I feel like it would be very difficult to find a woman who would participate in an affair with you if she knew you were dating Megan. I’d be like “hold up — Megan THEE Stallion? What are you even doing, man! THINK!”

Now Lukes is hurt!? Did the ghost of Colonel Sanders put a curse on this team?

Scherzer gave up two home runs — almost three! — in the first inning. It’s gonna be one of THOSE games I see.

I do not know what has happened in this Raptors game, lol, but I will take it!

Went for a stupid walk for my stupid mental health after the stupid CMS ate an hour of work I SWORE I saved, but apparently didn’t, so I had to redo that and then lost a further 10 minutes of fiddly shit. So the mental health walk also resulted in the purchase of a mental health pint of ice cream.

Went to a Sceptres game tonight and it was a Pride celebration night, but one gets the feeling it’s kind of like that every night, and good-for-her.gif. It was marvellous to watch a bunch of young kids have heroes who look like them to look up to, I wish I’d been able to have that as a kid.

Pull him! God! I’m sure it’s hard when you are a closer and all that, but Schneider, are you addicted to losing?

"There is no government plane for the premier’s exclusive travel, according to a spokesperson for the premier’s office. They said the jets Ford was referring to are used for medical transport."

Ok, ok, ok.

Sigh.

Let’s not mess this up, Hoffman.

Twoonie Tuesday movie nights

Past me would be upset by how much current me is enjoying all the moustaches on the Jays.

Do all hits sound this loud in Angel Stadium?

IT IS SNOWING. EFF OFFFFFFF!!!!

I don’t know why, but I am so tired that I would very much like for somebody to come over here and brush my teeth and wash my face for me and put me to bed. Maybe it’s this shit-ass weather we’ve been having, but I have had it and every part of me aches.

Welp.

If I was rich, Christie’s would love to see me coming to this.

My weather app says there’s a chance of snow on Sunday, and if that happens, I need you all to know that I am going to go something something.

His palms are sweaty, knees weak, arms are heavy There's vomit on his sweater already, mom's spaghetti

one thing cut from this Pitt finale feature was ken kirby (Dr Shen) between takes looking at a prosthetic newborn baby lying in a roasting pan and asking noah wyle what temp he should cook it at wyle: 350! [pause, glance at me] don’t print that [pause] because it’s an old family recipe.

Perfect timeline to return to, no notes.

I know there are people who will watch Robert Eggers’ new movie Werwulf without thinking “PAUL! YOU IS A WARWILF!” Not me though. I’m built different.

I would have a steam room, a sauna and a cold plunge. And a theatre room.

Watching Bram Stoker’s Dracula (trying to get the taste of the recent Dracula out of my brain) and it is ASTOUNDING how bad Keanu Reeves is. Like, every scene he’s in takes me right out of the movie and I keep imagining Hugh Grant in the role instead and how good that would’ve been.

If I were the wife of a billionaire, I would simply convince my husband to use his billions of dollars to tell the world that thin lips are in and NOT pump my face full of fillers.

Currently being wheeled off stage in a fucking coffin. King shit!

Watching Iggy Pop put performers decades and decades younger than him to SHAME at Coachella.

“If you were in charge of Star Trek what would you do?” Halt and Catch Fire style show about what it took to invent the holodeck.

IT’S OK GUYS, WHY ARE YOU ALL LEAVING!? ALL WE NEED IS SIX RUNS!

Jays, in order to win games, I recommend not letting the other team score seven runs in one inning.

This is so funny 😂 With alt text

People be wanting this ugly Barger Couch t-shirt

#Artemis almost had a disaster.

I don’t get all the love for Project Hail Mary. A grown man who is NOT an astronaut goes to space for REASONS and makes friends with a rock alien? And people I respect are like “Make way for the Oscars!” Be so for real.

A fascinating look into this mentality. Why do you need to compete with a Fortune 500 company? You are a diner! The number one thing I want to see is photos of YOUR food, not a generic AI burger or your mac and cheese animated beyond recognition

This was taken in the Alberta town where my friend lives. This guy gave an interview to CBC in which he said “I was keeping an eye on it!” Later that year, they had a parade and lawnmower man rode on a float that recreated this moment.

Is this a good time to mention that I am writing a TV show about Eugene Levy and Geddy Lee solving mysteries that take place during the course of Jays games? It’s gonna be called Foul Play.

Welp. I see we are still playing silly baseball.

Spent last week working on this piece and it made me ache with sadness. Kadin Savikataaq of Arviat, Nunavut, was an accomplished young woman. A pilot, a hunter, a hockey player. She went out one night in Aug. 2024 and never returned. Her family is desperate for answers. www.cbc.ca/news/canada/...

GOD I love Ghost Protocol! An absolute cartoon of an action movie/spy thriller that never stops.

I just bought some champagne in case I find myself with something to celebrate. Could be anything, really.

One day, "It" will happen, by which I mean sudden and unexpected news that you want to celebrate. In such cases, you will want the right outfit. 🧵

Blue Jays played silly today. Sorry pals, but you deserved to lose this one.

Yes, you put your head down, buddy.

This baseball game is infuriating. Blue Jays, what is you doing?

Pink Pony Club is a total fucking out of this world banger and I’m so happy it was played in space so I can say that literally!

“It is the food for a celebration, such as when a woman becomes 47.”

Ella McCay. Duh.