Me because I haven’t had a Dr Pepper in five days if anyone cares

Having to go to work today, when most people don’t, sucks buns

I got a new tattoo if you know ball you get it

Is anyone mad at me tell me now

Please accept my most sincerest uh oh I made a fucky wucky

Getting real sick of underwear and responsibilities

Sometimes when I howl at the moon I wonder if you all are howling at the same time 🥺

My superpower is buying useless shit

“I’ll figure it out later” I say as someone who has never gotten around to “later” in her life

I’m past needing a stress ball I want to set things on fire

Normalize morning starting way later I’m too sleepy to function this early

Me on my first ever stream: *sits down, brings mic to mouth, stares into camera* “We’ve been trying to reach you about your cars extended warranty.”

People may disappoint you but Dr Pepper is eternal.

I’m just gonna start this game and then I’m gonna start this game and then I’m gonna start this other game and then I’m gonna start another game and then…

💅🏼

Just remembered I’ll have crawfish season again this year and life is worth living again *frolics through a field of seafood boils*

2026 goals: stand ominously in the trees behind your house.

Kind of wack that my life isn’t fixed after taking one (1) vitamin

Omg stop sending me emails it’s like you want me to work or something at my job

Well?

The important thing about making goals for yourself for a new year is to make sure these goals serve you. They should not punish you. They should make your life easier or happier not restrict or limit you.

It’s only when I’m financially struggling that some random bs charge will appear on my account (a subscription I forgot I signed up for)

It’s the first day back to work for some people and also apparently their first day alive on earth

I’ve contracted sleepy girl syndrome and it’s terminal

I need more than an “ask app not to track” button, I want a restraining order.

My 2026 mantra

Surely I’ll pick something to eat if I scroll DoorDash for the sixteenth time. Surely.

Who knew? Who knew my baby, who knew the hard times were the good ol’ days?

I wish I could explain to yall the lawyer drama In Houston because it hit the TikTok feed and thats CRAZY to experience in real time

My first selfie from 2016 to my last selfie of 2026. The amount of change is crazy lol I’m always on a side mission these days also jeez I was a baby in 2016

Me blocking people for the new year: “you have displeased me, begone”

Happy new years my friends glad to have had a whole year with you all I hope I can keep you entertained for another year and continue to be your friend. 💜💚

Driving? On new years? No thank you. I’m watching the alien movies cuddled in bed.

This year I went to 12 concerts, read 24 books, and played over 14 new video games. As someone with unmediated adhd I’m proud of those numbers because I distract easily. I also got to meet Miya and Mimi irl and see several friends get married. I hope 2026 is just as blessed as this year was.

I’m already struggling with putting 2026 for new dates. The existence of time is so annoying.

The true gift of Christmas is the lack of traffic during the holidays

I need to understand the logic of coming to a lesbian bar as a man to celebrate your birthday. As a straight man. With your straight man friends. I need…I need to know.

*thinks about something I didn’t wanna think about* *decides to take a 6 hour nap to compensate*

If at first you don’t lock in, crash out

I despise EA with my whole heart and chest.

Don’t talk to me or my son Robert the Pig ever again

Happy Monday 🧍🏽‍♀️

I think someone cursed me but just with the inconvenience that it rains on the day I decide to wash my car.

Me because I’ve woken up with a headache two days in a row.

Your honor, lowkey? I was on one.

Honestjy I made it without buying a labubu or those mystery boxes this year so…I think that is a win.

Someone should invent a digestive system that works right.

I’ve been zooted on migraine pills all day what did I miss?