Zonker’s nephew in Doonesbury lookin ass

FFS Google the pre-AI "Google Assistant" was kinda dumb but mostly worked ok. If I asked it to turn everything off it wouldn't *turn off my fucking furnace" just because the smart thermostat is also linked to Google home. Which is what Gemini just did

I bet he knows ratatouille

It’s so sad that anyone would steal from a little French snail farmer like this it’s probably hard enough being a farmer when you’re just a slimy little guy What are escargots some kind of root

Today’s xkcd made me cry. In a good way. xkcd.com/3172/

The emoji I want most is an NFL referee raising their arms to signal touchdown and it’s not even close. I would use it all day every day. Had a good day at work? Touchdown! Met a cute girl at the bar? Touchdown! Touchdown? Touchdown!

WHY ARE YOU PEOPLE STILL GOING ON FUCKING TWITTER

Earlier today, I was notified that someone was at my door. This is who it was:

[getting drinks with captain hook] Me: so what’s up are you still in a blood feud with that boy Hook: he’s not — we’ve been over this, he doesn’t age. I think he’s older than me Me: I’m just fucking with you how’s Smee

'Four cones wins, but in order to get a cone you have to build a civilization. Which is where the spirit cards come in'

Oh yes, as everybody knows corn the most important part of every Bond movie is that it remain internally consistent with every other one. But of course the person saying this is somebody who has written three 007 *novels*

the AI-generated chapter titles for our episodes are making me believe in the power of AI

Pretty shocking how many people seem to need this reminder

New response to my family when they ask me if I'm falling asleep on the couch: goodbye "I'm just testing my eyes" and hello "I just appear to be closing my eyes"

This must have hurt like hell

LOCAL ELECTION RESULT: Let me congratulate @zysaidso.bsky.social for her election to the Charlottesville School Board. For those wondering: Zyahna Bryant was a student organizer who led the successful fight in removing two confederate statues from downtown Charlottesville.

Alice is earnestly explaining to me how she has to organize her entire life on the night before Bin Day so that she can take out her bins at the exact right time, late in the evening, because if she just did it when she got home from work it would be early and then “you look too eager for Bin Day”

If you have home plate seats at the World Series and they catch your ass dinking around on your phone back there a big claw game thing should come down and pluck you up and out by the head.

Alien archaeologists in a million years when they discover the one natural history museum that wasn't destroyed in the Great Science Purge:

I know a lot of people talk about "Ken Griffey's swing", "John Olerud's swing" but for my money there is nothing more beautiful than Alejandro Kirk: - 5'7 and built like a Welsh corgi - basically drops halfway into a splits on each swing - each swing is a Street Fighter "Shooooryuken" uppercut

The Blue Jays are going to give me a heart atrack

I was 15 years old the last time the Jays won the world series. My son is now 16, the next time they made it. This is pretty exciting I'm NGL

it is funny how much studio executives dislike making money

Maybe let’s get the word out on this again, for no reason in particular.

Love to bring back a classic #BlueJays

Lol, I got excited for a second when my Nvidia app told me that I had a code to claim in Steam for Borderlands for. Turns out it's just a shift code for one gold key! Okay Nvidia, you got me

I support free speech, but I also think Bluesky should ban anyone that says eating the lower half of a mermaid is not cannibalism I don’t care if genetically it’s fish flesh not human, in my book it still counts as cannibalism and I expect this platform to uphold that fact

We are bringing back “Sphincter Boy” as an insult. We are growing waynepilled and we are garthmaxxing

Who ARE these Blue Jays? God damn.

Tuned into the Jays game just in time for them to score 4 runs in the 7th. That's the good stuff right there

[Listening to the Taylor Swift album at 2.5x so I can get this review out before everyone else] I have to say, her pitch is too high on every single song. Disappointing. Incredible breath control singing that fast though

Hey @drewgmackie.bsky.social for some reason the Patreon RSS feed only has a preview version of the Small Wonder episode? The web version is full length though

POV you are Donald Duck taking a picture of Jimmy Kimmel, Seth Meyers, and Stephan Colbert

Oh shit I must've missed the news that the New York Comedy Festival is now being run and paid for by the US Government, in an effort to whitewash all those atrocities and clean up their reputation in the eyes of the world

Article 100% of the time. If somebody sends me a video I will flat out ask them to summarize it for me because I'm not gonna watch it.

they should build the star wars bacta tank. it doesnt even matter if it works i just want to float in a warm goo tube for a few hours

I have approximately zero following on this app, sharing in the hopes it can get in front of the right person. A man I went to college with’s wife was kidnapped by ICE at a green card hearing, and he’s trying to find a reporter who will speak to him about the situation

CHOTINER: And you thought it would be funny to do a fake interview by me? ME: A lot of people have, so CHOTINER: You were looking for engagement? ME: Well, to make someone laugh I guess CHOTINER: How many likes and reposts did it get? ME: That's, uh, not really the metric...look can we start over

half-remembering that thing about how most Roman citizens experienced the fall of Rome as simply one day their local bridge went out and nobody came around to repair it

we should have never normalized filming strangers in public and posting them as content

Looks like the bots are just munching up tickets no matter the artist - my daughter wanted tickets to see Audrey Hobert, presale went live at 10, I signed in RIGHT at 10 and couldn't even get 3 tickets, already sold out. And oh hey look there's Stubhub (these are like $40 face value):

i have said this before but when “getting rid of race in admissions” for the administration means “you can’t even try to reach out to underrepresented communities and encourage them to apply and if you do it is illegal discrimination against white people” then the actual goal here is segregation

That's the worst play name I've ever heard.

The "WC" on toilet doors stands for "we crappin'"

(Jerry Lewis voice): GROYPERS

Lmao he absolutely did the fuck not.

Never mind. bsky.app/profile/azrw...

fbi puts another one in the books. closing the case the way most crime is solved: someone calls and tells them who did it.