if i lived in popeye town and one day i saw a ropy little sailor punch a huge guy so hard his skeleton flew out of his mouth thats the only thing i would talk about for the rest of my life

they should make an infowars for ladies. Wominfowars. a place where we can finally speak candidly about female issues, like how seed oils made me disobey my husband

oh hey its "burger tuesday" at the bar down the street from my house you should come have a burger with me and watch the red sox and guard my seat when i have to walk home at like 7:30 to do my cat's blood test and insulin shot before walking back down the hill to the bar again after.

The kids on my street are often screaming in the natural course of whatever they are playing at out there, but today i think screaming is the actual game?? Every couple minutes I hear some some uncountable number of of children's voices just go "AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!" all at once. Seems fun.

NASA failed to predict the real splashdown risk.

Reddit comment: “She’s 3 apples tall like Hello Kitty.” [Me: Leaaave it. Don’t. It does. not. matter.] Me, replying to Reddit: “Hello Kitty is actually 5 apples tall.” Me, replying to me: “But she does *weigh* 3 apples.” Me, replying to me replying to me: “It’s Smurfs that are 3 apples tall.”

when i prick rosey's ear for his glucose test and he gives a little yelp and i feel like the worst person in the world but then he tilts his head up to look at me upside down and i give him a kiss on his nose and he's like "oh, okay" and forgives me immediately >>>>>

why’s dogpiling got such a bad rap? I would kill to be in a pile of dogs

yes, please do not fedpost but also it is incredibly infuriating that the president of the united states can threaten to destroy an entire civilization with impunity and the rest of us have to say <redacted> a lot

Let me say this plainly: Iranian children have as much of a right to live and thrive as American children. Their babies MUST be as precious to me as my 6 niblings and my baby grandnib are IF I want them to have a future. If I want a future for my kin AND humanity, I MUST act like it. So must you.

I ate six hot dogs and now I have a head ache. I think I've been poisoned

I’m not often star-struck, but…

when i become mayor your penis will not dissappear inside of your balls whenever you sit down . That will not happen anymore

This weekend and always, NO LILIES FOR KITTIES. www.fda.gov/animal-veter...

Last day of the 2026 thunderdome. 🫡 These are good boots.

all the sizzlin' fajitas are stir fries these days. i want steak fajitas where they grill up a marinated skirt steak and then slice it up and put it on top of the peppers and onions, but its always little pre cut strips of beef cooked to well done all mixed in with everything. if elected i promise

don't forget to leave a hot dog out on the counter tonight, or baseball won't leave you any presents

Some advice from me to you is you should watch Ponies. it was so good and it will probably not get renewed but it really should.

The thing about baseball is every teams gonna win a hundred games and every teams gonna lose a hundred games, it’s what you do in the remaining negative forty eight games that really matters

I’m self-boosting because I have an angiogram tomorrow that will cost $95. 😂

With Monasterio making the team, the Red Sox will have five players from Venezuela on their Opening Day roster for the first time in franchise history. From last week: A look at the paths traveled by that group, and what it means for them to represent Venezuela together:

Hell, gang! Here’s our GFM. It’ll probably take some adjusting but uh… we could use some help! www.gofundme.com/f/amber-broo...

Sorry @ my deadlines but my sick cat has decided to snuggle with me for the first time in weeks and I have my priorities in order

Yeah I'm ready for the new dune. dune me sire's bidding around the keep.

baseball has two basic modes: 1. grumpy, slow-paced cotillion 2. drama avalanche where it feels like you’ve been kidnapped but in a way you enjoy for some reason

we truly love to see it

THAT'S OUR WILYER!!!

Do gifs work on here now? If so please look at my muscles. (I tried to add alt text but it didn't work this is just my middle aged butch arm flexing my middle aged butch triceps)

i think about this line every so often and crack up

happy 14th anniversary to all who observe

"Car-centric design is creating a public health crisis in the US" AT LEAST ONE GUY EVERY TIME THIS COMES UP: so you wanna BAN cars?? You want your jackbooted thugs pull me over and stand on my balls til they're red? For driving? I don't even OWN a car but you wanna punish MY balls?? For driving??

is life just a series of days where you're tired in the afternoon and wide awake at night, running behind on weekly deadlines, and seeing pants get slim and big and then slim again over the years until you die?

I guess I will find out how much it snowed later.

Just came under a MASSIVE PSYCHIC ASSAULT at the grocery store

i eat a pepperoni pizza hot pocket for lunch almost every day and i enjoy it every time.

Olympics are fine but nothing beats the thrill of watching the map with the little car carrying my pizza

Sounds rough! I avoid this ever happening to me with One Weird Trick

This is one of my all-time favorite songs. Impeccable, devastating lyrics

this is what your inseam looks like

Look at that cheese pull

Rosey's back in the ER for another overnight stay, dangerously low blood sugar this morning, they need to do a glucose curve over 24 hours and an ultrasound to see if there could be something underlying.

Good morning and welcome to baseball season.

refreshing tumblr over and over again to no avail trying to post about the fact that tumblr is down