩𝐥𝐨𝐲𝐞𝐞𝐬 𝐦𝐮𝐬𝐭 𝐬𝐥𝐨𝐩𝐩𝐲 𝐰𝐞𝐭 𝐬𝐥𝐚𝐩 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐬 𝐬𝐢𝐠𝐧 𝐚𝐟𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝐰𝐚𝐬𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐡𝐚𝐧𝐝𝐬.

I can’t come, sorry. I’ve recently rewatched Children of Men and I have to stay home and rethink the entirety of the human race.

Welcome to your 50's, here's a starter pack.

I could be writing songs about your glorious [redacted] but you playin’

Remember when song titles wouldn’t fit in your mp3 player window cuz bands insisted on making them novels

I fuck, marry, & then kill the same person. Repeatedly. I’m wanted in several states for murder.

I’ve an elephant in the room and skeletons in my closet welcome to october

IL Congressional candidate Kat Abughazaleh: "I think Kristi Noem should have consequences. I think she should be tried at The Hague."

Recession so bad I'm having to cut back on secret third things.

I think Travis helped her write some of these they’re so juvenile lol

my worms are thriving on the fish and onion waste I gave them I didn’t strive to become the queen of decay but we wear the crowns thrust upon us ✨

TLOASG is a huge swing and a miss for this Swiftie. But I’m thrilled she’s getting loved and sexed up good finally. ✨🎀🌷⭐️✨

🎃

Goodnight, Lady Jane. 🍌

me disassociating

It’s become literally impossible to defend Nicki Minaj 🤣

IT'S PUMPKIN SEASON, BETCHES

Freddy Krueger is the best slasher villain and I don’t think it’s even close.

why say “agree to disagree” when what you actually mean is “hey why don’t you just shut the fuck up, moron”