human aaron
@humanaaron.bsky.social
📤 658
📥 235
📝 198
died penniless and insane
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human aaron
Emma™
6 days ago
performance and dancing drugs
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human aaron
slate
6 days ago
they should also do a nobel dipshit prize
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human aaron
donni saphire
8 days ago
You don’t have to worry about stuff. Just be zen and let the beautiful waves smash you into the rocks
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human aaron
Schmrrrrrrrlex
8 days ago
c'mon son, you've been in there for 45 minutes. there are other people in this house who need to use the shower to hide from a nightmarish reality I can no longer accept
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human aaron
Magnum, T.I.(M.)
18 days ago
tired: aura farming Wired: aura hunter-gatherers
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human aaron
Molly Knight
about 1 month ago
what a humiliating way for don jr. to find out his dad sends birthday cards.
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human aaron
Frovo
about 1 month ago
ordered a guitar on temu and got a fewer paul
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human aaron
mr potato
about 1 month ago
filling my trunk full of nickles and running a bootleg atm behind the bowling alley
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human aaron
slate
about 1 month ago
imagining michael caine on a caribbean island sipping a piña colada while reading this script and then slowly sitting up, removing his glasses to wipe a tear, and calling his agent, “i’m coming back”
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human aaron
slate
about 2 months ago
when pokemon go came out the entire world found joy in the same thing and i think only one other event could replicate that
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human aaron
Hell Ray-ser
2 months ago
in england, a cock block is called a blimey stymie. no it's not, i'm sorry, i don't know why i said that
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human aaron
Frovo
about 2 years ago
ME: how will i die FORTUNE TELLER: you will be hit by a car ME: will my wife miss me FORTUNE TELLER: perhaps i wasn’t clear
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human aaron
Midge
3 months ago
I keep secrets by forgetting what you told me almost immediately
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human aaron
Shenanigans
3 months ago
What if animals had regional accents too. Like a little southern kitty going "meowyall"
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human aaron
Texas Warren G. Harding Massacre
3 months ago
Comic book supervillains are supposed to be smart. Trump is an Addams Family villain, and Musk could easily be defeated by Phineas and Ferb
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There’s no school zones in front of Montessoris and that is some standing on business shit if I’ve ever seen it
4 months ago
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human aaron
slate
4 months ago
sorry i don’t think Zohran’s win indicates how state or national races will go. Zohran campaigned against unaffordable basic needs and an old pervert. problems that are unique to new york city and no where else in the country
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what are you extending right now? an olive branch? what am I supposed to do with it? it’s a stick shit like this is exactly why we were fighting in the first place smh
4 months ago
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human aaron
batkaren
5 months ago
“patience is a virtue” my dude do I look virtuous
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human aaron
andy vs.
6 months ago
Hm okay waiter not as charmed by "drinking for two" as "eating for two"
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human aaron
mr potato
6 months ago
oh no what happened
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I memorized a tree
6 months ago
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human aaron
donni saphire
7 months ago
Never argue with a talking fish. That fish didn’t learn how to talk just to argue with you, idiot
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my grampa trying to explain fourstroke engines to me in terms i’d understand (god bless him hes trying): you know how Radiohead has two drummers? it’s like that
7 months ago
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human aaron
Ian of the Sea
8 months ago
GOP: You must elect Republicans the US economy is a complete disaster ME: It's actually not that bad GOP: Give us a minute will ya
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human aaron
Maddie
8 months ago
Putting on a hoodie and a Guy Fawkes mask as I spend an hour getting a game that’s supposed to work on Linux to work on Linux
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me: let's roll caveman: I don't get that reference
8 months ago
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human aaron
James Alvarez
8 months ago
If scientists had it their way this is how dinosaurs would look
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BEN FRANKLINS WIFE [every time she misplaced her keys probably]: that stupid asshole I’m so sick of his shi… oh wait there they are
9 months ago
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santa could probably kick my ass tbh
10 months ago
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They say Opossums only live 3-4 years but maybe those scientists were just really really gullible
10 months ago
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Snake Toys: Toys for Snakes!
10 months ago
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ALL the single ladies?!?
10 months ago
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you just know wet cat food makers treat dry cat food makers like shit
10 months ago
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human aaron
me: *trying to befriend the escaped lab monkey I found* I think it’s cool that you’re into S.T.E.M.
over 1 year ago
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it’s unfair that dunking a rice crispy treat in milk isn’t good. It’s cereal bro what happened
11 months ago
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my ungrateful cat won’t eat its fucking lasagna
over 1 year ago
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me: looking in | annog er’ouY the mirror at a | ereht tuo og party I wasn’t | big eht llet dna invited to | yrots eip top
over 1 year ago
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Unlike q-tips, bobby pin packaging doesn’t say anything about not inserting them into your ear canal so have at it
over 1 year ago
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I like how dogs suddenly become doctors whenever a person lays on the floor
over 1 year ago
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my vibe is the same as a dog who ran into the couch at full speed and you don’t know if it’s embarrassed or if it meant to do that but it just wants to go lay down now
over 1 year ago
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me: *trying to befriend the escaped lab monkey I found* I think it’s cool that you’re into S.T.E.M.
over 1 year ago
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does anyone else remember that season of mr rogers when he wore a leather vest
over 1 year ago
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Dog Cologne. Do I have to think of everything myself?
over 1 year ago
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pulled an all-spooner (used every spoon i got)
over 1 year ago
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Got an invitation for me and a plus two to a Mormon wedding
over 1 year ago
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we should just rope off a section of cvs and put all the embarrassing shit in one place. it can have its own self checkout and a private exit out the back
over 1 year ago
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I took an edible before i went to the vet and i started crying because i thought a hairless cat had cancer
over 1 year ago
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