With regard to cannibalism, it seems to me that good looking people would taste better than ugly people

nasty gary

"It's a rom-com version of 'The Purge,' Liz, where premarital sex is outlawed except for one night every year."

the only person who should legally be allowed to name their podcast 'club random' is her

Lmao

Blanche Aynus United States, Census, 1950

i’ve waited 31 years to experience the type of thrill straight men feel during the nfl draft

Friendly reminder that the biggest ‘scandal’ of the Obama administration is when he fucked the green m&m

if it smells like shit you must acquit

michael richards and jerry seinfeld on-set during the classic junior mint episode

lmao cutting ties with papa john was like the one unequivocally good thing university leadership did under bendapudi's tenure

Slimes - Junko Habu https://macthemes.garden/themes/4f8c1b6d5dcc-Slimes

I got a card in the mail where the envelope had been filled out by hand and I didn't recognize the writing or the zip code and I got the same kind of dread I get when I receive a phone call instead of a text so I put it under my bedside table for 72 hours while I worked up the nerve to open it

top 10 ways to answer the telephone

people still say howdy but they don't say howdy-do anymore

Bringing a knife to the gunfight because I'll be doing catering

When someone spatchcocks a chicken they put it in such a cunty pose

find a pepper pick it up, all day long you'll have good luck

[looking at the blood on my hands] this would be a potent visual metaphor in some other context

if I was in charge id make the pictures go diagonal to distinguish us from the other apps

you guys like debris

You look like you came from your mother’s backwombs

thank you, my dear

A cashier at CVS just asked me if I’m a professional wrestler

if you had to eat paper which kind do you think would taste the most delicious

aunt fritzi the og tan mom

tasteful tip tuesday

Lena Dunham’s plans are measured in centuries, or in this case, about how 9 years

Maybe we'll keep some InfoWars content up.

you guys love love

I will earn the respect and admiration of the canada geese at franklin park or get my eyes pecked down to the socket trying

If ananakin Skywalker didn't smoke weef he wouldn't have been turn into naughty Yoda

A breaking update from @timheidecker.bsky.social.

mrs naugatuck on maude has my heart

technically yeah I was hoisted but it wasn't my petard i was borrowing it from a friend

purchased a clearly canadian from kroger for the first time since 1998 to support our boys up north

they invented broccolini in the 90s. it's been 30 years guys I think we can go smaller

my children are uglymogging me

when the berries are ever so sweet >>>>

unabashed queen

'single quotes' are for the bad boys

when i type 'my deah' do you read it in a boston accent?

its okay dear

Me: Okay we’ve gathered everything we need to finally defeat the demon king that has ravaged our lands. Anything we missed? My gay little eunuch that’s really into herpetology: what about the fierce as fuck lizard Me: shittttttt I forgot about the fierce as fuck lizard

me politely explaining why I must decline when someone offers me a handful of colorful aquarium gravel:

john lenon favorite meal poop sandwich

elegant dick >>>>