Gavin Newsom looks like a lawyer who gets all the Captain Planet villains off on a technicality.

Getting rid of the headphone jack is up there with legalized gambling, re: the dissolution of society

GET his ass joyce … get his ASS

Jesse Gemstone-ass Presidency

you couldn’t make The Office today because we already know Jim is a CIA plant.

Get a paper so we can keep doing stuff like this: Membership.theonion.com

We’ve got the Onion Newsvan circling the cursed UFC fight outside the White House.

It’s really wild to have all that production for one night of fighting. In my day, we staged entire worldwide fighting tournaments on the street and we loved it.

I finally remembered the best one - PG Wodehouse learning of Jack Kerouac's recent death during a 1969 interview with the Paris Review and having a perfectly Bertie Wooster-ish reaction: 'those chaps sure do go quickly, don't they'

A sense of scale

Michael Irvin (I didn't recognize him but my husband did) opened a door into me at LAX.

Hi, we saw you from across the bar, and we'd like to give you health care.

Random comment seen on Mastodon: "AI artwork looks the way Christian Rock sounds."

It is absolutely fitting that Trump briefly disturbed the excellent energy in NYC to watch the Knicks lose for the first/only time in six weeks, and then retreated to stage a fistfight on his lawn where he's paying the winner in electricity.

oh look at me i’m jalen brunson i just broke twelve records and won the championship and mvp and now i’m going home to my hot doctor wife who was my high school sweetheart

Last image from tonight (short film in the morning): this brother out here with his Singer sewing machine, gifting people a custom embroidery on their jerseys and hats with the name and the date, was more artistic than anything at Burning Man and ad gorgeous as a Caravaggio. Magic! Goodnight.

The world’s first trillionaire took away our Ebola response capacity, gave us screwworms, hollowed out our government so he could pay less taxes, and condemned millions of the world’s most vulnerable people to death.

I don't follow sports so I assume from the photos that the Ghostbusters defeated Gozer

Lauren Southern's story of being raped by Andrew Tate is sad on so many levels. www.newyorker.com/magazine/202...

Real America.

We need a special How To With John Wilson about the Knicks victory.

Nithya, you are the Lakers' only hope

hey knicks fans, i wanna hear about all the little superstitious things you did to make sure we won (i was instructed to pat a stuffed knicks basketball plushie whenever i passed it, which i did, so you're all welcome)

KNICKS IN FIVE KNICKS PRIDE BROOKLYN

EVERYONE’S CHEERING THIS BABY

Best one so far

The L Train Brass Band! ltrainbrassband.com

I don’t even follow basketball and I am not from and have never lived in NYC but this thread is genuinely lovely.

Me going back to Bushwick from Cobble Hill tonight

Mamdani truly has the mandate of heaven

Congratulations to Spike Lee who endured as a Knicks fan all these years

This one really tickles me bc not only is it joyous and not only does the beat slap but they got choreography and everything

the feral cats must be like what the hell man tonight

All of these videos of people singing and dancing and playing music in the streets make me very happy.

Here’s how Fort Greene celebrated as the Knicks sealed their first NBA title since 1973.

Sure why not let’s go Knicks

when a big account reposts you

The streets of New York are ALIVE

I wonder who was the last mayor before Mamdani who had an actual love for the city and its residents instead of being a crank who wished the city was just $20M penthouses in buildings finished 5 years ago but don't even have light switches and toilets, and the people who could afford them.

One of my least rational beliefs is that if you pull off a heist without hurting anyone or getting caught within a day, that's your stuff fair and square.

lil jon at warped tour:

It can't be overstated how he really doesn't know how anything works but was mythologized as a supergenius engineer by a shitty press

This point can’t be stressed enough. Just as Musk bought Twitter to try to make himself seem popular, he bought Tesla to make himself seem smart. The only thing he’s actually invented is a mythology about himself

Please Use AI

Guy at the pyramids called after me “sir!” No response “maam!” No response, after a few seconds he tries again “cousin!” I think we’ve cracked it. There is a gender neutral honorific.

How long it takes and how hard it is to undo the damage will depend in large part on the political will of the people elected to do it. If you get hand-wringing caveat peddlers who want to deliberate for years before acting it'll never happen. Plan has to be ready on day one

But for real, if someone refused to wear this hat/shoes/socks when they did a military appreciation game? Or if someone wrote a reference on their hat to the 150+ schoolgirls we vaporized at Shajarah Tayyebeh Elementary School? Woooo-boy. We'd never hear the end of it.