People who back in to parking spaces are just showing off

Yay our song sparrows are back 😌

I hope Graham Platner is doing an Andy Kaufman bit b/c the alternative is too depressing

She wavin’

[Average true crime series episode] Guy: ‘look man I dunno the gun just went off & my wife died. Surprised me too.’ Cop: ‘damn, he’s got us.’ Cop 2: ‘his story’s airtight all right. Well, thank you for your time, sir.’ *30 years later* Cop 3: ‘I don’t think it was an accident…’

Was Khamenei a kaiju or something why do we need two times the bombs to take out a series of guys

As long as our boys are out there having fun, does it really matter if we win or lose the war?

I’m gonna pee & go to bed. Night y’all

[Average true crime series episode] Guy: ‘look man I dunno the gun just went off & my wife died. Surprised me too.’ Cop: ‘damn, he’s got us.’ Cop 2: ‘his story’s airtight all right. Well, thank you for your time, sir.’ *30 years later* Cop 3: ‘I don’t think it was an accident…’

I completed several things today & did some stuff that needed doing & somehow i feel really accomplished

BREAKING: Iran has struck the Bass Prop Shops pyramid

Why does the CIA seem to be arming everyone except me 😒

Hm, death toll getting bigger with more fighting… Is this common in wars?

Fucking fish. I knew those assholes were somehow involved in all this

I do not like me

lmao holy shit

More like CIAin't if you ask me!

"Ffffffff" represents the noise of a fart in written form, or at least that is what the best writing workshops will tell you

I think my cats might actually have worse aim than the kid who tried to shoot Trump. There is so much litterbox for them to shit in & they always manage to find the floor instead

Clearly he is jealous of their mighty Armada

Yo, where is Spring at

Everyday foods, such as Chuck Norris At 84, simply cease to please my immaculately refined palate

Good morning, online members, & good mourning to our doves who have returned for the spring 😌

Pete Hegseth is gonna get waitlisted when he tries to gain admission to heaven & after 2,000 years it will finally dawn on him that god was letting him down gently about being in purgatory

*doffs hat* M’ssiah

I’m such a sucker for this shit. There were so many ‘50s sci-fi spoofs from this era & I love them all

Remember when Trump pushed all those jets off of an aircraft carrier into the sea

Did they ever catch the guy who stole my three F-15 fighter jets

Wanna feel old? The last survivor of the 30 Years War died 300 years ago

Joe Biden starring in a remake of Soul Man with the tag line “oh, we are SO black”

I want one of them houses what got 8 sides to ‘em

It's a mantra in our household.

I am finally using reddit for its true purpose: seeking out downvoted comments in a random thread so that i can join a downvote pile-on

There are so many ways you can piss people off, but finding the one way that's right for you can take a lifetime of work

i've gotten really good at crapping out lab reports & it's kinda fun. I feel like an IRL scientist which makes sense considering i am going to school to be come an IRL scientist

I need to rewatch Futurama

"with its patented design, the boy kibble drains directly into my mouth!"

Tony Soprano ate boy kibble well into adulthood. That's how he kept a stranglehold on the organized crime world & also how he balanced the budget at home.

When Trump said "War... war never changes" he became president

Does this mean his nussy is in a heightened state of arousal

Congress knows & doesn’t care. Just as Trump, Netanyahu & the defense sector knew & didn’t care. Iran, & to a lesser extent the entire Middle East, are treated as axiomatically evil & enemies of the western way.

I woke up in a confused state of anger so now I’m logged on to see if it’ll help jog my memory

Is this what they mean by life imitates art

The best way to a nation’s heart is to kill a guy or series of guys

Trump is on a fool’s errand to recapture the feeling of transcendental euphoria he felt from his first kill, Jeffrey Epstein

Mr President, your waxen carapace appears to be melting under the camera light. You need refrigeration immediately

There are five people on here who like me & I refuse to be one of them

AH

God, I don’t feel like writing this fucking pre-lab