you have to admit it’s funny that they cared about the Cracker Barrel logo as long if not longer than this

I’m trying to befriend the corvids

being afraid of the subway is so fucking funny. you mean the choo-choo train???

Face down Ass up That’s the way I like my ducks

Synchronized swimming 🦆🦆

getting a free abortion at the woke cracker barrel

I saw a rat on my way to the gym this morning and blurted out, “Ohh! Look! A rat!” in delight 🐀

*crawling through your doggie door* are you mad at me?

Taste the rainbow (meerkats) 🌈

feelin like this rn

How your email finds me

Primal scream 🙀

Go for it. I don't even care any more.

Genuinely trying to figure out what a VIP experience with the Xyzal owl entails

It happened to me: I went into a bathroom with 13 empty stalls*, and someone went into the stall next to me. *literally all of the other stalls were empty

I open Facebook. I see this. I close Facebook.

Trickle Down to Hell, bitch

Oh Lord

Can I direct y’all’s attention to the “disembodied hands and loaf of bread” altar decoration that is inexplicably making my internal organs itchy?

Wake up babe, there's a new book of Genesis

Su-su-sudiOH SHIT

Phil Collins baby jesus a boxer briefs guy, confirmed

Where is that drum break coming from?

Therapist: Phil Collins Baby Jesus isn’t real. Phil Collins Baby Jesus can’t hurt you. Phil Collins Baby Jesus:

It’s cool how I can walk upstairs for a cup of tea and then come back to four new meeting requests, one of which starts in one minute

She demands justice

the enemy of my enemy is not my friend, but I do like it when my enemies have as many other enemies as possible

I found a cool bug

I had all but forgotten about Nikki Minaj’s cousin’s friend’s balls

She’s a (double) rainbow

*on my deathbed, surrounded by loved ones* "I have to go now, the vibes are rancid"

Kids in horror movies are always named Rylan or Ellie and they creep the fuck out of you by drawing a family picture with an extra person and then saying, “That’s Mr. Jiggleshoes. He’s bleeding. He’s my best friend.”

Multiple people probably approved this

cousin reminded about when we took a cab from a bar and the cab driver muttered something about "why are we bringing in all these people from the third world" and apparently I said "I was invited here to replace you" and he didn't speak again the whole trip and why do I have no recollection of this

Saluting with tears streaming down my face

reach out and touch faith

Can I say something without everyone getting mad?

Loafing

My guess is Jefferson probably wouldn’t have resigned.

Helped a friend move house this morning

Is this supposed to fill me with sadness?

Jim Ryan should have resigned in May 2024. He should not have resigned today.

I want these but for my enemies so they know I’m still holding a grudge.

i don't mean to come off as rude but we cannot sustain ourselves on outrage and anger forever. i think it's even more important now to post about other things too. even if it gets less engagement. you never know who will find it cool and interesting.

Big deal. So will I

cats don't obey in advance and no one else should, either

protect your eyes, protect your head. "less lethal" munitions are lethal when fired directly at a human being and cops love to use them this way. pepperballs will take your eye out, a tear gas canister can fracture your skull. cops will kill you on purpose and by accident, all with impunity.

*at the antique doll store* ok which ones have killed?

jail for mother! jail for mother for One Thousand Years!!!!