I just want a little less suffering for most people, hopefully including me

“Comparison is the thief of joy” that’s a pretty good saying. But I’ve heard better

HER: I don’t remember the last time you did something nice for me ME: I do PRIEST: Haha...weird. Anyway I guess you may now kiss the bride

Drumeo be like “Miley Cyrus’ drummer hears the happy birthday song for the first time”

This is a functional good morning cat pic thread. It is for the private enjoyment of my friends on bluesky. The original photos are property of the lucky cat parents who love them, and may not be monetized or otherwise commercially exploited. And please, no wagering.

The story of Icarus provides us with a valuable lesson: never fuck up real bad

thank god our president reached an agreement with iran to finally open the straight of hormuz which has been closed since, let me see, the beginning of the war he started

Oh I get it. That's a good idea.

Life is like soccer because my mom signed me up for it and expects me to do my best even though I hate soccer.

Astronaut: Houston, we have a problem Mission Control: what is it? Astronaut: it's really scary up here

I like to think that somewhere deep in the backrooms is a Chili’s Bar and Grill

🥋EPISODE 178 - STREET FIGHTER: THE LEGEND OF CHUN-LI 🥋 Ahead of the upcoming reboot, we’re revisiting 2009’s STREET FIGHTER: THE LEGEND OF CHUN-LI

ME: These days I always expect the worst to happen, that way I'm never surprised or upset. [the worst happens again] ME: Fuck fuck fuck how is this possible?!!

Never a dull moment? How about just a few? Please?

🦑 EPISODE 177 - STRANGE DAYS 🦑 This week we’re talking about the difficult to watch but impossible to forget 90s cyberpunk cult classic STRANGE DAYS

In 1937 when bluesman Robert Johnson sang "I got to keep movin', got to keep movin', hellhound on my trail," he wasn't talking about literal devil shit. The dude had undiagnosed ADHD.

ME: [making big plans] Today I was really going to accomplish something.

[explaining to my date the first time I take my shirt off in front of her] Yeah there's no rear deltoid on this body, that's not the kind that I got

THEM: You seem to rely on a lot of quirky motivational catchphrases. ME: I don't worry about all that. I just keep doing the work and working the doo doo.

of course i celebrate the holy trinity (bite of sandwich, bite of pickle, bite of potato chip)

(somberly) He has gone to the great big ballroom in the sky

ADHD is so exhausting. Each time before getting up from my chair to do something I have to convince myself I'm the kind of person who gets up from their chair to do things.

this is such a great encapsulation of what the various factions of the reactionary right want. i might add that they envision themselves as slave masters and the rest of us, in one way or another, as their slaves. betterdonkey.substack.com/p/the-vra-wa...

🐶EPISODE 176 - UNDER THE SILVER LAKE 🐶 We're on the hunt for Silver Lake's mysterious dog killer in this week's episode, as we dissect David Robert Mitchell's 2019 paranoid odyssey UNDER THE SILVER LAKE

"Here's a link to a gift article." Thanks for your generosity. Here's my finger pointing to the majestic natural beauty of a flower, consider it a loan.

🦅EPISODE 175 - LADYHAWKE 🦅 We’re back and we’re covering Richard Donner’s 1985 medieval fantasy epic LADYHAWKE

💰EPISODE 174 - OUT OF SIGHT💰 We’re revisiting a 90s classic heist/comedy/romance from Steven Soderbergh, OUT OF SIGHT

Trump after the failed negotiation with Iran:

🌚 EPISODE 173 - FIRST MAN 🌚 Ryan Gosling is in space! Nope not that one. Not the Star Wars one either, that’s next year. We’re checking in with Damien Chazelle’s 2018 Neil Armstrong biopic FIRST MAN.

*entire world goes up in smoke* Oh no my concerns!

I assure you that if 8 million right leaning protesters had turned out against Obama it the NYT would have given it banner treatment eg POPULIST REVOLT

Everything is terrible so painted a shrimp

they are adding a sixth stage to grief called monkey mode

Reading the news used to be depressing, now it's deeply unsettling. Reality is crumbling and we're here scrolling through the shards.

Living through these times is hard. I never know whether to lose my entire shit, or save a little shit for losing later when things get worse.

The strategy of "waiting until all the irreversible damage has been done" does not seem optimal, but I am not a professional politician, so I assume they know what they are doing.

the hardest part about separating the art from the artist is how i seem to have glued myself to this macaroni picture

ME 10 YEARS AGO: [relaxed] I'm not worrying about too many things. ME NOW: [panicked] I'm "not worrying" about too many things!

REPORTER: But the wreckage of the drones that struck California say "FBI" on them PRESS SECRETARY: Yeah that stands for Flown By Iran

FBI SPOKESPERSON: Iran is plotting a drone attack on the US. Now don't be fooled, the drones may say "Property of FBI" on them. And they might even launch from the back of my Suburban. That's just how devious and untrustworthy Iran is.

im just really fucking sick of spending my entire adult life lurching from one worldwide economic disaster to another all because people pretend republicans arent dumb as dog shit morons completely detached from reality

🦅 EPISODE 172 - TEAM AMERICA: WORLD POLICE 🦅 I promise we didn’t plan this. But this week we’re going back to dissect the Iraq War-era satire from the South Park creators. It’s TEAM AMERICA: WORLD POLICE time.

US NAVY: The Strait of Hormuz is NOT yours, and we'll sail through here whenever we damn well- *huge explosion* IRAN: I said it's MINED

this war is so bad even neocon hawks are like nah I'm not into this, this isn't one of the good wars

With everything going on right now, I can't believe Joe Biden picked this week to raise gas prices.

When something you can't even see (the air) is trying desperately to draw attention to itself (high winds), that's when you know mother nature has been truly corrupted (by influencer culture).

It's basic math folks. If gas becomes 40% more expensive, smart Americans should simply drive 60% of the way to work before turning around.

When somebody asks how old I am, I tell them I won my first discman in a Counter-Strike tournament at an Internet cafe