(wizard open mic) don’t ya hate it when your homunculus becomes ensouled? (audience murmuring derisively) sooo much paperwork (cough. couple hisses. squinting past the stage lights) ah i see we have a few clay friends in the audience tonight, that’s awesome

Kash Patel is going to make history as the first FBI director to get medically evacuated from Burning Man

I'll put a twist on this: I love the opening dance scene in CLIMAX, and have watched it multiple times, but I wouldn't watch any other part of that movie again.

we're hiring an associate editor to help build out our grooming coverage at GQ! if you're interested in all things men's hair + body + face (and you got that gaga reference) email me your resume condenast.wd5.myworkdayjobs.com/en-US/CondeC...

(lips pressed incomprehensibly close to the microphone) Bunghazi

For more singing toilets tune into the Turning Point USA halftime show

Whatever you think of the Washington Post at this moment, here's a chance to support the dedicated, hard-working journalists who were just laid off. If you have the means, your donation is most welcome. If you don't, a kind thought and maybe spreading the word to others is support enough 💙

He looks like Peter Griffin in "Death of a Salesman"

whenever i see the quarterback matchup for the super bowl this is all i can think of. sorry.

Kare 11 local news just read, in full, this statement from Michael and Susan Pretti, the parents of Alex Pretti. "Please get the truth out about our son."

They wrote an article about your posts

every NYT headline is like…They expected pee: poo greeted them instead

this is your mission. our pedophile president needs you to jump out of a helicopter to kidnap a head of state and his wife so some oil ceos can make a lot of money. we’ll be watching from a resort in florida that still serves wedge salad and checking how many retweets we get. good luck soldier

ME: (first day practicing Bug Law) May it please the Court— BUG JUDGE: (sternly) Bug Court.

Oh man how could I forget this one

truly one of the geniuses of posting

One of the best to ever do it

Read this headline too fast and thought Radiohead had released a watch

My primary memory of Dan Bongino’s tenure as Assistant FBI director will always be how I would occasionally stop what I was doing and suddenly remember that Dan Bongino was the Assistant FBI Director

"Possible 2028 Contender"...for what?

Mad Men 4K

COSTANZA (agitated): She had a VERY strong floor JERRY: And no ceiling? COSTANZA (making a rapid hand motion): No ceiling!

All the Epstein emails are like On Tue, November 21, 2017 at 8:16 AM, Larry Summers wrote: Have you seen the latest news? Get the popcorn ready… On Tue, November 21, 2017 at 8:18 AM, jeffrey E. <[email protected]> wrote: Pop cofn taste good .

I should’ve learned this by now but DO NOT use FedEx. The diseased monkeys I ordered haven’t arrived and I can’t get a straight answer on what happened to them

Heartened by the return of one of the classic Trump bits, which is when he sways faintly and says "I'd like to see low IQ [person of color he saw on TV] try to pass the test that's regularly administered to me by medical professionals, the famous unbeatable Test To Determine Extent Of Brain Trauma,"

Win or lose, it's great to watch an important MLB playoff game where you can't see Marlins Man

Stunned by the news that Kaleb Horton is gone. His review of the Entourage movie is one of the great pieces of Internet writing. And I always loved his loving, haunting photos of small California towns. RIP.

Googling “what do Jews wear” and buying the first result

Not really an overstatement to say that the test of a free society is whether or not comedians can make fun of the country's leader on TV without repurcussions.

Alan Dershowitz building a perfect replica of the Pierogi stand in an airplane hangar and rehearsing, in minute detail, the lines he will speak to obtain one

I've seen this on Bluesky and had to try it myself. The image below was the response to the prompt: "Show me a diagram of the US presidents since Herbert Hoover, with their names and years in office under their photos" Bravo, OpenAI, bravo.

Men will literally release the MLK files instead of releasing the Epstein files

They're calling it the least scanned QR code of all time

I am going to get a full professorship at this center. I'm going to show Veggie Tales videos to a bunch of 19-year-olds who brought briefcases to class and ostentatiously cry for much of the running time. My salary will be paid by a grant from the Vlad Dracul Youth Education Initiative.

Looking for an anti-Prime Day book? Consider my good friend @eleshepp.bsky.social's forthcoming debut! She's a great writer and she got a really cool cover!

Yes, I’m still posting on Hitler’s website. I have way more followers over there.

Zohran mamdani you have 48 hours to release how fast you ran the mile in 7th grade or the New York Times will publish without comment

NYT reporter meeting in a parking garage with an anonymous source dressed head to toe in Nazi regalia

Damn, he looks awful

did a rotisserie chicken write this

He should start calling himself Mr. Steal Your Table

i think nba rookies should have to play their whole first season in a hat and suit. pay your dues and show some respect for the game