we have fun here @doomprophet.bzky.team @sheev.calamitousintent.com

I'm assembling a team.

need soup

Me When I Am Coming To Fucking Get You

does the “my friends secretly hate me” voice in the back of your mind get any quieter as you age?

women love how honest i am about being a liar

🥕🥕🥕🥕🥕🥕🥕🥕🥕🥕🥕🥕🥕🥕🥕🥕🥕🥕🥕🥕🥕🥕🥕🥕🥕🥕🥕oh🥕🥕🥕🥕🥕🥕🥕🥕🥕🥕🥕🥕🥕🥕🥕🥕🥕🥕🥕🥕🥕🥕🥕🥕🥕🥕🥕🥕🥕🥕🥕🥕🥕🥕🥕🥕🥕no🥕🥕🥕🥕🥕🥕🥕🥕🥕🥕🥕🥕🥕🥕🥕🥕🥕🥕🥕🥕🥕🥕🥕🥕🥕🥕🥕🥕🥕🥕🥕🥕🥕🥕🥕🥕🥕🥕🥕🥕🥕🥕🥕its🥕🥕🥕🥕🥕🥕🥕🐎🐎🐎🐎🐎🐎🐎🐎🐎🐎🐎🐎🐎🐎all🐎🐎🐎🐎🐎🐎🐎🐎🐎🐎🐎🐎🐎🐎🐎🐎🐎🐎🐎🐎🐎🐎🐎🐎🐎🐎🐎🐎🐎🐎🐎🐎🐎🐎🐎🐎🐎🐎🐎🐎🐎🐎🐎🐎🐎🐎🐎🐎🐎🐎🐎🐎🐎🐎🐎🐎🐎🐎gone🐎🐎🐎🐎🐎🐎🐎🐎🐎🐎🐎🐎🐎🐎🐎🐎🐎🐎🐎🐎🐎🐎🐎🐎🐎🐎🐎🐎🐎🐎🐎🐎🐎🐎🐎🐎🐎🐎🐎🐎🐎🐎🐎🐎🐎🐎wrong🐎🐎🐎🐎🐎🐎🐎🐎🐎🐎🐎🐎🐎🐎🐎🐎🐎🐎🐎🐎🐎🐎🐎🐎🐎🐎🐎🐎🐎🐎🐎🐎🐎🐎🐎🐎🐎🐎🐎🐎🐎🐎🐎🐎🐎🐎🐎🐎🐎

if I eat enough carrots will I become a horsegirl

I am gonna make it through this year if it kills me

let's pose for a beautiful picture with mama

when i got this tattoo i didn’t know what it symbolized and it DOES NOT represent who I am today

can you hold this while i go freak out

Pop Tart 🐕 Baby female Mixed Breed mix Adoptable from Lakeside Animal Rescue (Eutawville, SC) https://www.petfinder.com/dog/pop-tart-78848305/sc/eutawville/lakeside-animal-rescue-sc499/

50 years ago: Don't worry bestie you get to retire on your pension 20 years ago: Nvm we declared bankruptcy and now pensions are gone use a 401k instead Now: Make sure you're investing 20% of your income in your 401k!! 20 years from now: The economy collapsed and your 401k is worthless oops

me when I am ovulating

rate my hat

Ima start barkin

don’t question me I’m dumb as hell and you will not get a good answer

vacation ends tomorrow :(

today I got trapped in the buc-ees car wash

I like that we call AI fuckups "hallucinations" rather than "piece of shit technology delivers stupid fucking results"

Why do you want me to drink alcohol? So I pee more? No THANKS. Not gonna be a part of your disgusting pee fetish.

slight hot take but I think it’s a bit of a mistake to do a ton of tattooing and body mod while you’re still in your 20s. you gotta leave a lil bit of room for customizing your avatar as you age too!!

This Tumblr post gave me a huge confidence boost:

whoever invented thigh-high stockings is overdue for the Nobel peace prize tbh give it to them

The tank's role is to draw aggro

a lesbian octopus gf could fix me

Kitty smooch 🩵

idk who needs to hear this but do not touch wild animals no not even for the bit DO NOT APPROACH THEM

Supreme Court: of course states can regulate, and restrict access to, medical procedures if there’s a compelling public interest Colorado: (bans conversion therapy for minors) Supreme Court: no not like that, we only meant abortion

hey guys let’s all go to [insert unusable software here]

if bsky goes belly-up I might just collect my favorite goobers in DMs and just call it quits on social media lmao

this, 2014 andrew luck's fumble recovery, and marcus mariota's self-completion are the three most bewildering qb scramble touchdowns i've ever seen in the nfl. all three happened against the chiefs

OPENAI LAWYER: so how does this sound. 'user x' pays us $3 to generate a video of elsa suffocating him with her ass. from that, you will receive a princely 50¢ DISNEY LAWYER: i am going to shoot you with a gun

(Me putting all my eggs into one basket) Hell yeah, this is an awesome idea, now I only have to carry one basket. Big W.

this is my political affiliation now

I'm always thinking about sex god and beautiful cinnamon roll we were robbed of far too soon, Dr. Carl Sagan

"I can excuse death threats towards Trans folks, but I draw the line at banning jesse singal"

this week a very British lady told me that I’m one of the funniest people she’s ever met so I’ll be riding that high for the rest of 2025

been busy with work so I haven’t been Online and I fear it has been very good for my mental health

apparently Arizona has its own brand of cute little guys

🏈 GB 40 - 40 DAL FINAL ✅ That's Scorigami!! It's the 1093rd unique final score in NFL history.

I wanna love this time of year but I can already feel the seasonal depression setting in when the leaves change

He literally had a whole fucking hotel and mountain playground. Soft cunt.

putting a little dark matter in my quark soup. as a treat