Creature of the night

I took a PS5 back in time and made Leonardo da Vinci play Elden Ring to answer the “are video games art” question once and for all but he got so scared of the opening cinematic he invented a new kind of Catholicism

So many people in my life are heavily invested in me emerging from this cocoon as something beautiful and there’s not a lot of light in here but based on the smells there’s no way that’s what’s happening

Gargoyle mode engaged

If you’re happy and you know it I will eat you

the ultimate price ✨

This is Festus the cat. You and he have just agreed to be business partners. He's asking you to shake on it.

When I was a young boy my father took me into the city to see a martian band

told you guys www.newsweek.com/jordan-peter...

Getting my 12 ft. skeleton bone-lengthening surgery for Christmas

Eating ants to fit in

Does the carpet match the firmament

Me (a paleontologist; losing an argument online): Go fossil yourself

If you like small cats, oh boy do I have a video for you www.youtube.com/watch?v=8QI5...

puter man

Just in case anyone wants a better look (it makes a killer phone wallpaper) this is the art done by the fantastic @jeezdadthanks.bsky.social

I should be exempt from laws and regulations.

Some days i just want to climb into my wife’s pouch and be like a joey

When I die I’m going to haunt one of you as an email notification sound

Haven’t been hunted in the night for a while

Haven’t been hunted in the night for a while

Don’t look a firehose in the mouth

My neighbors yard is so sick

This is what I imagine most of you do while posting

they should make a cell phone that can't accept calls

Get in everyone

omg watch out

No not at all. Steve is a dead end.

I met a blind albino cave crawfish today.

Joro spider rainbow 🕷️

Technology peaked with guinea pig bridge. Transporting guinea pigs from point a to point b is all one really needs.

🤔

The gender neutral urge to honk shoo

When I watch a documentary on birds she starts thinking they’re gonna fly in through the roof

*Comes over and does this to you* 🐸

Got my tax return back and decided to let my giant oafish son free to amble around the township this weekend. I can pay for a few damages and he deserves to have some fun

Better feed it before the screeching begins

We taught our raccoons sign language and the first thing they said was "The trouble is, you think you have time.”

People will get upset with you for stabbing them with an epipen but they can’t really do anything about it if you say you thought they had allergies