“Throw a shrimp on the barbie mate” - haha yes very good but we don’t actually call them shrimp. We call them chazzwazzers.

A great weekend to share Jeff Bridges making a perfect joke

*Satan shuffles papers* “Well fuck, I don’t even have a form for this one.”

Watching Psycho because i heard there's a famous "shower scene" with the very beautiful Janet Leigh

My 2yo just informed me that her favorite food is gummy bears wrapped in salami. Then she held eye contact while wrapping a gummy bear in salami and eating it.

When you decide which 1/10 of your forces to execute as punishment by rolling a 10-sided die it is called dicemation

We’ve tried showing both halves of Jared Leto’s face and we’re all out of ideas

YA or "young adult" books is a misleading way to describe most novels in the genre. Many of them have been published within the last year, making them baby books, if anything

somebody call adult rock and tell him to come get his dumbass kid.

Am i alone in pronouncing the anti in antifa like the anti in antidote? I just can’t bring myself to say anteefa

Making rich people pay taxes is the antichrist 🤦🏻‍♀️ The anti-antichrist famously once said “render unto Caesar that which is Caesar’s…”

Several of these extra innings could have been emails

Clippy was too good for this world.

not coming out until your 30s really sucks, bc you miss out on those quintessential 20s girl experiences like dating a really sweet guy who deals with the world wearing him down by getting ever more chromed up until he goes cyberpsycho and gets flatlined while saving you from a megacorp

it's not FOR us

Whoever came up with “idle hands are the devil’s workshop” was talking about how badly they needed to stim.

I think my problem is someone unplugged me while i was updating

TIL if your quarterback gets injured in the NFL they will put him down there and then rather than letting him suffer

We are the sons of the dragulas you couldn't slam in the back of

Friendly reminder that the Sauk tribe (Blackhawks*) lived in Wisconsin, Illinois, & Iowa long before us. “The only Blackhawks allowed in Chicago are hockey players” may sound clever to you but it’s an incredibly racist & hateful thing to say.

He did not receive the peace prize. Guess the U.S. is at war with Norway now 😔

Venezuelan democracy activist María Corina Machado wins Nobel Peace Prize

Peace Prize announcement in 9 hours

Well that was allegedly the most absurd thing I’ve ever seen

Slowly coming to the realization that my fiancé has never seen any movie ever

You will never convince me the entire population of this bird isn't a bunch of mean drunks in Dark Crystal castoffs who lost a bet.

#animal #video

what if this is how antifa's wife found out antifa has a girlfriend

Guy who never makes it more than halfway up a mountain “This is not peak climbing”

"stolen from twitter" some of yuo are nto very good thieves tbqh

Kojima character named Good Wifeman

Shoppers must recognize screwdriver’s contribution to assembly of flatpack furniture

do cisgender women know the terror that they strike in people's hearts when they say 'we need to talk'

Papa Roach also an acceptable answer.

CUT TIMELINE INTO PIECES

THIS IS MY LAST REPOST

FREE THE GIRLFRIEND OF ONE OF THE FOUNDERS OF ANTIFA

My Norwegian fiancé has opinions on this image I made to prove a silly point. That -aise means “with a raw egg” and that the complete word is the main ingredient of the sauce plus -aise Eg… mayonnaise = mayo + a raw egg Hollandaise = Dutchmen + a raw egg Bearnaise = Bears + a raw egg

That’s the most orange cat thing that could happen.

Just received an emergency alert from the Polish state not to go into the woods and touch any capsules because they’re rabies vaccines for foxes. Well that’s my plans for the next week ruined.

The straights are not okay

honestly, i deserved to be murdered for this ☠️

For no good reason, I am reminded of: “A classics professor goes to a tailor to get his trousers mended. The tailor asks: “Euripides?” The professor replies: “Yes. Eumenides?”

Hey u want to see my octopodes?

Apocalyptipodes

Octopodes nuts

Ordet "hamburger" er en betegnelse på en person fra Hamburg. Følgelig er det kun menneskekjøtt som burde tillates i en hamburger.

Rly glad they never feminized doctor into doctess Harvard Med. sorority acapella group The Doctettes