Sarco
@sarco.bsky.social
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📥 355
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https://bsky.app/profile/did:plc:6kye3r75exjwspbk3j3cd75i/feed/aaah3r3onxn4e
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One of the funniest self owns is people complaining about how dumb people are at the airport and not realizing there's a separate airport for smart people they aren't invited to
10 months ago
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The Devil: hey man not sure what happened here but we're all out special places Me: listen pal I was given SEVERAL reservations over to course of my lifetime
about 2 months ago
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crumbum
2 months ago
The worst part of this rainy weather is it gives the moon cloud cover while it hunts you.
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slop enjoyer
about 2 months ago
drunk in the back of the carriage spilling mead everywhere
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Pilot: hi sry due to gas prices this plane is crashing into a mountain
about 2 months ago
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Revolutionary: hi sry due to gas prices this Molotov cocktail is now virgin
about 2 months ago
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Vin Diesel: hi sry due to gas prices im only living 1/16 of a mile at a time
about 2 months ago
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Astr0z0mbreez
5 months ago
Getting kids to do their homework is hard cause they’ll just be like “I know how magicians saw people in half” & then it’s like well shit—fuck subtraction—tell me everything you know
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chris.
5 months ago
Teach your child to swim, as someday they might be required to post through their tears.
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chris.
5 months ago
I just want everyone to know that you don't need drugs to vomit and scream at the same time.
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Tusk Jenkins
5 months ago
I don't know what it meant when I finally connected all the dots but it sure looked unlike I do visual story straightforwardly
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There should be an app that matches people who are down with people who want to kick them while they are
5 months ago
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j
5 months ago
As far back as i can remember I always wanted to win a million dollars in a lawsuit. To me, winning a million dollars in a lawsuit was better than being President of the United States
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Tusk Jenkins
5 months ago
Optimistic enough to leave an aquarium outside for something to come over and live in, but super tasty optimistic enough for it to respect how I constantly monitor hope when I should induce vomiting
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Julie Lavender Menace 🏳️⚧️
5 months ago
The sweetest thing ever told to me was when a drunk said I'm a double vision.
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chris.
5 months ago
Opening old wounds to release some of this sewage water roiling through my veins.
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chris.
5 months ago
Salad is not for sad days. Melting the cheese that is already in your mouth with a kitchen torch is.
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Guy who only understands things in terms of Godzilla vs Mothra: okay but I need you to explain this to me like I'm Godzilla and you're Mothra
5 months ago
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President Warren G. Harding Wears Prada
5 months ago
We've secretly replaced the Secretary of Defense with a drunken racist blogger. Let's see if anyone notices.
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✧𝔪𝔲𝔡 𝔰𝔠𝔞𝔪𝔭✧
5 months ago
it kinda feels like someone should do something
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BKinDetroit
5 months ago
I have not set foot on the moon
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The Drip
5 months ago
"Are you not entertained?"
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more mr. nice guy
5 months ago
wow amazing that america has already collected almost enough 9/11 Points to earn another 9/11
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trickykat
5 months ago
VPN stands for Very Paranoid Nerd you did not hear this from me
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chris.
5 months ago
MANUARY, A MONTH FOR MEN.
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Tusk Jenkins
5 months ago
After work I do not walk to my car, I slink in the parking garage and descend to its depths, never overground estimate me
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Astr0z0mbreez
5 months ago
The only ppl getting raptured are the ones that left Britney Spears alone.
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chris.
5 months ago
You can try to suck it back in all you want, but the darkness leaking from your nostrils is now bigger than the whole of us.
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Bombing other countries must feel like crack to an american president
5 months ago
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Tusk Jenkins
5 months ago
My nickname back in driving school was unofficial parking space because I'd get all huffy if someone else's car was in my thoughts even though they're public and undesignated
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Astr0z0mbreez
5 months ago
& iiiiIIiiiiieeeeiiiIiii WILL ALWAYS LOoVE YOOOOOUUUUOUUU 🎶
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chris.
5 months ago
There is no next year, only Zuul.
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chris.
5 months ago
Sitting here without my glasses on, micro-dosing the innocence before the fall.
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Ennui Doofen
5 months ago
one mood away from getting a tattoo that says eyebrows on my forehead
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Ennui Doofen
5 months ago
If you wake me up and don't read my rights to me, I'm going to assume you don't have any either
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Raquel Squelch
5 months ago
I said manatee not matinee I see how they show up on time like long jokes when you're really ready to get it matinees don't so give me a manatee flexibility a floppy feel for words not a punctual punctuating perspective I peruse paradisiacal patterns beyond a frame while you call old films late
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Tusk Jenkins
5 months ago
Back in my tough love we had to fight the happy people into being happier by doing these suffering bits "I'm not suffering just because you are in fact I kinda like it" and then we'd be scarred strong for winter
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chris.
5 months ago
Always keep a small piece of chalk in your pocket lest you run out of tums or fall down and die.
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Tusk Jenkins
5 months ago
Learned all of the music and feelings you should have as a human being just from a television experience so now I know that I am a sad and complete kind of person, I'll take it because it's closing creditsable
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Ennui Doofen
5 months ago
There are such serious divisive issues to be outraged by, but I think everyone needs to come together and fight the temperature changing 40 degrees in one day. We can all hate this equally, right?
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Astr0z0mbreez
5 months ago
The best thing about holdin on to broken shit is match makin new couples like broken lamp base this is your new baby pretty ceramic flower—she’s gonna cover your missing piece
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Astr0z0mbreez
5 months ago
If you can’t call your doctor “Doc” then you needa get the fuck outta there. They’re gonna fuck your shit all up
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chris.
5 months ago
Blood is just the start of what I am capable of hemorrhaging.
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Hey so the best of us just called and they want you to know that it does not in fact happen to them
5 months ago
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Wendy
5 months ago
fried onions on really anything, that is all
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Gef the Toking Mongoose
5 months ago
Kids in the Hall had me "I'm crushing your head" at every person I saw as a kid
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Julie Lavender Menace 🏳️⚧️
5 months ago
I run a business that retroactively provides jobs for people who need an alibi.
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