Inside you there are two wolves

Flashing lights illuminate the scene as a photographer snaps pictures of the mangled corpse. Several yards away, a uniformed officer is vomiting on the sidewalk. An unmarked sedan pulls up, and a detective emerges. Staring down at the body, he slowly removes his sunglasses and whispers, “Found him.”

I do not think it raises that question at all. Nobody in the world thinks it raises that question. But good for you, typing some content.

Ironically this post itself contains a major error as Big Brother did not air until 1999.

Frankly it’s embarrassing how much George Orwell’s “1984” gets wrong about 1984. The publisher should update it to be more accurate, e.g. “Winston heard ‘Eat It’ by Weird Al Yankovic playing on the radio. ‘I’d hate to be Michael Jackson right now!’ he said to Big Brother”

them: ARE YOU READY FOR SOME FOOTBALL?!?! me: no

I don’t trust people who “can’t complain.”

I don’t understand why more people don’t get nipply about dendrochronolgy. It’s like, we’ve determined that the tree used for that beam was growing when Queen Elizabeth I was using Venetian ceruse to cover up her smallpox scars

Also, actors in movies.

More posts like this please

let this be your reminder that you too can kill nearly everyone aboard the Titanic if you just believe in yourself

True. This is me and my sisters on my eighth birthday.

Elnathan John gets it.

What a fascist. Hitler wanted to cultivate what was good in the human heart too. HITLER. You are HITLER, Jay.

I regret to report that all the people not on Bluesky are right about all the people on Bluesky.

Roxane would no doubt condemn the writer - whose name currently escapes me - who once said, "The problem with freedom of speech is that people think it means freedom from consequences"

dan bongino and kash patel lying unconscious on the ground after bonking their heads together as they both bent down to examine what is later determined to be their own footprints

Ugh. To those of you citing Charlie Kirk’s hypocrisy and reprehensible views as an implied justification for his murder, stop and think: do you really think people should get the death penalty for hypocrisy? Or for having stupid, despicable opinions? Democracy doesn’t work if we can’t speak freely.

WHO WANTS TO SAY A JOKE

Emerald Fennell’s Wuthering Heights makes some bold choices

Trump, dying: They don’t actually want you to know tomatoes is fruit. The woke pyramid tells you it’s vegetable. We love sandwich. Beautiful turkey, some ham, does very well. The Swiss have been treating us poorly for decades, charging for the whole slice

Tonight's Low Quality Ad is for this Black Yeti Plush. Most people assume that all yetis are white. Is this racist? Yes. Yes, it is. collabs.shop/gvckxb

Well la di da Mr I’m Too Classy To Jerk Off To The Chipettes.

On a scale of 1 to 10 for hotness, I would rate myself a good listener

(Defensive and unconvincingly) “I have pants; I have many pairs of pants. Why, right here is a pair of pants I own, and can wear. I wear pants all the time”

This might be my favorite comic we've made.

me, at the big work meeting, after the boss has just laid out a 20-year progressive plan for the company: haha, you’re laying out these complex metrics as if… {chuckling as i gesture to everyone in the room} …as if any of this matters.

Hi, just checking in on Bluesky. Everyone still intersectionally sound? Great!

This isn’t true. This could definitely happen in Australia. I think it could probably happen just about anywhere. Absolutely everyone is capable of seeing themselves as victimised, given the right motivation.

A nice knock on your door. Against your better judgement you open it. "Hello!" I say happily. Dressed in a brown plaid suit, black bowler hat, and carrying a very large suitcase. "Have you ever considered the advantages of reusable metal tubes?"

muppetizing the film industry: thread

Sometimes all you can do is laugh. This is a symptom of major brain injury.

"Also, there was a fear that the new arrivals would introduce a criminal element to the continent, which to be fair was a pretty accurate fear." Brilliant extract from @benpobjie.bsky.social's "Error Australis", concerning 1788 and all that.

You know how at McDonalds the wifi is called “Wi-Fry”? That kills me. It’s amazing. I could never think up something like that.

It’s quite an honour to be featured here. It’s like the Substack equivalent of playing the Grand Ole Opry, or something more appropriate than that.

“Many of them found their own slow deaths were lowering their morale.” No newsletter this week because I've been on holiday. Instead, here's an extract from @benpobjie.bsky.social's excellent book Error Australis, concerning 1788 and all that

Please introduce me to Stephen Fry open.substack.com/pub/benpobji...

I will pay you to apologise to me

#WTCFinal 🏏

The word “erection” can be used in more than one context. Which may be useful for comedic purposes. Just a tip.

The sort of piece I’d like hooked to my veins

I think this is 100% true.

Starmer backwards is REM Rats.

If I lived in London I could see squirrels every day

I think I should move to London. All those in favour send me money.