Big news! The groundhog is back at my sister's and she gave him a plum

The GOP is gonna have real buyer’s remorse when they realize getting rid of schools will also get rid of school shootings

Do they make a 2D Rubik’s cube? The 3D one has way too many Rubikses or whatever you call them. I don’t need that many

CT scan was negative & she's being discharged! On my way to pick her up

I rank Star Trek ahead of Star Wars. Is that not a comprehensive enough ranking list??

God gave our butts cracks to let the light in

No!!! Always lead w/ "they're terrorists." The oil is a happy coincidence!!! The oil is secondary!!!

My moms been in the ER since 10 am & still has not had a CT scan done lol

I hate how cynical I’ve become. My cousin-in-law gave birth to their first child today & my immediate response was “great, they’ll end up turning that kid into another Nazi.” As an added bonus today my mom is in the ER again with gastrointestinal issues

They call them "holy cows" because they sing Amazing Graze

Whores don’t get a second chance, Charlie Brown

Don’t know why this is doing numbers but at least something is tonight

RIP Udo Kier (1944-2025), a German character actor with a prolific and eclectic career (My Own Private Idaho, Blade, Ace Ventura, Dancer in the Dark, Grindhouse, Suspiria, Dogville...) In sci-fi: Johnny Mnemonic, Melancholia, Armageddon, Dracula 3000, Metropia, Iron Sky, Downsizing, Seaquest DSV...

I was one of the gifted ppl who just had a natural knack for getting into drugs. Not once did I have to give in to peer pressure or fads

Gonna make a new protein shake specifically for Samurai called Whey of the Warrior

Living in a one-horse town can be great as long as the horse is yours

Someone help me reduce my sadness

Not only was Jesus black, but Santa has been black from the start as well

i'm dreaming of... a WOKE Christmas 😈😈

Local news guy: “so you’re 103 today which wow that’s old what’s your secret??” Me, staring blankly: “well I always bought the Monster variety pack, I reckon, is the reason. Seeing as a varied diet is linked to longevity & all. Yep I guess that’s about the long & short of it.”

Haha what if Trump had gay sex?? But that’s not all..what if it was gay sex…with Vladimir Putin?? Personally, I’d lose my shit !🤣🤣

Wow you mean even after meeting the leader of a fascist movement he *still* thinks he’s a leader of a fascist movement???

I’m not gonna bother with the Pope mic meme now b/c it’s been done to hell but for the record, I would have used Cherry-coloured Funk by Cocteau Twins

Measuring my age by how many emo & shoegaze revivals I've lived through & realizing I am not long for this world

gonna rip off my fave. moots & make a music thread since posting individual songs never gets any engagement even tho I KNOW YALL LIKE A LOT OF MUSIC I LIKE

cats up for caturday

Strong “elementary school picture day” vibes but never the less it is Caturday & we must celebrate

The idea that a Zootopia could be established (let alone a Zootopia 2) without being toppled by a CIA coup, is probably the most absurd Hollywood fantasy of all

Covertly telegraphing our intentions to the entire world

Are McMansions edible

I wish there was a better way to tell my conservative family members that they are morons

New Oneohtrix Point Never is good. I know you're all wondering, though, does it have the beeps? The answer is yes. But Chili, you may be asking, what about the boops? The answer, again, is yes.

Good article. There really is not enough pushback on this kind of stuff. There are so many putatively “good faith” libs & even progressives who still frame these stories as tragic for the mother & remove all agency from the autistic child who is just some broken vessel for their parents dreams

Visiting my dad, just had two separate nurses ask me if I was his grandson lmao. Enjoying looking 25 while it lasts

Always wondered what barking up the right tree would look like

I’ve got an 82 in calculus w/ two exams remaining & I am convinced I am gonna fail the class

*sputtering* th-throw my cherished tshirt out?? Have you lost your mind?? It’s “gently worn” at worst!

Playing the devil’s tritone on my satanic conch down at the beach to corrupt the local youth

Without downloading new pics what is it like dating you

62 years since JFK died & I still have no idea why I shot him

I haven’t read much about Ryan Lizza or Olivia Nuzzi. I’m still trying to figure out if his name rhymes with pizza & if hers rhymes with jacuzzi & that’s enough investigative work for me as far as they are concerned

Cutting my kratom w/ plutonium & calling it a “kratomic bomb”

You’re telling me there are people out there who just plain love themselves? With no strings attached?? I’m speechless

Hard to think of a better way to gain an early advantage in a fight than biting your opponent’s ear off

I wonder what General Tso’s Chicken tasted like before he got promoted to General

Buddy comedies set in prisons are a problematic fave for me as a prison abolitionist but I can’t help it when the hijinks are so good

One of the many horrors going on in the background right now. Such an outrageous reversal & it still amazes me how little Roe v Wade’s overturning & its ramifications are brought up in media & by legislators. This is sick shit

this rules