Y’all like hickory cookies? Baked it myself

“Sorry Mr President your Nobel peace prize has been destroyed trying to clear customs better luck next year”

The age-old debate

wow.....& the hits keep coming.....tough time to be a decrepit, ghoulish piece of shit....

And how many of these so-called “pussies” do you actually have, Ms. Galore??

Would be cool as hell to die & have nothing but “WITCH” engraved on your headstone

ICE is going to confiscate thousands of jack-o-lanterns this year because it is well-established that many members of antifa carve woke-coded messages into their pumpkins

It's cool as hell now to say bluesky is dying &, importantly, guilt-free b/c this particular "bluesky is dying" campaign is not being led by centrists

There should be five weeks in October at a minimum. No need to rush into the shitty backwash months of the year

Boxes also work on bobcats

I dunno why care providers are so obsessed with appointment confirmations now we already went over this shit by making an appointment in the first place

Seems really heartwarming, right? Wrong. The cat had to cross state lines just to have legal access to birth control & there are hundreds more just like her

🎶 the internationallllllleeee Unites the world in songgg🎶

Kinda surprised there hasn’t been a stronger conservative uproar about traffic roundabouts being “woke”

People always blame the Creature from the Black Lagoon for choosing to live there in the first place but as far as lagoons & creatures go I can’t think of a better place to raise a family

guy who helped lay groundwork for some of the most sweeping erasures of rights & privileges in the past 50 years feels bad about all the yelling as he approaches his 200th birthday

Here is a drawing I did on a piece of cardboard. Sharpie marker, pen and color pencils. Abolish ICE.

You think they ever lock bad actors in the Criterion closet to teach them a lesson? Wonder how many you could cram in there

Thinking about getting into the textiles industry, whatever that is, & making a million bucks!

Sometimes you follow where the posts go & sometimes you have to stand your ground, & bring the people to your posts..

i'm not jumping ship to another social media that hasn't even had a truck chris or corndad incident yet i ain't doing that shit again

Spilled some wine all over my wife's new comforter & now I am making the dreaded "blanket apology"

Aight so which one is the real one & which one is the T-1000 stealing his form

Haha hell yeah it is & that’s what makes it so damn fun

Wonder if we could train service dogs & horses to infiltrate ICE & disrupt it from the inside

More like Mastodon't! It's named after an extinct animal which is a big red flag for me!

me, a dipshit: *claps like a seal for pointless political theater*

I want a high-tech bowtie that can read my emotional state & will pop up & spin fast or slowly based on how excited i am. it could even change colors when i am horny

There is no way in hell Bari Weiss has one principle, let alone ten of them

The biggest dumbass you've ever met in your life:

New reason to dunk on Jeffries just dropped

Wonder if we could train service dogs & horses to infiltrate ICE & disrupt it from the inside

Gotta do my yearly watch of Romero’s Night trilogy before November’s fucked up ass arrives, don’t let me forget

Guy who’s convinced 9/11 was a coincidence & all the plane crashes were accidental

The next posting place will star me in the leading role with a beautiful animal actor starring opposite. You all will have supporting roles b/c you will be the backbone of the whole operation

Trying to use the shitposting app during modgate like

Bluesky coded Star Trek 😏🖖

If we can't make stuff free for everyone they could at least make it free for me. where's the harm in one guy getting everything for nothing??

gee, if only we had passed laws before to prevent this kind of thing happening

Calling a moving company to come move all my posts & saved preferences over to a newer, better more upscale posting site

Well I can tell you this much… *casually begins loading rounds into revolver chamber* They’ll never make me move to Threads. Or worse *sound of hammer being pulled back* Mastodon

So is political extremism just the politics version of rating everything either 1 or 10 on IMDb

People who say slavery was ages ago are the same people who begin shaking w/ terror describing how Romans persecuted their Christian ancestors 2000 years ago

Did you all know Jesus wasn’t always white? That’s right, before he became a vampire he actually had an olive complexion

I think I am toast in chemistry without some intense tutoring. Unfortunately the campus tutors have ghosted me on two separate appointments & have also not been terribly helpful when they did show up.

The NFL should do something cool for once like have a Halloween game played on a haunted burial ground or some shit

That she's cool as fuck?

Just finished this. Pleasantly surprised esp. since I watched it on a whim. Somewhat unbalanced as far as the humor & drama go but still a fun time!

A dating app for math lovers called Matchematics