My gift came early

In a Florida dollar tree parking lot. Who knows what could happen.

There is a dog on this plane with ear muffs

I burn my life to make a sunrise I know I’ll never see! - me taking my shopping cart back to the stall

These two look like they are ready to drop the hottest new wave album of 1985

My “year in review” Still four legs this year but close enough.

Well. This will prove to be problematic.

When people ask me who the best actor in Top Gun was

Some say the most ambitious crossover ever

🎶 Oh the year was 2025 How I wish I were in Pensacola Now A letter of marque from Mike Lee To the Scummiest vessel I’ve ever seen 🎶

🎶God damn them all I was told we’d cruise the seas for Venezuelan oil We’d fire no guns Shed no tears Now I’m a broken man in a Galveston pier The last of Mike Lee’s Privateers 🎶

How much is that doggie in the window?

Got my new jacket for Christmas dinner

“Half the quotes on the Internet attributed to me are bull shit” - Freedom of Speech Guy

“Half the quotes on the Internet attributed to me are bull shit” - Freedom of Speech Guy

Imagine doing A Charismas Carol but the cast is all muppets

Atlantic Lottery just posted about how scratch tickets are not gifts for children and all the replies are adults telling stories about how scratching lottery tickets as a kid fucking ruled.

Toronto-Pearson did this cool thing where they put all the star alliance carriers under one roof in T1 and every other airport in the world is like “LOL fuck that”.

When your local bar and grill changes up their menu you order the

It’s too cold in Chicago for the plane to have potable water so the lavatory has hand wipes instead. LMAO what the fuck.

Good bye Chicago. While it was only a couple hours. Rest assured it was terrible.

United is reminding me why I try to avoid united at all costs.

More safety demonstrations involving Pokémon please.

This is by far the largest seat I’ve ever had on a plane. And it closes up into a little room.

Vending machine sushi.

Me putting two gravy boats on the table at Christmas dinner: You are to address me as Admiral

Signs your holiday party is on the right track

When I was a kid the organization at leaf games was a teacher at my school. I went to a game five years ago and he was still doing it.

How will people know when to clap their hands though?

Heading home today, Central Papua, it’s been great as always.

Watching Pirates of the Caribbean and the film caught fire so they started playing Sugar Ray while they fixed it.

It’s that time of year!

Now that’s what I’m talking about

Really cool how travel companies are taking the best travel tools and just discontinuing them. First it was Hipmunk which had the best flight visualizations available and SAP just killed it, now Seat Guru is owned by Trip Advisor and just ✨doesn't exist✨ *Narrator* this is actually not cool

The trees are up in Indonesia

@profanity.accountant ?

I would make sure everyone knew this was me. Like fully lean into the persona so hard people would be afraid to walk with me if the temp was below 2°C.

Is it because the show is called Grey’s Anatomy and her character’s name is Meredith Grey?

Sorry America. It’s time I left you.

Is it the time when people drop their pie opinions? I don’t like pie. There. You have it.

Great conversation starters for Thursday 😂😂

MY ANACONDA DON’T WANT NONE UNLESS YOU GOT BUNS HUN

I’d like to point out I called the blue jays 2025 season in June 2024

My yogurt out here advocating the rusty trombone

When travelling in Canada it’s easy to pick out a Ft. McMurray oil worker.

All the flowers that you planted mama in the backyard All died when you went away I know that living with you, baby, was sometimes hard But I'm willing to give it another try

Every time I take the 5:00 am flight Toronto I say “this was a bad idea”

She has more grand slams than Ohtani. Who’s the real GOAT?

How it started How it’s going

This is real