World Cup FOX commentators during this rain delay: “When it rains the ball is wet. So are the players. “The field,also wet.” “The matches without rain didn’t have rain.” “I knew it was going to be very wet if it rained.” “The players have other shirts,so they can change out of their wet ones.”

Coffins used to be plain pine boxes that anyone could afford. Once big vampire got involved they all turned into super expensive luxury affairs

the forest is molded by fungus

Check out this sword stuck in a stone!!

Not with that attitude!

Oh my fucking god A black hole is going to open up in the hallway or something I just know it

They’re being called the Rainn Wilson of basketball

Shhh! Dont look at them! Their vision is based on vision. If we can’t see them they won’t see us.

my son just put two tortillas together with nothing between them and said "i got a sandwich!" which means he's beginning to understand the concept of sandwiches and ready to start arguing online about whether that counts as one or not

Advertise your Bluesky account with a Simpsons gif

Wait exactly how many deus ex games are there and why do they all have the same picture

Little big birthday sale is live! 10% off of 430 different designs through the 22nd (plus the 23rd as a little bonus!) standplaatskrakow.etsy.com

Recipe: “Chop the onions before adding them to the blender…” Me: No. That is the blender’s job.

Milwaukee Removes Fonzie Statue Amid Reckoning With Greaser Past https://theonion.com/milwaukee-removes-fonzie-statue-amid-reckoning-with-greaser-past/

THIS is what we do to Teletubbies who snitch

I just saw a Cybertruck with a "Baby on Board" sticker and thought that was surprisingly self-aware of the driver.

Caught a cat about to leap onto a counter and without thinking I said, “Don’t do it. You have a Black auntie now.” He paused and looked at me and then decided not to do it. This proves that cats either understand a lot more than we give them credit for or they respect a good bit.

Found out today the mini fridge in my room only gets down to about 41f. This is going to seriously affect my milk and raw poultry storage

Morning Kittens #Caturday

Don’t click through to the thread, just bask in context free wisdom

Seek protection on holy ground (Dairy Queen)

👉🏻👈🏻

this guy is crazy if he thinks a bunch of money and fancy tech will ever get Speed Racer to turn his back on family

As we approached the airport the pilot started banking. A ridiculous time for a career change, I felt.

It took 2 years because white Texans killed the first courier at the state line

The most affirming thing that’s ever happened to me was about 6 months into transition I went to rent a storage unit and the old man at the desk says “I’m sorry, you can’t use your husband’s ID for this.”

WTF did I just watch 🤯

Ernest Goes to Camp Sherman Krader (the meanie with the deer rifle) played by John Vernon

I miss when pocket potions was the most complicated game in the App Store

I wonder if they dunk the bsky servers in a swimming pool when they get hot and that’s what causes the glitches

I don’t let drugs control my life, I only take them recreationally

How I felt waking up today

Nothing like some good ol’ pig suet conditioner

I can’t even keep my phone charged above 40% and they think I’d go to a whole ass different continent unsupervised?

Warren Buffet might want to invest in better market analysis because I can assure you a trip to Thailand is not in the cards for this little shut in.

My girlfriend and I decided we don’t want to have children. We will be telling them tonight.

that lady sucks at making cheetos

I had 6 slices of sammich ham, some crackers & cheese, and most of a package of frozen garlic bread (mostly thawed) for supper and I’d do it again

Are you telling me a gar licked this bread

Still an hour to go! PP in bio!

Kinda disappointed nobody had a bunch of drones paint a knicks jersey on the Statue of Liberty

GAPER?!?!?!?!?!!?!?!??!!!

🏳️‍🌈❔

some sweat pants that say “2 cute 2 poot” on the butt would fix me

Petition to change the TB unit name from terabyte to trilobyte

In Orange is the New Black Piscatella hated women so much because of what Pam did to his truck back when he worked in the warehouse at Dunder Mifflin

you're telling me a society of hippos made this oath

Steam, this is the most hateful email you've ever sent me. You can't tell me EVERYTHING from my wishlist is on sale right now... ...when all you're talking about is the game "EVERYTHING" and nothing else.

Hey is Mile’s Famous Fish & Chips actually famous or are they pranking me? #aberdeen