This guy I know keeps muttering to himself "passing away..." I ask him what he said or what he means but he just says "huh? huh? what?" really defensively and aggressively, and then he says "passing away" to himself over and over again. I asked him if I could get a ride home, but he just says "passi

I'm thinking of beautiful things and smiling

don’t tell me to “fill my boots”. with what, shit? from my ass? I’ll kill you for saying this

Wall Street traders jumping from buildings because they put a Cheeto in the White House

I told my grandfather, a World War 2 veteran, that they put a Cheeto in the dang white house. He wept, and tragically passed away instantaneously

Introducing iTudge

No! He flaked! Now I worried about genocide and a nuclear holocaust for Nothing!

Everything Is Normal And Ordinary Again!

the vibes may be fucked today but you can still take two photos of the same bird with different lenses. nobody is stopping you

We've all been doomscrolling all day but Trump has been posting an insane amount of posts using the same ChatGPT prompt this whole time

I love the lectures and the readings, professor, but the lab sucks!

Don’t everyone post all at once, I can only copy and paste them all to the big excel spreadsheet that powers bluesky so fast

you should be doing everying in your power to be nude right now

look what I just saw

Gotta say that attending an online class later is going to be slightly more difficult than usual today

I miss before 8:06AM when my For You feed was just shitposts

like if you believe humanity's better angels etc win out rt if you think we are wretched beasts destined to wallow forever in our own shortcomings ignore to go to hell

Bring Your Bass Clarinet To Work Day

i don’t think u guys heard me the first time

my four girlfriends. and yes, they smoke weed.

The wrong thing to do would be to blame someone for posting something on their own account. The right thing to do is blame some nameless, comparatively much more insignificant, unidentifiable foe for posting it

Happy Easter everyone! Don't forget about the Easter Bilby!

Yesterday I was going to post "Trump experiences clinical death and once revived claims to have spoken to Allah" but decided not to because it would have been stupid and unfunny and here we are

Jesus dies today ☹️

It must feel so good to be resurrected

Birthday soot

Putting apartment complexes on the commune

made the mistake of giving jezebel a little tiny piece of egg white the other day and now this is the look i get any time i eat an egg

I'll show you... one day, you'll ALL see the off-road capabilities of my vehicle...

Guy who smells of something most fowl

Might get into speaking with others. Thinking about getting into communication with my peers

It's always wise to have a good, reliable daily grave before digging a separate project grave

Introducing Bro

When a bird hops around in front of you, makes me want to shout “yes bro, you are beautiful and amazing.”

The name's Intrepid Ooze

I'm deploying 5,000 bimbos with kind hearts and caring souls on United States soil

Imagining a beautiful person in my head and then imagining they suddenly get squished by an anvil and I'm getting really pissed off

Does anyone know any good meals for beginners

I can't afford to be April Fooled today. Never again

Remember to hose down your passing neighbors today

Attn All Lovers Of Doggos, Pupperinos & Furbabies—We Are Collecting Your Pets To Send Them To Beautiful Israel Where Theyll Become Champions

Beer + women = #awesometime

Look at this shadow

I've developed the habit of calling every mistake I make a "flub." "I totally flubbed that," I will say to myself, disregarding how buffoonish I have become

Reluctantly decided to play the Battlefield 6 campaign and the very first in-game shot is an asset with Comic Sans on it

Putting a "I bought this before she went crazy!" sticker on a Hufflepuff onesie

I'm trying to cultivate a Hello vibe

Is it good to dream about Iran every night