Axe murderer’s neighbors: “He was always so quiet”

babe, can you pass me my goon bucket

big day coming up for people who like dinner

Handing back student work that’s been written by ChatGPT with a 0 followed by the comment “This essay will never stand in authentic wonder before the Beauty of God’s creation.”

I know it's named after a book or whatever, but calling a movie about Hamlet HAMNET has too much Jenna Maroney Jackie Jormp Jomp energy for me

I saw some horrible copy on a Chili's menu tonight: HUNGRY? Get ready not to be

Man Who Thought Fleetwood Mac’s ‘The Chain’ Was Over In For Thrill Of His Fucking Life https://theonion.com/man-who-thought-fleetwood-macs-the-chain-was-over-in-for-thrill-of-his-fucking-life/

Did sunk cost write this

You know how there are some historical reenactment museum areas where you can go and see people dressed old timey churning butter and making horseshoes? There should be one that's a bar and kids can go listen to reenactors complain about their city's sports teams from different decades

I read once that it's the obligation of a citizen of any large enough city to always carry a permanent marker

"I wish it need not have happened in my time," I mutter to myself as I refill the cat's food for the fourth fucking time

if your emperor doesn't pretend to idly conduct their chamber musicians with a poultry drumstick during feasts then theyre washed

Ken Starr once signed an email to Jeff Epstein with "yuletide hugs"

My friend just fuckin showed up with a corncob pipe & that’s when it hit me that we are all in our 40s which means we get one new accessory slot

Those taglines make no goddamn sense!! I'm infuriated

Actually thats average

You Are Witnessing A Great Becoming, Charlie Brown

icon behavior

MAMDANI: And I just think that there are barriers, barricades, to helping Americans that we can break down TRUMP: Uh huh MAMDANI: And breaking down barriers? Reminds me of a certain Broadway show *smiling widely* where they worked together to break a barricade? TRUMP: *sitting bolt upright* Phantom

Have a favor to ask: if you have a few bucks today and can help cover this little one’s vet bills I know my son would very much appreciate it! His name is Scampi(the kitten, not my son) and he’s tiny and fightin for his life. Thank you in advance! gofund.me/c256d99a5

fuck my life into pieces

Is that a promise

[Dick Cheney's final breath] Tell my family I loved...war crimes

any historian able to tell me what stage of democracy it is in when the leader is saying “off with their heads”

thinking about impersonating a police officer (playing on my phone in my car parked by the side of the road)

they like (the idea of) money more than humanity

God how depressing was 2020 baseball

i get it girl... we all feel this way for a couple months right at the beginning,

Every week or so I remember how amazing Javier Bardem is in Lyle Lyle Crocodile. Oscar worthy.

Follow the depravity here bsky.app/profile/thel...

During the first year of COVID, my wife and I started playing Rock Band together. Since then, we have spent $700 on new instruments and own over 1,000 songs. Sometimes, we get too high and play cursed set lists. Until now, I've only shared them with select friends. Now, I share them with you.

Dudes rock

Jesus to his disciples:

[watching the Library of Alexandria burn] this is cancel culture

It needs to be emphasized that this paragraph is about Robert F. Kennedy Jr.

Horrible PR attempt. So easy to photoshop Bubba into these.

astigmatic gang RISE UP

And of course the brilliant Futurama spoof. youtu.be/QMGUWboWmos?...

Umm technically he’s called Netanyahu’s Monster

we are getting Pulitzer winning photos every day as the atrocities mount

Lmao this is so embarrassing, my god

Jerry Seinfeld "Seinlanguage" and the cliff notes version of "Atlas Shrugged"

Re: Epstein’s emails