She Hoggin' my DAWs until I ice this beat.

I know one day this non-alcoholic sparkling fruit juice is gonna kill me.

this website is only funny if you are on it for more than 6 hours a day

You idiots just keep coming up with holidays, huh?

Guy who hates birdsong:

I don't think ignorance is bliss. You can easily tell this because all around you people are ignorant to the source, magnitude, and nature of their suffering.

I don't feel so good.

I really wish that vampire the absolute worst.

Selling adderall to afford health insurance to get more adderall

How the hell are we already at Blender 5.0. I feel like I blinked.

markers are so fun!!!

How's it going today, confidently ignorant or ignorantly confident?

Guy who reads Steal This Book for the yogurt recipe.

I fucking hate music.

The thing that I love most about this Private Use Area is that it's supplementary.

If there's anything they say about Sloane Veronica, it's that she can never commit to a bit.

Every day I hold myself back from posting thousands—perhaps even millions—of slurs. But does anyone ever thank me for it? No. That's how I know none of you are really woke.

If I could go back and do it all over again, I wouldn't. That seems a waste of time, I already did all of it.

Seductively tying a cherry stem into a knot with my fingers.

Remember anticonsumerism?

The moral of the scorpion and the frog is that if you’re going to sting somebody do it as soon as you meet them

The second someone says, "It's not hard to not be a bad person," it immediately and completely obliterates any trust I may have had in them.

it’s time we embrace a broader approach to free expression and forgiveness

Ariana Grande is so good in Wicked 2. It’s a shame what she did to all those dead bodies across eastern Washington and Idaho from 1992-1994

walking my fish

Zoomers talk about Millennials the way first graders talk about fifth graders.

Just broke a nail. Hope you scum are fucking happy.

I'm always confusing Crab Man and D.B. Cooper.

Futurists were wrong. It's still the present..

That there is no horseshoe emoji... A grave error I shan't forgive.

"Grunge" isn't real. None of you have been to Seattle.

Guy who buys used panties because he believes in a thoroughly tested product.

The US Treasury has discontinued the panty vending machine.

If Horse doesn't get nominated for the Drinkies this year, you already know why.

If you want her to drink, maybe you should try leading a horse to a refreshing Coca-Cola instead.

Guy who was really against Fortnite until they put the iconic Vans® "Off The Wall" Skate Shoe in it.

Heh. To a messed up, edgy gal like me, this tour isn't even that warped.

Lead a horse to water, piss for a day. Teach a horse to carry water, piss for a lifetime.

Robin symbolism. What is the meaning of a Robin? A Robin is a bird with a red breast. Victoria Secret holiday collection 2019. Red is symbolic for making you hungry. Robins eat worms. Limited time only Whiskey River Mudd Pie Copycat Recipe. Where do worms come from? Did worms sin?

On all levels except physical, I'm fucking your mom.

yume 2kki (2007) whispering palace (inner entrance)

It's always "These fucking kids watching their phones without earbuds" and never "Get earplugs, Unc." Really makes you think about society.

Don’t expose women to smile you’re on camera signs

We should crucify Rat Fink. We should blood eagle Rat Fink. Rat Fink screaming in the brazen bull.

Punk is about having a hideously ugly haircut and absolutely nothing else. Anyone who tells you otherwise is trying to sell you consumer goods.

You can lead a horse to boiling water, but you can't watch her drink.

A watched duck can never build a bridge over boiling waters.

If you're still unmarried at 35 it should be illegal to seek liability damages on your behalf.

Guy who sneaks off to the bathroom with a seed catalogue to jack off.

You couldn't even lead a horse to water.