Sorry I can’t, I have an appointment in seven hours and I need to rehearse all potential avenues of dialogue in my head until I’m sure I’ll know exactly what to say in every conversational situation.

Nobody's doing it like The Sick Times. Working with @mileswgriffis.bsky.social and @betsyladyzhets.bsky.social and @melaniemarich.bsky.social fills me with so much hope.

This ruling is nothing but transphobia from Trump's Supreme Court. To our transgender siblings across the country: I'll continue fighting for the dignity and respect you deserve to thrive in every space you wish.

Trans women belong in sports! They also belong in Tetris tournaments! My trans women friends never beat me at sports but they beat mine and everyone else’s asses at Tetris!

“Babe, did you say something?” “I’m talking to the cat!” [ad infinitum]

I asked my eight-year-old neighbor how old she thinks I am and she said “Well. Maybe 100 in the body but 12 or 14 inside?” Which, incredibly, is EXACTLY how old I am.

‼️ For people taking Corlanor (ivabradine) for POTS/dysautonomia and other condtions, nearly 1 million bottles of the drug (and another) were recently recalled. www.health.com/heart-diseas...

If you wanna be a hero during a heat wave, dip into the laundromat with a box of popsicles. 🫡🍧

I asked my dad when he looks at me now, what memory from my childhood jumps out as the moment I started becoming this me. He said “When you cried so hard and long the night you finished Charlotte’s Web, your eyes were so swollen you couldn’t see out of them the next day. Oh, and just HATING boys.”

Neighbor poking his head over the fence: You got a little apprentice over here today? Me, turning off my sander and taking off my headphones: Hmm? Neighbor: I heard you saying “good job, buddy” “you got this” “incredible work, keep going.” Me: Oh, I was talking to myself.

I started making my own cleaning supplies several month ago and every time I’m doing my different batches and distilling them into their spray jars, Stacy’s like “That’s my wife, coming into her full lesbian powers.”

Come hang out with us! It's gonna be so great!

@katiebarnes.bsky.social I just saw that you won the BJK AWARD! Congratulations! So wells deserved!

I almost accidentally dropped A'ja Wilson from my fantasy W team by clicking the wrong button and I panicked so hard I threw my phone.

Vet tech walking into the waiting room: Umbrella? Gay guy sitting next to me: ‘ella! Me: ‘ella! Me and my new best friend: Ayy, ayy, ayy, ayy, ayy-ayy!

Found out this week that one of the people who has been guilt-tripping me the most for not being able to reliably hang out — due to chronic illness/disability — has a freaking housekeeper who does her laundry and a personal trainer who preps all her meals at the beginning of the week.

Older lady peeped the rainbow flag on my bike, asked in a thick Russian accent “It’s your Pride?” She told me her youngest grandchild is “not she berry or he berry but no berry.” I said “Nonbinary?” She got so excited. Yes! Yes! And “Is a secret, but they are my“ *looks around, whispers* “favorite.”

I pulled a muscle in my back reaching to the top shelf at the grocery store 😭 So I had to ask a man to help me 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

FYI -- there's a sale on at Bookshop! You can find all my works there, including some translations. You can even pre-order my forthcoming "Red Dirt Witch" gn adaptation! Buying from Bookshop is a great way to support indie bookstores. bookshop.org/beta-search?...

Whenever I have nightmares that something bad happens to one of my cats, I get up and go check on them in the middle of the night, and smooch their heads and tell them how much I love them, and they’re always like WHAT IN THE HECK MOMB TURN OFF THAT LIGHT!!!!

Me: I’m gonna learn how to darn my socks. Stacy: Oh that’ll be amazing! Then if we get stranded in the wilderness and our clothes get worn out, you can fix us up! Me: … what’s the likelihood of that happening? Stacy: WHAT WAS THE LIKELIHOOD IT WOULD HAPPEN TO THE YELLOWJACKETS!!!

My upstairs neighbor (boy) and I keep getting political flyers mailed to us with both of our names on them, so we’ve been doing a running joke like “Hi, lesbian wife” “Hi, straight husband.” Well my actual wife heard it for the first time and was like “I will MURDER a man for calling you his wife!”

I watched the first WNBA game as a basketball-loving closeted teen lesbian in the rural south, so lonely and so afraid. I’m watching this 30th anniversary game on the couch with my wife, a life full of love, so proud and so brave.

Christian missionary: Did you go to church today? Me: No, I went to early vote for the socialists, had brunch with my gay wife, and now I’m here at Home Depot to take lesbian advantage of the Father’s Day power tool sale. Missionary: *flipping through the proselytizing manual* Um ok never mind.

My wife wanted “some kind of grape cocktail” with brunch so I made a gin fizz with grape juice that she’s now calling a “Communion Buzz.”

❤️🧡💛💚💙💜🤎🖤 🩷🤍🩵🤍🩷 Many in-person events aren’t accessible to people with disabilities. 🩷💜💙 🩷💛🩵 So come celebrate Pride with The Sick Times! 💛🤍💜🖤 🖤🩶🤍💜 Drag artists! Musicians! And more queer performance art! We're excited to see you there! luma.com/ih0oq3yw?mc_...

When I was in elementary school we went on a lot of field trips to pan for gold in the north Georgia mountains. I never unearthed any precious metals. But the skills I developed did just help me find the tiny pill I dropped into a two-pound tub of Greenies Oven Roasted Chicken Flavor Cat Treats.

My wife went out of town for one week for work and now that she’s back the cats are panicking every time she leaves their line of sight, throwing themselves on the floor and wailing, like NO GOD! NOT TEXAS! NOT AGAIN!! And, just, little babies, she is around the literal corner, in the kitchen.

So good to see Sasha and Malia again. 🥹

Tonight I'm going to a Pride event at my neighborhood bookstore called Queer Silent Reading Night! 🤗🏳️‍🌈

Got to have brunch (outside) today for the first time since 2020 AND got to see my best friend AND got to ride my bike. Feeling so grateful. 🥰

Some dude recently told me I couldn't name five gay books, and I was like, "Bro, I can name five gay EVERYTHING." theheatherhogan.substack.com/p/5-all-time...

Now how come my wife just texted me "lololol" when she is sitting in the same room and I did not hear her do even one single snicker!

Celebrate Pride with The Sick Times! Many in-person events aren’t accessible to people with Long COVID and related diseases and disabilities, so we're hosting our own virtual variety show! Register now: luma.com/ih0oq3yw?mc_... 🏳️‍🌈 😷 We're excited to see you there!

Wife just opened up the silverware drawer for the first time since she came home and gasped, “Chaos! Forks and knives in the wrong slots! Teaspoons and tablespoons enmeshed! Oh, Heather.”

I can’t believe that despite all the ways I have been surveilled, and all the data that has been mined and sold about me, and my phone spying on me every second, I cannot BELIEVE the Paramount+ app cannot simply show me Star Trek options when I open it. That’s the only thing I am ever doing here!!!

Me: Bub, I’ve got work to do. Socks: Yeh I know the work of holding up my head while I do a nap. :)

I keep a cooler of water and gatorade on my porch in the summer for drivers and workers and neighbors, whoever is thirsty. Sometimes my FedEx driver will include a thumbs up and Gatorade in the delivery confirmation picture.

My wife’s out of town for work and one thing I’ve realized is: She is absolutely correct to reload the dishwasher after me. I do not know what I am doing!

Hello! 👋 I'm hoping to raise money for two Bay Area cat rescues. If you post a screenshot of you donating at least $20, I will answer a style-related question for you. But first, let me tell you about the rescues, why they're worthy of your support, and hopefully get you to adopt a cat. 🧵

Bodega owner: Did you see that comeback last night??? Me: Dude, yeah!! I was worried when it went into overtime, but Marina Mabrey really does have--wait, hang on. I just woke up. You're talking about the Knicks. Yes, I saw that too. Wooo!

Someone at the stationary store moved 30 of these cards from the Greetings From New York City section to the front of every card slot in the Father's Day section. Incredible.

Everything Britta writes is a must-read, must-share for me!

Walking up the steps to my house, I said "Hello, beautiful kitty" to my neighbors' cat in the window. IMMEDIATELY three cat heads popped up in my own living room windows like some muppets all "I beg your everlasting gobstopping pardon! Who in THE HECK are you talking to???"

I love this SO much! I constantly talk about how indie bookstores in NYC provide the safest spaces I've been in since 2020 (and that includes hospitals and doctors offices).

Nothing says “USA! USA!“ like packing food pantry items for panicked neighbors who don’t know what the fuck is going on with SNAP benefits into 🎆 AMERICA 250! 🎆 branded grocery bags.

Just remembering the time a straight couple showed up at Stonewall during Pride and the man was like “Is it okay for us to be here, for the experience and the history?” and I was like “Absolutely! It is customary for straight people to buy a round of drinks for us, though.” And they totally did! 🌈

Ope, @heatherhogan.bsky.social made me cry again. How is she so funny and yet also shines a light so brightly on the sore aching parts? Someone Worthy of Softness open.substack.com/pub/theheath...

Happy six year anniversary to the time my then-3-year-old daughter got really excited in the backseat of the car and shouted “Mommy! A Dunkin Donuts flag!!”

How can we eat when we’re too sick to cook? On this episode of Still Here, @mileswgriffis.bsky.social talks to writer and artist Aisha Mirza, founder of misery collective and author of misery meals: a crip community anti-cookbook for when eating and cooking is hard. bit.ly/4o7IARR