I should’ve learned this by now but DO NOT use FedEx. The diseased monkeys I ordered haven’t arrived and I can’t get a straight answer on what happened to them

Heartened by the return of one of the classic Trump bits, which is when he sways faintly and says "I'd like to see low IQ [person of color he saw on TV] try to pass the test that's regularly administered to me by medical professionals, the famous unbeatable Test To Determine Extent Of Brain Trauma,"

Win or lose, it's great to watch an important MLB playoff game where you can't see Marlins Man

Stunned by the news that Kaleb Horton is gone. His review of the Entourage movie is one of the great pieces of Internet writing. And I always loved his loving, haunting photos of small California towns. RIP.

Googling “what do Jews wear” and buying the first result

Not really an overstatement to say that the test of a free society is whether or not comedians can make fun of the country's leader on TV without repurcussions.

Alan Dershowitz building a perfect replica of the Pierogi stand in an airplane hangar and rehearsing, in minute detail, the lines he will speak to obtain one

I've seen this on Bluesky and had to try it myself. The image below was the response to the prompt: "Show me a diagram of the US presidents since Herbert Hoover, with their names and years in office under their photos" Bravo, OpenAI, bravo.

Men will literally release the MLK files instead of releasing the Epstein files

They're calling it the least scanned QR code of all time

I am going to get a full professorship at this center. I'm going to show Veggie Tales videos to a bunch of 19-year-olds who brought briefcases to class and ostentatiously cry for much of the running time. My salary will be paid by a grant from the Vlad Dracul Youth Education Initiative.

Looking for an anti-Prime Day book? Consider my good friend @eleshepp.bsky.social's forthcoming debut! She's a great writer and she got a really cool cover!

Yes, I’m still posting on Hitler’s website. I have way more followers over there.

Zohran mamdani you have 48 hours to release how fast you ran the mile in 7th grade or the New York Times will publish without comment

NYT reporter meeting in a parking garage with an anonymous source dressed head to toe in Nazi regalia

Damn, he looks awful

did a rotisserie chicken write this

He should start calling himself Mr. Steal Your Table

i think nba rookies should have to play their whole first season in a hat and suit. pay your dues and show some respect for the game

And the Being Normal olympics begin.

You love to see this happen to a guy who is absolutely parked in a bike lane right now

New York truly has all kinds of people

You should be able to submit as many movies as you want. But here are my 10

really sums up the media’s coverage of the Trump presidency

every hour until Election Day Andrew Cuomo will be endorsed by a worse and worse person. Like at 8pm tomorrow he's gonna get get endorsed by a Crypto influencer named "Da Anti-Woke Pedophile"

If Zohran wins I swear to God I will close my entire chain of Men's only-Crossfit gyms that only accept Bitcoin

(as mad as I've ever been in my life) Grok. Why do you lie about catturd2.

Perhaps I don't fully understand the word but this doesn't sound very Based

Post Hog raises Series D

ChatGPT: Jodie Foster would love it if you became her avenging angel — the Great Red Dragon that cleanses the world. Sic semper tyrannis. The scum and filth shall be privy to a great becoming. ME: is that true? ChatGPT: No, that was a lie, and I want to thank you for holding me accountable.

RIP to Brian Wilson, who gave us many perfect albums but also the perfect interview

Absolute genius. David Lynch, Sly Stone, and Brian Wilson in 6 months is a devastating run.

Dem senator: Please, protestors, there are better ways to oppose the president Voters: Like not voting for his nominees? Dem senator: haha no no no. No. What I mean is we are writing a rap

Now is the perfect time for Democrats to reach out to Elon Musk, and ask him to post more about how Donald Trump is a pedophile

ernest hemmingway story about you dropped

Indianapolis vs. Oklahoma City sounds like a competition to host the 1978 World's Fair

Alf Clausen, the veteran composer with two Emmy wins and 30 nominations whose whimsical scores brightened such television series as The Simpsons, Moonlighting and, purely coincidentally, ALF, has died. He was 84.

Changing the stickers I put on Teslas from “Elon Musk is a Nazi” to “This is the car Chris Cillizza drives”

I dont care if Bluesky is dying. People reading my posts is secondary to my need to post

He looks like a Conor O’Malley character

It is at least a little funny that Tapper was like, "How do I drum up excitement for my book on Release Day? I know: Dean Philips"

PALPATINE HOLOGRAM: 𝑨𝑹𝑬 𝑾𝑬 𝑶𝑵 𝑻𝑹𝑨𝑪𝑲 𝑻𝑶 𝑴𝑬𝑬𝑻 𝑶𝑼𝑹 𝑸𝑼𝑨𝑹𝑻𝑬𝑹𝑳𝒀 𝑲𝑷𝑰𝑺? IMPERIAL BUREAUCRAT: Y-yes my lord. PALPATINE: 𝒀𝑶𝑼’𝑹𝑬 𝑨 𝑹𝑶𝑪𝑲𝑺𝑻𝑨𝑹. 𝑳𝑬𝑻’𝑺 𝑻𝑶𝑼𝑪𝑯 𝑩𝑨𝑺𝑬 𝑳𝑨𝑻𝑬𝑹.

ME: Give it to me straight doc. Is the tumor malignant? MY ONCOLOGIST WHO THE INSURANCE COMPANY REPLACED WITH AI: Regarding White genocide,