Per Craig Ferguson: When you're about to say something, ask yourself 1. Does this need to be said 2. Does this need to be said by me 3. Does this need to be said by me right now It's amazing how asking these will get keep you out of trouble (that is, if you actually have sense to begin with)

james cameron every few years

A thought.

If anyone does this to me, ever, I will fucking shoot you.

I enjoy misnoprunciating long words, especially mixing up mutlisyllabic words (I call it 'spooronism') Anyway here's a new animal based on the word 'australopithecus' this is the AUSTROCALOTHICOPUS (a primitive and not very clever cat from southern California)

I take Death speaking in all caps as Pratchett shouting at the reader here, and this is quite possibly his most important message. Justice and mercy do not tangibly exist, but if we do not believe in them, they never will. Without our beliefs, the sun is just a ball of flaming gas in the sky.

Watching Die Hard for the first time since ..... 2009? Engaging from the off, we get just enough character work at the beginning to care about John and Holly, and then Rickman is iconic and completely unflappable as Gruber.

Hard to overstate how much of an impact the unbridled scream of "IT'S CHRIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIISTMAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAS" had on me as a child when i first heard this one. What's your favourite Christmas tune? Carol or otherwise www.youtube.com/watch?v=WM7M...

Unbelievably, #DuvetKnowItsChristmas generates such good will on social media that over the years we've raised somewhere approaching a quarter of a million quid for homeless charities. If you can spare a bob or two, sling some to Centrepoint, and here's the link: www.gofundme.com/f/duvet-know...

This is the 15th year of #DuvetKnowItsChristmas, which is preposterous. Rules: if you find yourself dealing with unusual / claustrophobic / gaudy sleeping arrangements this Christmas Eve, share a picture with the world. Use the hashtag (with capitalisation) and cc me if you can be bothered.

OH, THERE HAS TO BE SOMETHING IN THE STOCKING THAT MAKES A NOISE, said Death. OTHERWISE, WHAT IS 4:30 A.M. FOR? - Terry Pratchett, Hogfather good night and good luck to every other parent with small children out there

#TodayInQueerHistory December 25 (2016) Remembering George Michael; pop star and all around good egg who passed #OTD. George did a lot for charity. Royalties from hit Jesus to a Child supported Childline. Don't Let The Sun Go Down On Me supported HIV charities. He often donated anonymously too.

Ta-Ta-Tiny Tim, haver of consumption (thin) They put some poison into his wine Ta-Ta-Tiny Tim, Dickens' smallest cough machine He drank it all and he did NOT die Ta-Ta-Tiny Tim, London's greatest love machine,

In case Christmas isn't a happy time for you or someone you know. Please share

the muppet christmas carol demarcation between 'animals for talking' and 'animals for eating' is very troubling

That is not dead which can eternal lie, Like Tiny Tim, who did NOT die

His feet are light and nimble. He never sleeps. He says that he will never die. He dances in light and in shadow and he is a great favorite. He never sleeps, Tiny Tim. He is dancing, dancing. He says that he will never die.

He isn't "losing" this money. This is called "paying tax like a responsible citizen and not hiding your money offshore" and we need to start recognising and applauding it.

To all my friends and family, wherever you are in the world and however you spend it, may you have a very merry Christmas xx

🎵It was Christmas eve babe 🎵In the gunge tank, a Noel said to me 🎵Won't see another one 🎵And then he sang his song, a rare old Gotcha tune 🎵I Blobbied Blobbily, and dreamed about you

To those that celebrate and enjoy this time of you, Happy Christmas from the Allfather Crew To those that don't, we love and hope you can get through the next few days without it being too difficult

I live alone and this would suit me down to the ground

And to Tiny Tim, who did NOT die. He was unable to. He still walks among us, cursed to remember in a world where everyone has forgotten. He’s out there now, just beyond the light your lantern throws,

And to Tiny Tim, who did NOT die, and will return in Avengers: Doomsday

Every year there’s people who grump that “this was a horrible year for metal” and that says more about how limited their taste in the genre is than the amount of good metal albums that came out.

Made a tiny Christmas tree out of fossils: the stars are crinoid ossicles, the trunk dinosaur bone & the branches are sharks’ teeth 🎄🦴

Greta Thunberg arrested for holding a sign opposing genocide. When peaceful protest is a crime, democracy is in deep trouble. Happening under a Labour Government.

For god's sake read a book, it's an emergency

Transphobia, like fascism (very like fascism) is ideological capture. It comes from the top down, from wealthy intellectual spaces: universities, the media, the government. It has to come from the top down because most normal people aren’t spiteful weirdos.

This is just a note to say that I have eaten the falcon in a widening gyre and that you were probably saving for anarchy Forgive me it was delicious so rough and full of passionate intensity

Paddington becoming the angel of death over the past ~5 years is something I honestly did not see coming.

I think the people who make a technology that makes nudes of children should be put in jail. this should not be in any way controversial

Happy Solstice to those that celebrate 🌙🌞

A while ago, @wangleberry.bsky.social and I made a shocking discovery. By writing a caption, hiding that caption, and having another person draw an unrelated Thing, the caption and the drawing inevitably resolve into a perfect New Yorker cartoon. We've blown the whole thing wide open. Thread:

We've done some boxing by mistake

“i have to use AI because i’m bad at drawingggg 😭😭😭”

Calling someone a blockhead is known as "adding insult to Ian Dury"

The Ghostbusters are hired by Scrooge, gambling their call out fee will cost him less than a lifetime of generous good spirits

Rare footage of St Paul’s Cathedral testing its giant flamethrower

The lack of self-awareness in complaining that someone has ‘stolen’ the way you’ve used the art stealing machine is hilariously staggering. They really think they are creative.

This is the way 🖤🖤✨✨ From Teaandrosemary IG

“Be sure to set me to ‘delicate,’ Alison. It’d be a shame to ruin that sweater, you know, in case it ever comes back in style.”

Incredible words from real boxer Anthony Joshua after he knocked Jake Paul the fuck out lol

Funny animal videos no longer being trustworthy just fucking sucks all around. I love the wonder of animal behavior and what it says about the experience of being alive. It's because it happened in reality that it's so fun. It's not fun if it was just made up. There's no wonder there.

Like, we didn't release with any PR or label banking and have so far failed to sort out a way to play this live so can understand why it's not been listened to that much but promise, it is really fucking good (We being me and Alan)