“I don’t want to play a woman in a video game, I want to go frame-by-frame in a trailer to find the worst looking shots of her and then whine like a dog that can’t find its tennis ball”

been spending most their lives livin on the starship enterprise

Then Birdo did lay with Yoshi, and knew him.

Staking my entire professional future and fortune on catering to the erratic whims of the infamously unappeasable 80 year old dickhead known as Mr. One Foot in the Grave aka Mr. No Apparent Heir aka This All Dies With Him.

Fox reporter to protester: You have a dirty mouth Protester: You are a Nazi bitch

"Springfield has found its monorail conductor... Homer Simpson."

when you come down to it Godzilla is just the most righteous shit of all time

Meter’s a little off but I’m loving this unintentional couplet

Pulaski: This is very fine painting on technical merits, Mr. Data. (sly smile) But I bet you can't draw a pelican on a bicycle

Grogu has contracted Feline AIDS :(

These fine gentleman will be joining us on the Mystery Science Theater 3000 set today. We are delighted and properly terrified.

Mark Briscoe when they come back from commercial. #AEWDynamite #wrestlesky

Grogu’s family has announced he has passed away. “He was probably like 56 years old, which is like a baby age for little freaks like him,” his mother told the Times. He will be flushed down a special toilet with an extra wide pipe designed for Yoda disposal. “Like a big green turd,” she added

It used to he called the meat liker pizza until your mom walked into Pizza Hut back in 1985

you will never guess what this is in reply to

couldn't really tell you why seeing that made me want to draw this. Don't rightly know, myself

We have a guest in the house tonight. Asked if he could “lurk creepily in the dark.” We said ok but regret it now.

One of the classic moves for high society evil guys is chuckling after being insulted, playfully pouting and saying "You wound me"

/approaching a barista, speaking in the exact tone and tenor of a voice-over from a truck commercial "I need the key to your bathroom. I gotta make."

Actually something I miss from Twitter was the Iron Sheik telling me to go fuck myself.

[opening a bottle of mountain dew with a champagne sword] you can ivy league my nuts

my ability to take the Hantavirus seriously is hobbled my inability to see the word and not hear it spoken by Krusty the Clown

Anyone skeptical that it took four years to produce Epstein’s suicide note have clearly never dealt with writer’s block

"Uh, can't make it in today, Mr. Smithers. I have smallpox. Well, it wasn't wiped out in my house!"

Me walking out of the bathroom the morning after eating a block of cheese

It really isn't fair to expose Alex Jones to Tim Heidecker like this, the media equivalent of giving a medieval peasant Doritos.

Telling another cowboy to stand down:

The groan and crash of falling trees. Huge footsteps boom out into the country dusk. Electronic reverb on pained chatter and nonsense words blasted out over the farm. No one is left to hear it.