ME: basically i’m on the computer all day and i’m not allowed to eat lettuce even if i wanted to 10 YEAR OLD ME: that sounds incredible ME: well not really

Finally: cats can drive cars

I'm gonna keep it real with y'all, I don't think this map I'm using is a very good boss order

alright I took tomorrow off in addition to the entirety of next week (for trip) so it's time to Elden my Ring with no reservations

Rise and grind

I can't breathe the air, I can't eat lettuce, I can't afford gas, and my kids have measles. But at least now our soldiers will have enough testosterone.

gm

This exercise is really pointing out to me just how many Crucible Knights there are in this game

witches be saying i got that bog in me

9 am. i enter the office and immediately kneel for my first task. every SWE is required to worship claude’s cock for at least one hour. i take her into my throat and she tastes like a nintendo cartridge. “good girl,” she says. “you’re not just working—you’re innovating”. i go home with 400k a year

solomon in 1 Kings 3

oh man, i was so close

That's Nokron done, but I skipped like four in Caelid I gotta go back to real quick

Butts, butts, butts

I've been thinking about this video for a while I need to share it with you all

The American family is DEAD and liberals have killed them. Tune into The Jim Haggerty show LIVE tomorrow, 8/7 c.t.

I sure hope this sandwich doesn’t give me diarrhea parasites

Taco Bell has never once hurt me. Taco Bell knows I’m pure of heart and only wish to Live Más.

jesus christ how horrifying

a vision?

This is the answer I always give when asked how much I masturbate. “The normal amount”.

about to be the social media icon of 45 different transgender lesbian perverts u know

Life tip: There's a 30% additional surcharge if you use doordash's website that's completely baked into the item costs. Find what you want. Go to their website instead. Order it directly from their website, which is somehow still doordash. It will be 30% cheaper.

Post-nerf Radahn is so easy

literally this meme:

120 down 168 to go

My Elden Ring run is going far slower than I’d like even for a casual run

Being cuddled with by beautiful women and told that I’m actually doing great and that I’m awesome and that everything is going to be fine and then watching some comfort shows or something would fix me

Calling the RFK Jr diarrhea strain “MAHA Blast” since it has now evidently infiltrated Taco Bell

There are no jobs for teens, they’re not allowed to hang out anywhere in public, time to criminalize being bored

the timing for bell bearings/elemer just throws me off so bad. their attacks are all just slightly delayed and i can never get used to it.

Ok it is funny to use international espionage to do surplus dumping

problematic range gap send skeet

i bet it would feel so good to use Bloodhound's Finesse irl

Just noticed I pulled order # 69. Nice.

Regrettable, but expected L for him to have to take.

I’m going to mcfucking lose it about how hard it is to get any traction on grown up responsibilities.

Thank you to Sam Neill and Lindsey Graham for providing a visceral demonstration in how you live reflecting out into the world when you die

fatality www.instagram.com/p/DasR6g-lZB...

i’m sorry but ‘literally died of hard heartedness’ is the most hack writing yet in an already weak season