Niko Roman
@saucecorrode.bsky.social
๐ค 22
๐ฅ 218
๐ 65
๐ humble squire ๐
Q: Why is it "hanged" and not "hung?" A: the dictionary contains many crimes. you will discover this numbers amongst the least of them
about 1 hour ago
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"I'd like to see AI do THIS." The camera pans down to reveal I've been cracking raw eggs directly into my gas tank.
about 12 hours ago
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Niko Roman
frielf
about 14 hours ago
the cacophony of the hostile marimbas has boosted your spirit, granting you + ๐ ๐ซ๐๐ฌ๐ข๐ฌ๐ญ๐๐ง๐๐ ๐ญ๐จ ๐๐๐ฉ๐ซ๐๐ฌ๐ฌ๐ข๐จ๐ง (๐ฎ๐ง๐ญ๐ข๐ฅ ๐ฆ๐จ๐จ๐ง๐ฌ๐๐ญ)๐โข
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Niko Roman
Grobian Syboe
about 17 hours ago
Tom Foolery was the first man to act silly - this was so startling to his contemporaries he was hanged by the neck until dead.
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Enrobe your toad in dough that's cold and roll him to the oven - a crunchy crust's a winter must so give your toad some lovin'
about 17 hours ago
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Feast your eyes, gorge your ears, stuff your cracks,
1 day ago
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Predict the future wrong too many times and the Fates cut you off. They start exclusively sending you visions of a maiden holding a big sign that says "LMAO"
1 day ago
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Niko Roman
frielf
1 day ago
my volatile cousin, Pogrance Fistwilliams
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Come in and take a load off. Been saving my top-shelf posts just for you
1 day ago
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Niko Roman
Ygrene
1 day ago
saw a group of scientists looking at my posts and they were all nodding their heads emphatically
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anything can become a slurry with enough elbow grease
1 day ago
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Grasp your animal and gently squeeze to extract the beneficial drippings. The animal is not harmed by this.
1 day ago
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Niko Roman
d. salas
2 days ago
Director on the set of a dying earth movie: languid! More languid!! Use the whole divan! Youโre not grasping that chalice weirdly enough!!
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Fig-mongers really don't like you asking questions about where they get their figs from. Tell me the location of your secret grove, cowards.
2 days ago
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Lobster souls secrete a kind of "primal essence" that stunlocks angels, rendering them unable to pass judgement for several moments.
2 days ago
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built to trundle, forced to trudge
3 days ago
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"Lads," I say, waving my hands. "Lads, let's think this through." "Enough talk, warlock" rasps a swineherd, jabbing me with his pitchfork. "We hunger for Holy Crystals and I reckon you're lousy with 'em."
3 days ago
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I bring a combative energy to the olive garden that the other patrons don't appreciate
3 days ago
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When the affible old men in your life start chuntering towards the billiard room, it's time to call it a night
3 days ago
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Out here juggling bags of red liquid. Really putting in the work to make my community a place where red liquid can be juggled.
3 days ago
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don't throw away your empty gestures. they can be boiled for stock
4 days ago
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Niko Roman
Valerie Halla
4 days ago
it's called a toasture oving because it oves the food by producing toasture
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i do NOT want to be handled! leave me on the asphalt and let me melt !!
4 days ago
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humanity knows 26 ways to fold a tortilla. if we discover the 27th angels will permanently close shut the way to paradise
4 days ago
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"hot takes?" you bet i got "hot takes." i takes it when its hot cause mama aint making no more
4 days ago
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If a secret cabal of vampires were truly ruling over humanity, people would start popping up with inexplicably flavoured blood. I'm talking "cream soda" or "blue raspberry"
4 days ago
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Pleasures of the flesh? Trite and overdone. Wake me when we're doing pleasures of the bone.
4 days ago
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dipping my fries in borax just to feel something
4 days ago
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Running late to the Big Meeting cause I was tattooing associates behind the water cooler
5 days ago
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Niko Roman
jims
7 days ago
my large adult son has heard tell of the medium adult son movement and become incandescent with jealousy. while i might fear for his sanity, the white-hot glow emitting from his core is the perfect beacon to guide my trade fleet home! they return with a bounty of exotic fruits and spices! hooray!
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Chicken Nugget: apply directly to the forehead
5 days ago
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Niko Roman
Uncle Duke
5 days ago
wife: your life insurance premium paid up? me: yeah wife: good me: why? wife: no reason me: ... wife: ... me: ... wife: here, taste this
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We're sorry to hear you have been cast into the outer darkness. Have you tried weeping and gnashing your teeth?
5 days ago
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what is up, my good chad
5 days ago
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greasing up the lads and letting them loose to scurry about the catacombs
6 days ago
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Niko Roman
roz
6 days ago
i showed you my soft pale underbelly pls respond
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"there is too much slop in my hellhole!" I say, turning up the slop faucet. "i will not stand for it! i will not!!"
6 days ago
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grandmother has perfected the "slow pupusa"
6 days ago
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The eighth deadly sin, jaundice, slept in and missed the big reveal so God had to kind of shoehorn it in later
6 days ago
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They don't tell you this but the tenth dentist has turned their back on enamel and instead sworn service to the Cavideity
7 days ago
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Recipes that call for smooth peanut butter are written by gormless cowards. I'm gonna use crunchy and your supple hands can't stop me
7 days ago
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preparing my patented fungal unguent. my funguent, if you will.
7 days ago
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Niko Roman
wargen
7 days ago
(pounding table) i am a low information voter and i have confusing contradictory needs that must be addressed
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Niko Roman
frielf
7 days ago
when i sit at my desk i phase shift into a hagraven posture with instant productivity boons
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Some of you haven't expressed your glands recently and it shows.
7 days ago
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From the locked stall I can hear my boss furtively slurping his second bowl of cream of wheat.
8 days ago
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Dentists must remain celibate, like priests. In both cases, this is to stop their powers over teeth and teeth byproducts from passing to the uninitiated.
8 days ago
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Niko Roman
Fungocrat
8 days ago
People keep asking me to defend my views. I don't have views. I'm a vessel for the spirit.
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Niko Roman
dirtรฉ
8 days ago
eating the delicious goop that kills you
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The beasts of the forest hate it when I activate my crucible
8 days ago
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