SOMETHING BEAUTIFUL IS GOING TO HAPPEN

RIP jimmy carver

announcing my redundancy on mumsnet just to feel something

Streaming in 2010: You can watch an entire catalog of amazing movies and TV shows for a reasonable monthly fee Streaming in 2025: our library is Batman movies and 28 seasons of a Tim Allen sitcom, it costs $159/month. We just destroyed the last piece of evidence that Mister Rogers ever existed

people telling you that “you’re mature for your age” hits different when you’re 25

hello, FBI? yeah, so, you guys sent a couple out to investigate how my son got all sucked up into a flying saucer but they just interviewed me for like five minutes and immediately left to get into unrelated hijinks across town. I was wondering if someone was going to reach back out about the aliens

Evil cult nye party... its the raven queen

Dear Santa, You didn’t get me the thesaurus I asked for and now I’m mad. You made me really mad. I’m mad at you

Santa punched a hole in my wall because I left him soy milk

my wife [welling up]: oh my god i love it, it’s exactly what i always wante- me: don’t forget to put the paper in the trash bag

god damnit I found myself living in a shotgun shack

Did you know that for 80% of his scenes in Die Hard (1988), Bruce Willis was under the effects of the Goblin Curse?

one great thing about Die Hard is you can watch it on christmas eve every year and just enjoy yourself without annoying everyone by going Hotdog Is A Sandwich mode about it

the kerning on “EBENEZER SCROOGE” is insane. that shit looks so good on a tombstone

People who prefer Grease 2 to Grease are like people who prefer cats to dogs; we have a parasite in our blood which makes us insane. Our parasite is called “Cool Rider”.

HE SEES YOU WHEN YOU'RE SLEEPING HE KNOWS WHEN YOU'RE AWAKE HE KNOWS IF YOU'VE BEEN BAD OR GOOD SO KEEP IT SECRET, KEEP IT SAFE

when a police man says hes going to give you a hot meal that means hell shoot you. the hot meal is a bullet. they call it Police mans dinner

this is funny as-is but imo way funnier when you see his lawyer

Yeah I develop for front and backend

clothes shopping and telling my friend she looks like a mob wife in everything she tries on

I’ve had enough of woke ugly men in our games, so I’ve improved Geralt

aer lingus lost my bag but the jokes on them because my christmas presents were mid and i was looking for an excuse to update my style anyways

"unexplained flying lights in minnesota," "mysterious drones over new jersey," "pilots report ufo in oregon" it's santa dumbass

Beloved murderer canceled after old tweets surface

My favorite part of robbing a bank is yelling “don't be a hero!” at some asshole who’s trying to be a Big Man. Telling off that guy is almost as good as the money, smug superiority goes surprisingly well with ill-begotten riches.

Statler and Waldorf criticise muppets because they don’t have what it takes to be muppets themselves

step into my shoes

HASTINGS: I say, Poirot, this vial’s labeled “hyaluronic acid”! Is it a poison? SKINCARE HERCULE POIROT: Non, mon ami. This acid, it replenishes the skin’s barrier naturale HASTINGS: So this is a gal who takes care of her skin. SKINCARE HERCULE POIROT: *irritated* The gentleman may use it as well

optimist: the glass is half full pessimist: the glass is half empty game industry executive: I noticed another company doing a mug so we'll be pivoting from a glass to make ours a mug, a mug isn't that different from a glass just add a handle, gotta still have it released by Christmas of this year

Ahoy!! For fans of cute little folk songs about love, nature, and good old-fashioned fiddlin', my new single just dropped! It's about a (possibly) queer marine biologist, Rachel Carson and her beloved. #indie #folk #musiciansky open.spotify.com/track/4r9ech...

mostly procedural watercolour post-processing effect in UE 5.3

me to someone who just woke up from a 5 month coma: so brat summer isn't going greattt

me: OH MY GOD I JUST GOT BIT BY A DOG! maria from the sound of music: ok the first thing you should do is think about mittens

Woo videos! Here's the last animation I worked on - Link and Zelda from Tears of the Kingdom! (web-optimized)

“Bonjour” to all the English people who’ve joined bluesky recently!

Found some Because Internet copies in the @waterstones.bsky.social booth at #WorldCon #glasgowworldcon #glasgow2024 and left them signed, if anyone has been meaning to pick up a copy!

I’m no comic book villain Jack. Did you seriously think I’d tell you my master stroke if there was any chance of Malarkey? I dropped out thirty five seconds ago

liberals voting for kamala in november

I'm glad Dr. Disrespect got banned from Twitch. I once went to see him about a serious medical condition and, worried by his unoptimistic diagnosis, let him know I would be seeking a second opinion. He proceeded to inform me I was ugly as well. I am shocked he maintains his license.

Hey, hey, we've got the votes Give bluesky to the Mountain Goats

Donald Trump may be leading in the polls right now, but I suspect the former reality TV star has some skeletons in his closet that would be VERY embarrassing if they were to become public

i refuse to watch dune 2 or any other movie that happens to feature the harkonnens. the harkonnens' value system is completely at odds with my beliefs. i see many of you have no trouble checking your principles at the door, though. good for you

We finally did an episode talking about @zachweinersmith.bsky.social's children's retelling of Beowulf, Bea Wulf! In which Grendel is a nosy neighbour who comes after the kids in the treehouse and (gasp) makes them Grow Up!

Of all the things I grasp - gently, not too firm, but with deliberate intent - and then slide my hand alllllll the way down its length, I think the most common one is railings

Thinking of becoming a former major in the US Army's military police who roams the United States, taking odd jobs and investigating suspicious and frequently dangerous situations