Getty Images doing Emmet so incredibly dirty, I can’t stop laughing.

There are one gender

STANTON’S 116.3 MPH SINGLE DENTED THE WALL!!!!!

oh goddamit. my Popeyes meal was supposed to come with two sauces, and then I paid extra for two more sauces. they gave me zero sauces. and I'm on lunch so I don't have time to go back

in today's episode of "fffuck ai," I had a girl return the most beautiful steak because chatgpt told her the blue mark, which is from the food safe dye used to show the meat passed safety inspection, was mold and that she shouldn't eat it

we have a couple of regular customers with aggressive bbls, but I just saw a new woman with an ass I truly couldn't stop staring at. it looked like it would pop if she sat down on a hot park bench. it was befuddling.

just a reminder that elián gonzález is now 32 years old and he's a proud member of the cuban communist party and is a member of the national assembly of people's power

Sometimes readers are skeptical when I tell them that retailers would rather pay for self-checkout kiosks and product lockup systems and all manner of other questionable in-store tech rather than staffing because of an ideological preference for capital spending over labor spending and, well,,,

Today I learned I can read German

this is a cultural document

why have I had Say It, Don't Spray It by MTV's satirical boy band 2ge+her stuck in my head for an entire week?

why am I crying

me: you're a silly goose Melody: no! I'm a serious duck!

love that Netflix is raising prices again and it's the only one of my streaming services that regularly refuses to load. what am I paying for here

(to the tune of Eleanor Rigby) Jonathan Majors (also to the tune of Eleanor Rigby) Fell through a window

im gonna be alone in Texas overnight I haven’t been able to afford to eat in 2 days. I haven’t been able to afford to live. I’m so close to being homeless in a few weeks And now I m stranded in Texas overnight , seeing Mom tomorrow , and I don’t have money for food or hotel

I just do not understand how democrats can look at the series of horrifying things this administration does every day— war crimes, legislating trans people out of existence, gutting every service imaginable to increase military spending— and think “we should spend our time smearing Hasan Piker”

Watched the Billy Idol documentary and it reinforced my belief that we need to bring back music television. Bring back all music videos all the time.

Some aggressive savers, for instance, have chosen to cut costs by laying off their copy editors

Munetaka Murakami’s four home runs are the most by a Japanese-born player in his first 8 career MLB games

when customers who use the app put their phone number in at checkout, my register tells me the name they signed up with. today a woman put in what I'm assuming is her husband's number because all of a sudden my screen said "Henry Black Ass Johnson."

Read @clairewillett.bsky.social right now www.nytimes.com/2026/04/03/o...

gollummaxxing so i don’t get sleepmogged

I think a lot of people have teleported to Waffle House, and by that I mean "got blackout and came to in a Waffle House" which is presumably what happened here

Most of our majors are double majors and almost without exception for the ones I’ve advised we are the thing they love and want to do and their other major is the thing their parents want/expect them to do.

OK, I'm now utterly obsessed with this umpire, S.M. Decker. Look at how he's listed in this box score in the Chicago Tribune that same year.

Donald Trump did that.

The Seattle Torrent have activated forward Mikyla Grant-Mentis ahead of tonight's game vs the NY Sirens at Madison Square Garden. She'll be back in the lineup tonight. #PWHL

Bluesky: The Book

“Does someone have a more chill way to describe 762,000 African deaths?” “Let’s go with messy.”

haven't read a fic in ages but what if I broke the drought with a 100k word slow burn Franchaela fic

There are a lot of images now rolling out from the #ArtemisII mission - you can noodle through them in nice gallery formats at www.nasa.gov/artemis-ii-m... 🧪🔭 I am off to Houston now to cover the lunar flyby on Monday! Stay tuned for reports from mission control.

Melody's designing a hotel room in #acnh to look exactly like her house in acnh, which is specifically how I asked her NOT to decorate rooms

you, a naive fool: i do believe there are some things the nytimes won’t both sides the nytimes:

I’m reading War and Peace, and you know, probably a lot more people would read it if they knew just how extremely cunty the dialogue is

What are you talking about? There's nothing wrong with AI fact-checking!

There was a Passover-themed haiku contest at the community seder. My entry, which received a solid round of applause: Frogs frogs frogs frogs frogs Frogs frogs frogs frogs frogs frogs frogs Frogs frogs frogs frogs frogs

Woke up from a dream (Nightmare?) this morning. The toy that was all the rage with the kids was “my little Tony” dolls. I had to exorcise this thought, I'm so sorry.

Disabled people live on fixed incomes that keep them well below the poverty line. They are often on more medication than their non disabled peers. A 100% tariff on prescription drugs will break people, many of whom are already having to choose between medicine and food.

Brad Lander how could you allow this

I really need the rest of the people I love to migrate here because I can't deal with the absolute morons on twitter. like, so close, bestie! that's actually not a stripper, that's a fully clothed child playing dress up!

I agree with all of this, except I know for a FACT that by no means all writers ENJOY writing. A good schlug of us enjoy, per Dorothy Parker, having written.

A disturbing amount of what this administration does makes sense as the answer to the question: “What steps would you take given four years to ensure that when you stage a second coup, it succeeds?”

Kirk Cousins’ agent should be negotiating the ceasefire with Iran I am not joking

i vetted this to make sure it wasn’t ai so you could enjoy it fully