Millennials are stronger than gen X because we drink from the dehumidifier

My tweets are for people who drink from the dehumidifier

I absolutely adore this DM i just got

This is me ... and that's you ... girl 😭😭

perhaps if we all shut off our lights and remain perfectly still she'll get bored and leave

Henry Shitboy South Africa, Cape, Cemetery Records, 1872-2011

these gums bleed red white and blue

what is the secret to a radiant lifestyle

I told the devil about the number 777 and i stg he made this exact face then he told me to get out elaine benes-style

Ken Burns hair—lock him up

I'm opening up a theme restaurant called Frankenstein's. All the waiters will be Frankensteins. And before you say it—yes I know, Frankenstein is the doctor. All the monsters will be working back of house to avoid upsetting the customers

in my version gregor samsa woke up and he was two bugs

when dame sylvia calls me darling, i know that everything is definitely going to turn out fine

I've come up with a concept whereby i can look at a glass of water and determine whether it's half full or half empty. doesn't work for other liquids yet

let's get one thing straight: im an entrepreneur first, a husband and father second

I just don't care about remembering things

They say 20 minutes of moderate exercise a day can extend your life by up to 10 years, but I'm going to do it anyway

Postal workers should wear capes

This could be us

[ripping the cigarette out of your mouth & emphatically holding it up to your face, disgusted] do you even know how many seed oils is in these things??

The president is a cinephile! Release the Ebert files!

This is how we used to have to get our misinformation before the internet.

this is what ive watched since last friday

CARTOON/ESCARGO3.GIF

I better see Mario's big fat dumper tomorrow

DO YOU BELIEVE IN PRISÃO AFTER GOLPE

When I was a kid I saw one of the scrawnies (scrawny neighbours across the road) picked up by a giant bird and carried away. To this day no one believes me. What happened to the scrawny then I ask you

thinking about pwappfoo

First of all how would you even fit a bitch in your ear

the legend of zelda windwaker but everytime link swings on a lantern from the ceiling chandelier by sia plays

I just had a plum with 2 stickers on it if you can believe it

Once again thinking about Macaulay Culkin walking into the Parisian café where the wifi password was “Macaulay Culkin” and the owner saying “I knew you’d come here someday”

who's ready for a superbowl commerical from openai that sucks so bad it causes a recession

IN THIS HOUSE various shit happens

what type of things do you guys like to say

Before glory holes were invented people had to just fuck the wall

remember how there was a person called McG

everyone's talking about Cool S autumn

i cant tell you how badly ive wanted to post this 😭

bet your ass thought you'd never see such a thing

are we allowed to post the good gifs now

"She has an appointment with the proctologist for an . . . " Anna L. Winklespecht New Jersey, Deaths and Burials, 1720-1988

a good ad idea for noise cancelling headphones would be ned flanders wearing them and saying it feels like im hearing nothing at all

an autographed photo of comedian paul sheer at an estate sale awww

when david handed walter the bone flute in alien covenant and said "you blow, i'll do the fingering" that resonated with me

Fred flintstone died living that zabba dabba doo lifestyle